Dance Deluxe

Here Comes the Sun

2008-05-20T22:44:00.003+08:00

I"M BLOGGING AGAIN !!!

I've set up a new blog, people !!! But it's more private than this one. I've come to realise privacy isn't exactly a bad thing and a lot of things should not be made public.

Anyway, if you wanna visit my new blog, please email or ask me through MSN. My blog's really a personal one, I don't want any Tom, Dick, and Henry reading my blog and commenting and insulting and saying slutty stuff and using the opportunity to stalk/threaten me.

The world is a less safe place these days. Protect yourselves my friends...

Closure.

2008-04-25T13:39:00.003+08:00

Hey everyone,

I am closing this blog down for time being. The reason for my doing so is because I'm getting too distracted and procrastinating way too much . I've way too many things to do right now, and keeping a blog is not on my list of priorities.

And I've just realised..I can't really commit to keeping a blog ! I had so many plans ( gosh, sound so naive now ) but I can't afford the time to materialize on them right now. I've too little time to do all the things I want to do. MUST PRIORITIZE..cannot LAZITIZE...I cannot keep making excuses like ' have no time' and all those whatnothaveyou crap.

Besides, I don't want to trash the blog-sphere with my rants and ravings. I'd rather have a blog that sounded different. And mine is just so..mainstream ? it's not like me at all. I don't sound like me here. At least, parts of me don't. And it's really hard to be totally creative online. How to let my creative juices flow when I don't even know how this stupid thing works properly ? I have to discover myself first. Before polluting the universe.

And frankly, the major reason why I want to stop blogging for time being until I've matured & gained more techie skils ?

I want to start writing again.

Forgive if you can, forget you CANNOT. I will def announce the coming up of my 2nd blog soon,

When I've learnt how to do all those cool things in 5 mins flat and become a comp-pro and finished doing my uni stuff and gained triple pirrouttes and become a better daughter,friend, and student, I shall set up my 2nd blog.

And I promise you, that will be 100 and 10 percent better.

The Yang of my Yin Day

2008-04-22T22:55:00.002+08:00

1) I made a random search for images of Stephanie Lee and look at what I found ! www.stephanie-lee.blogspot.com Well, she beat me to that name, and Oxford as well. Ain't the world getting smaller ???

2) Got a free lift from Khai Hoong, I was really lucky to bump into you !!! And rediscovered my love of Kipling's poems. I found this just 5 mins ago !!!

Now this is the Law of the Jungle -- as old and as true as the sky;
And the Wolf that shall keep it may prosper, but the Wolf that shall break it must die.
As the creeper that girdles the tree-trunk the Law runneth forward and back --

For the strength of the Pack is the Wolf, and the strength of the Wolf is the Pack

From : Law of the Jungle

GORGEOUS !!! Kipling's Jungle Book was one of the first classics I ever attempted, and fell in love with. He wrote pages more of prose and poetry, but I personally prefer his poems. They rhyme, ain't verbose or boring, and make sense.

Anyone out there who also loves poems - they do save your reading time, don' they ? And it'
s so hard to write good poetry. I don't speak for you, but brevity has always been a challenge for me-

should go check out this website www.poetryloverspage.com

They have a good collection of poems by Rudy Kippy too !!!

3) Coming home

Driving Test Results

2008-04-22T22:31:00.005+08:00

WHY ?????????????
WHY??????????????????????????
WHY?????????????????????????????????????

God, why didn't I pass such a simple part of the test ? Going uphill is supposedly THE EASIEST.
And I, Stephanie Lee Su-Ling, the so-called brainy one, FAILED it..when every other complete idiot passed.

My only consolation is that I passed the road driving test with 19/20.

But this is just plain embarassing.

And I'm exhibiting my humiliation for everyone else to hear.
As a lesson for myself.

Always pray before attempting to manover the wheel. And going up the hill. And getting into a car for that matter.

This is not an attempt to blame God for not letting me pass the stupid driving test. This is merely a ranting and grouse of all sorts..

But God does do the Yin-Yang thing. He always gives you something good to balance out your bad day. Suffice to say, today wasn't completely wasted.

AND BLAR YOU DRIVING OFFICERS aka COMPLETE IDIOTS FOR WASTING MY TIME WHEN I COULD HAVE PASSED THAT TEST EASY PEASY, I'm still gonna drive anyway,

CHOI !!! BAD LUCK SHOO SHOO !!!
TOUCH WOOD !!! This is so not gonna happen to me, I will not fail a 2nd time. No siree.

