You broke my heart once, twice, and now the for third time, you AGAIN shatter the fragile thing I took months to plaster painfully togehter.

WHAT'S YOUR FRIGGING PROBLEM ?


' Why do all good things come to an end ? Flames to dust, lovers to friends '. - All Good Things, Nelly Furtado's.
' Goodbye to you, goodbye to everything I knew, you were the one I love, the one thing that I tried to hold to ' - Goodbye To You, by Michelle Branch


I need silence. I have to stop the music, I can't hear my voice in all this noise. Their lyrics are theirs and they don't quite mirror my own feelings. I can't seem to find a song that plays the same strings that are pulling my heart apart.

Damn it, I want a song that sings everything I feel exactly, every precise tug and slice, and every exact hurt that's acting on my insides now. Damn it damn it damn it, I can't find the words to say exactly how I feel.

How do I describe the numb, dead, pulse of my heart when we parted ways ?

How do I describe my awkwardness to bid farewell and best wishes and explain that miserable attempt at saying goodbye ? Or the mortification I felt after replaying and replaying those hours we spent together ? And my fervent wish to erase everything and go back in time and redo the string of events that had just occured ? And my regret at my actions and their intentions ?

' It's really good to hear your voice, saying my name, it sounds so sweet, coming from the lips of an angel, it makes me weak....I guessed we never really moved on '
- Lips of An Angel, Hinder's.

I felt so so so numb. Your reluctancy to even look at me and your obvious repulse at my touch made me feel so small, stupid, and naive. I was stupid to have ever fallen for you.

But yet at the same time, your voice makes me flush with a childish redness, your gradual maturity gives me buds of hope, and your acknowledgement of my existence frankly...makes my pride soar with joy. Your happiness - it can be said as one of my highest priorities and your well being my constant concern.

These few moments we spent together I'd cherish forever. I hope we'll never ever meet again. Because I've never fully gotten over you, pathetic I know, but I think you'll understand ; when someone has claimed your heart, stolen your love, and challenged your soul ( and sanity perhaps ), you would always always long for him.



Blah, time ain't that great a doctor, it hasn't got sturdy bandages to wrap around my wounds or soothing salves/ointment to distract the pain of rejection and losing someone you love.

I need God to fill this emptiness and vast space you have dug once again in my heart. Take your spade somewhere else. Where there's more fertile and compatile soil and plants that'd bear the fruit you desire.



Don't come near me. Ever again. I won't allow it. I won't allow myself to be broken again. I know it's rather premature for me to say this right now, but at this point of time ( I might and hopefully will regret saying this in the future ), I find it impossible for me to fall in love ever again.

After all this time
I never thought we'd be here
Never thought we'd be here
When my love for you was blind
But I couldn't make you see it
Couldn't make you see it
That I loved you more than you'll ever know
A part of me died when I let you go

After all this why
Would you ever wanna leave it
Maybe you could not believe it
That my love for you was blind
But I couldn't make you see it
Couldn't make you see it
That I loved you more than you will ever know
A part of me died when I let you go
That I loved you more than you'll ever know
A part of me died when I let you go
- Blind, by Lifehouse.


Father in Heaven, I seek Your Forgiveness and ask for Your Patience and Healing, please fill my soul again with Your love, and help me to mend this broken blood pump of mine.


Many will scoff at me for saying this, our priorities differ, I respect yours completely so give me the same respect won't you ?

My priorities lie with my God. Not with my boy. At least not for the time being.
Besides, God's so much more reliable.And He's not a heart breaker.