How To Save a Life.

Where did I go wrong, I've lost a friend,
...
Had I known how to save a life.

- How To Save A Life, by the Fray.

This was the song I rewinded again and again to facilitate my salty tears.
I've just read your blog. If only you knew, when you grieve, I grieve too. I may seem two dimentional at times, but I really do care about you. I'm sorry if my intellect can't catch up with yours, I'm sorry if my comprehension skills cannot make sense of your pain and weariness, I'm sorry for not being able to be there for you, for being so helpless in your hour of need.

I really do care about you too, S.L.M, but sometimes, 24 hours just aren't enough to do all the things I want to do.

Numb grief took over my appetite when I heard what happened and how much you needed me at that point of time, and how terribly I've failed you. Is it true ? That I care more about the outsiders than you guys ? Am I really all that externally dressed but internally empty and substanceless ?

2nd Day of Being 18. It's tough. I'm not loving it.

I'm glad I didn't go to the Switchfoot concert. I'm so glad I didn't.

Birthday Wishes

This is so funny; when I tell people of my party, the first thing they ask isn't ' What do you want for your birthday ? ' as opposed to 10 years ago when I had my birthday party.
( GOSH IT"S BEEN SO LONG SINCE I ACTUALLY HAD SUCH A BIG SCALE B'DAY BASH... )

The first question 8 out of 10 people ask / exclaim very loudly in mock horror is " What to wear / what's the dress code ??? "

Adui people !!! It's a pool party, you can wear WHATEVER you like ! This is so strange, I mean, the invitation says POOL PARTY, how can you NOT know what to wear to a swimming pool ?

LOL LOL LOL LOL

I'm laughing myself silly as the 10th person asks me ( and of all people, it's TARRANT KWOK ) what's the dress code.

OK, laughter aside.

This year, Steph Lee's gonna give in to her materialistic wants for a change. She's gonna ASK for what she wants, instead of fighting for it her way ( read : slogging at work, toiling out in the sun/studio, scrimping on food, penny pinching, exercising extreme persuasion skills and magnificent self denial )

Besides that, telling people what I want is actually really practical; the chances of me getting something that I'd hate ( and I detest quite a number of things ) will be much slimmer. But then, the chances of me getting surprised...will also be much much slimmer...

Tell you what guys, try and surprise me. This is my 18th Birthday after all.
But I will put a GENERAL GUIDELINE in here...just to guide you, of course, if you think you know me better ( and that's a DARE ), go ahead and disregard, ignore, and pretend it doesn't even exist.

What I'm currently currently trying very very hard to get for myself, using my own time,effort,and cash

1. Music Cds.

I'm really in love with Brit rock right now. Some call it alternative rock / emo-rock, but anything is way better than Pop-Rock.

Favoured bands include : Lifehouse ( HUGE HUGE HUGE FAN ) , Oasis, Muse, Coldplay, Maroon 5, The Fray, Timberland, Musiq, Sum 41, movie soundtracks, the soundtracks from my favourite TV series - House, Grey's, The OC, Prison Break, Ugly Betty - ( okay maybe some of them don't really count but they're still awesome, no? )

Not forgetting,the STARBUCKS music compilations ! The current one has a really appealing album cover. Plus they actually get original compositions from music composers all around the world, effectively promoting world music and awareness using their own stores - an effort we should most definitely support. Coffee Bean's looks good too. ( Now, I am not superficial...but looks do count in terms of appeal, not shelf life perhaps ) Thank God world music is no longer just Latin music..

But thanks to Khai Hoong and Jon Fam, I totally heart Salsa music / Salsa-influenced songs now...ESPECIALLY the salsa influenced version of Maroon Five's She Will Be Loved - gives me the impression of relaxed, elegant,romance in a garden setting.

Salsa, classical, and Jazz music albums please ! Live recordings would so totally rock ! Make my day, won't you?

If you still can't crack your heads to decipher my needs ( yes I need good music ! ) or simply to lazy/busy to, just...

• Get me any music to do with Ballet - whether to get the short piano pieces dance students use in class or the full length classical ballet ones, really isn't the issue here !

• Get me soundtracks from musicals - RENT !!! LES MISERABLES !!! MY FAIR LADY !!! MAMAMIA !!! and more.. ;)

• Get me any album by Joaquin Rodrigo - SPANISH PIANO COMPOSER. Ha, the fact that he's Spanish and therefore reeks of sophisticated maniless is already making me keel..make me swoon with his music..and get one cd for yourselves in the process. You will not regret the terrific bargain I tell you.

• Get me CASTING CROWNS !!! and Delirious and Jars of Clay. But C.C is the best of them all, they beat Hillsong and Planet Shakers hands down la..But I don't mind Hillsong/ Planet Shakers, all gospel rock is good ;) While you're at it, can you get me a Switchfoot too ? I mean, I've a backstage pass to their concert but I've only heard like maybe..3 songs of theirs. I need to know more about them before I can attend their concert..which is incidentally..on my birthday..LOL !

• Get me a Stereophonics - They're new Brit rock group that I haven't really listened to yet. But apparently they're quite good.Their album titles sound quirky enough to appeal any ear - Language.Sex.Violence.Other ? 2005 & Pull the Pin 2007/08. The latter has a GREAT ALBUM COVER ! So..stimulative and seductive in hot pink and black..

• Same goes for Angels and Airways's new album, I-EMPIRE. Remember Delonge ? Yes, BLINK 182 !!!

• The safest bet ever : The HAIRSPRAY and BROKEBACK MOUNTAIN soundtracks!

• Perhaps a dbClifford..his jazz albums are not too bad..and I like the green message in his latest album : Recyclable.

• LIFEHOUSE's SECOND ALBUM ! actually...I still don't have the first one..

• Harry Jr Connick ! I really really want to go to his concert in March. However, short of funds..I so heart him though....The hottest Jazz pianist ever...

• The Timberland album with the accoustic version of Apologize - THE SONG OF THE YEAR ! NO WAY RIHA-ELLA>>>

• Deacon Blue's Raintown - A colleague told me it was good...wanna try your luck ???

Okay will blog more about my bday wants next time...
Need to fall asleep to 'You and Me' - HINT...........

Escapsim of Guilt For God's Love

"I have loved you, my people, with an everlasting love. With unfailing love I have drawn you to myself." (Jeremiah 31:3)

"See, I have engraved you on the palms of my hands." (Isaiah 49:16)

God has said, "Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you." (Hebrews 13:5)

God, You so totally rock. I really really should read my Bible more...I mean, I said on national TV that it was my favourite book of all time and it's listed in every one of ( the very few ) interviews I give ( forced to give, actually )

Why am I so bad with this whole prayer thing >>>>

I'm guilt ridden for not spending enough time with You...just turn me into a nun...

Actually, becoming a nun wouldn't be such a bad idea.

ESCAPISM.