Time

2008-04-22T22:11:00.002+08:00

1st May
- Trip to the Bukit Cheling waterfall

2nd May
- Trip to the US embassy

3rd May - 7th May
- Trip ( w the Gym Gang ) to the Redang Island

8th May
- Trip to Penang ( Granny's 1st Death Anniversary and Aunty Gaik's visit )

15th May
- Trip to ***** secret destination which is still unknown at this point of time *** to celebrate Mother's Day.

28th May
- Alexa's homecoming.
SO CAN"T WAIT !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

30th May - 1st June
- Trip to Penang ( Church Camp )

From boring March, to slippery April, to hectic May, and final June.

My final months in Malaysia..Malaysia...A sense of dread fills me everyday now. I feel as if a time bomb is about to erupt and capult me to US. Time goes by too quickly, I wish I had more time to spend with you.

Testimonial for Celeste about her syllabus. / Personal Fear Statement LOL

2008-04-16T22:53:00.003+08:00

Hey everyone, this is a little something I wrote for Celeste a long time ago, early last year if memory does not fail me.I wrote it really fast, I think, in under 1.5 hours, because I had a jazz exam later ( probably Groove..I distinctly remember thinking about a denim skirt as I was writing this ).

I unearthed it a minute ago while I was searching for some old essays. Rereading it makes me feel..so nostalgic...and GLAD THAT I"VE COMPLETED her jazz syllabus up to Jazz 4. At least now, I'm in Jazz 5, it's not too hard and here's where the fun starts. Part of me wants to go back to Introductory and learn the style properly, input it into every fibre of my muscles to serve me subconsiously later. But part of me is so glad I've finished and am done with it. I hated rushing and doing the Intensive course. It did make me improve very very quickly but...at what expense? I would have rather done it gradually like Tilla, so the style grows on you and there's the time factor to help you improve and give you space to practise/perfect/reflect.

I realised last year I was too busy dancing and thinking about exams and rushing and being exhausted and applying/worrying about scholarships, hardly had time to reflect properly on my dancing.

Well, one thing hasn't changed. My respect ( and subsequently fear, like duh, that's never gonna change I think..) for this particular teacher.

Testimonial for Celeste Frances Theunissen.

( eh e h wWAIITTT...do you think she'll mind me putting this up ??? Is this offensive / invading privacy or whatever? Okay, I'll leave it for 1 week..or maybe just a few days first to test the waters..)

I have been a student of Celestar Studio of Performing Arts since March 2005 and currently enrolled in her Jazz Dance syllabus, both Introductory and Higher Levels as well as attending Celeste’s Advanced Level Ballet classes.

I started learning Ballet at the young age of six and was only introduced to Hip Hop in Celeste’s introductory Jazz Dance syllabus in 2005. At first, it was quite hard adapting to Jazz, given my limited dance background. It was not the steps that puzzled me; it was the style, the main element that Celeste stresses on. However, I found that in time, with enough practice, determination, and of course, personal coaching from Celeste, I did very well for my Hip Hop assessment, garnering an A. Not only did I obtain the confidence to pick up another type of dance so totally different from Ballet, but I also improved in my ballet, becoming less rigid and less narrow minded in my view of dance.

Celeste’s Jazz Dance syllabus is different in a sense, because it is structured and developed for a dancer by a dancer. Passion has its place in the syllabus. Also, it stresses on style, personal satisfaction, and enjoyment above technique and precision. I personally find that the technique, while different for every style, is still emphasized, leaving little room for me to get injured and plenty to improve and make the movement my own. Each of the seven styles in Celeste’s Jazz Dance syllabus is distinct and extremely useful knowledge to every aspiring dancer, because one must be versatile, a fact that Celeste has drummed in me and for that, I am extremely grateful. I would say, her syllabus has helped me most in diversifying; becoming a more versatile and stronger dancer with a wider outlook on dance and life.

On an even more personal note, having Celeste as a teacher has been frankly frustrating and yet rewarding, At times, it is really hard to live up to her standards, especially since I was not even properly trained as a ballet dancer. But, at the end of the day, I have learnt that just listening and doing what she says, my body can produce results. I took her advice to learn Jazz in order to improve my Ballet, and now I can see how cross training in dance really has helped me to build stamina, reshape my body, sharpen my mind, and add to my faith that dance can be a rewarding career for me. But, without her, I would not have reached this level of positivism and probably would have attempted to quench my dreams of becoming a dancer. Outside of class, she is fun, kind, and even motherly at times, giving me a lot of advice about how to apply for a ballet dance programme, using the right muscles and proper technique, and enquiring about my progress in Ballet.

