COMPETITION

Why does life always seem like such a competition all of a sudden ?

Mother K ( K for her name and also for KIASU ) came up to me and asked me about her daughter's progress in class. Actually, all she really wanted to know was whether her daughter had the potential to become a dancer, and if so, was she getting too fat ? Her concerns mainly centred around her daughter's size, eating habits, and physical activity, and they all could be summed up in a single questions ( which, incidentally, she kept repeating during our 40minute chat ), " Is my daughter too big ? I don't want her to get fat, otherwise she won't be the thinnest girl in your class "

I felt like screaming, or throwing something, stabbing a cow, butchering a horse or even just slamming the door and walking off in a huff would have made me feel loads better. Instead, I 'smiled ' a 'sympathetic' teacher type of smile, and just offered a very weak excuse for leaving [ and running away from her as far as I possibly can ]

WHAT THE HELL.

What's the deal with all this competition ? Give her a break ! Why does your daughter have to be so super thin for ? Why does she need to compete with the other girls for ? Why do you have to be so super kiasu with your daughter ? Blar lar k ( this is steph-speak for get lost )

You always want BIGGER discounts when you go shopping, BIGGER salaries, BIGGER houses, BIGGER cars, BIGGER, grander holidays, BIGGER numbers of A's on your child's report card, BIGGER portions of food even when you go out to eat.

So what the heck is wrong if your daughter grows up to become a little bit plumper, more womanly, and curvier ( ultimately sexier than you ha ! ) ? You know what's her problem ? It's actually not the daughter's size, it's really about the daughter's size being an advantage in this so-called competitive world of dance.

To me, dance is only competitive if you make it to be. What do all dancers compete for ? They don't compete against others. They compete against themselves. They want to be the best they possibly can, and it's their own personal achievement and goals. NOT everyone's dance goals are to be the next ABT prima ballerina. And certainly not the world' thinnest ballerina...


Why do we always have to be the best ? Do what you can, and do it to the best of your abilities.

But who am I to talk ? Here I am,busy trying to compete with older and more established bloggers who have better pictures, better style of writing, more interesting topics, more readers & commentors, richer boyfriends ( hell even the existance of one would make me a little envious, just a little ), more disciplined spiritual lives, etc.

- secret confession, yo, give me some respect for admitting your secret desires UPFRONT and some sympathy too for getting sucked up into e-popularity -

but I've come to realise ( thanks to a bitch slap from my sis )
that bloggers blog for themselves.

Who really cares about how your day was, what hurts you , who irritates you, your poems, the love of your life, honestly speaking, would anyone of you care if I don't get into a university of my choice or if I'm a total failure in ballet ?

Do YOU really care about other people or do you just read their blog for cheap entertainment - I mean cheap as in the price of online reading material compared to movie-ing, clubbing, drinking, NOT the quality of a blogger's post, no siree, I ain't offending no fellow blogger - ?

LIFE JUST GOES ON. THE SAME.

To all my silent readers out there, I think you're all gorgeous and simply lovely for taking the time to read about my life. And I'm really gonna try and make everything really readable, because I really wanna share my dance life and ( a bit of ) my personal life with you guys. But, I ain't bloggin to satisfy you.

I'm bloggin to satisfy myself.

I do what I can do best; write and dance. And I'm gonna keep doing my best.
Not to beat you and you and you,
But to beat myself.

~ I am my own worst enemy, Oscar Wilde. ~

WISDOM

Blogging is Addictive. Should have come with warnings. But to my credit, I only started a blog after I've completed my formal studies in both academia and dance. So I'm allowed to blog because technically, I've no 'real' commitments to exams and grades and yadaa yadaa..got quite some time on my hands..

Plus I love to write anyway..ask those people who used to be in my BK class and Eng Lit class.I wrote 12 pages for my SPM eng lit and bout 10 pages for my SPM BK exams.

Bloggin is my new writing outlet now. Until I get to Uni and have tons of writing assignments to do, I will use this blog to write, write, and write !!!

So actually, blogging's not that addictive. I was just deprived of an writing outlet for too long. I mean, yakking on the phone with my pals hasn't got quite the same effect. Descargo should be a way of life ! Well, maybe it is, just that the super stressed me never knew it before.

" Life is the road I wanna keep going, Love is the river I wanna keep flowing "
Some song by The Clientele I was just listening to earlier.

A HUGE THANK YOU whoever who reads and comments - LEXA

But my biggest gratitude is for God. Who sparked the idea into my head in the first place.

1st Lesson in Blogging 101 and Friendship 999

Title says it all. I have no idea what I pressed but some how, edit became edit html. I've returned all my knowledge of html back to Madam Lalitha already !!!

MACAM MANA SKRANG ????????????????????

Adoi, God, please have mercy, I'm a new blogger, I'm only blogging because I want to remember Kay Elle, my family, my friends, and all those cherished moments as accurately as possible. I'm gonna leave for US soon, please please please make life easy for me and let me blog really super quickly and neatly ! That's all I ask, I promise not to tamper with stupid formatting anymore !!!

Forgive me Oh Lord for I know not what I sin !!!!

PS : thanks so much, Peak Sheng and Tarrant. Appreciated your help even though my panicking voice prob didn't show it...

Real friends are the ones who will help you with no conditions required - ie : favours, constant interaction, etc.

Adagio Dancer

Nouns mean ' names ' in Latin. Everything has a name. That's why this blog had to have a name and a blog address. That's why I asked several people on what they thought of the names I picked, because it's important for a blog's name to be well balanced; people - accessible ( I'm always thinking of other people ; P ) and yet personal at the same time.

The first ideas

1) descargo.blogspot.com

Descargo means ' release ' in Spanish. I can relate a lot to this because I dance and write to 'release' my feelings, express my thoughts, unburden my soul, and to regain a a certain clarity of life and peace of mind. Tarrant liked it, said it sounded really deep. ( I think...) Which it does, becuase release has many layers of meaning. There's so much depth to just one word, isn't that amazing ? Like the amazing fact that 26 alphabets and millions of millions of words in dozens of different languages. But what a blogger, sorry, BUMMER, someone else took it already.

Sayang kan ?

2) descargodanza.blogspot.com

I had a bit of reservations about this one. Because it doesn't really make sense if you translate it directly to English but the double D's are just so lingustically beautiful, they just roll off your tongue so easily. Definitely people accessible. But a certain person by the initials of M.C.H.Y didn't and said it sounded like escargot. I'm not even mentioning this person's name here because I'm still very offended by that person. Waste of time and evergy and effort asking really.

There are MAJOR differences between descargo and escargot - one's a Spanish term and one's a French term, they both mean completely different things; one's a food and one's a verb, an action word, a word of endless possiblilites and limitless imagination and usage. One's in my favourite language and the other's in the language I loathe the most ( aside from the ballet terms which I've come to terms with.. )

But I didn't pick it because it didn't really sound like me. I don't sound like that,do I ? all breathy and 'danza' and all...? nah, it's not how I sound like at this point of time. Maybe when I become a dance professor in the future, descargodanza will become me ???

Certain words require a certain maturity and personality to be carried off effectively.
So I choose...

3) adagiodancer.blogspot.com

in the end. It's very me. Adagio dancers are ' slow ' dancers ( in literal translation ), the ones who do the slower, more lyrical, pensive dances. The ones who have to " extend, extend, extend " and " lengthen, lengthen, lengthen" and " grow, grow, grow" and " use use use " every second of the music to it's full capacity. The ones I like best, because the strength of a true dancer lies in her/his adagio - their capability to move IN the music, express themselves with all freedom of technique. That's where the artistry of a dancer truly shines. In the adagio.

And I find that adagio dancers tend to be the most expressive and technically brilliant ones.

Those of you who don't go to Mr Zhou's PDC class at Ellie Zhou Ballet Studio might not understand this, but it really doesn't matter, as long as you know that my aim is to be the BEST DANCER I CAN BE, allegro or adagio.

And I still kept descargo ; because to dance and write is to release. To release oneself completely from the burdens and craziness of life; that's freedom.

This writer maintains that true liberation comes from God, because only He can take away all the weariness and replace it with happiness.

But ' why not do a crazy dance ? ' - Hilary Duff, Why Not
Yea, and why not, ( while you're at it ) pen a personal comment ?