Celeste is strict, Celeste is unflinchingly demanding, Celeste is undoubtedly a perfectionist, and Celeste certainly has sky high standards, only because she herself is a beautiful, amazing and inspirational dancer, besides her charisma, practicality, and sensibility. Indeed, Celeste does produce results and her students believe what she says because they have done what she tells them to do and it shows when they do it. She is definitely an unapologetic diamond in the rough; priceless and one of a kind. I am very glad and thankful for her ‘torture’; I know she does it only because she cares for her students and demands only the very best from them. Her labor of love, the Celestar Jazz Dance syllabus basically models her own ambitions for her students; to become the best professional Jazz dancer they can be and more.

Laptop Requirements

2008-04-11T11:01:00.002+08:00

What kind of laptop would a dance/journalism student need ?

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! so NEW at this...I can't believe I'm going off to US and I'll have to do everything by myself there... like update my own Antivirus programmes..and like..clean my computer's hard disk drive and all..shoot..what if my comp gets bugged down by a virus and shuts down ? I'll lose my only source of communication with the outside world ! VOICE 2002 in Stephie's head says : STEPHANIE LEE SU-LING, STOP WORRYING / HYPER VENTRILATING. GET ON WITH THE PROGRAMME. Strangely, I obey. Voice 2002 sounds very much like Mom's voice..and a mixutre of Pn Jugdeep's , Mrs Jeya's, Aunty Wong's, and Celeste's too.

Okay, since I'm a student, I'd be carrying my laptop around, since chivary is dead, I presume no cute guys will be offering to carry it for me anytime round, correct, no ? Magnifique ! We have a start.

Some tips I got from a friend;
Before buying a notebook, make a list of "must have" and "nice-to have" features, so you won't be tempted to buy more features than really need.

Ah ha ! Good good idea !

SLSL's LAPTOP MUST HAVE / BE

1) LIGHT

I'm thinking of an ultra-portable. Wow, the name just rolls off your tongue so nicely ;)

According to an article I ripped off PC World.about.com :

Light Duty on the Go

Thin-and-light notebooks (also called subcompacts and ultraportables) with built-in Ethernet and Wi-Fi networking make ideal second computers for handling business applications such as word processing and spreadsheets, e-mail, and Web surfing when you're on the road.

Pros: At 3 to 5 pounds, thin-and-light notebooks weigh considerably less than other laptops, so they make better traveling companions. Because they're compact, with smaller screens (usually 10.6 to 12.1 inches), they fit more comfortably in a briefcase and on an airplane seat-back tray. Built-in Ethernet and Wi-Fi ( Stephie like... ) lets you make high-speed Internet connections, both wired (in, say, a hotel room) and wireless (at a Starbucks or airport lounge). Ultraportables frequently offer a long battery life of 3 to 5 hours, too.

Cons: Subcompacts rarely offer the fastest processors. Their keyboards can feel cramped, and their small screens make them unsuitable for some applications, such as serious spreadsheet crunching.

Dell, Fujitsu, and IBM each offer thin-and-light models you might want to consider.
Actually I'm very much in love with the VAIO laptop right now...and the I book...they look so cool !!! But they're more like multimedia laptops right ? For people who're into design, and flashy PowerPoint presentation, and want all those sophisticated programmes to Photoshop their pics better ( Haha, joke,joke, no offense intended ) . Not really for this babe. I won't have time to sit around toying with 'em programmes. But yes, I will consider Dell, Fujitsu, and IBM.

2) AFFORDABLE

I think I'll budget for RM 3000, plus minus another 100. I think I have just enough in my savings account to buy meself me own lappie..And I really don't want to use Dad's dough.

I did think of going to US and buying myself a lap top there but...I've so much data ( read : pictures, articles, documents, programmes, dvds, music ) to carry across the Altantic.

I have to burn all my music, documents, essays, programmes, movies maybe even some pages of some of my favourite books,etc into the laptop/ pendrive before I go because I jolly well ain't carrying a truckload of CD's and journals and school documents and pictures of my dog.

Which is why I have to get started on scanning all my stuff and saving it into my pen drive. So no matter where I am, I will still have pictures of my Scholar of the Year award, Dance Mag articles, dance posters, my PMR result slip, emo rock songs, entries of my Year 2000 journal,..all those little things to remind me of myself and who I am, in case I ever lose my way. Kudos to Mom who gave me this idea when she found me sobbing because I discovered I couldn't carry ALL my stuff to US.

3) This brings me to the 3rd requirement of Stephie's Lappie. a HUGE MEMORY SPACE. I think I might take a look at one of those flash memory modules...what are those anyway ? I think 1 or 2 USB ports are enough, right ? Just for pendrives...What are Firewall ports btw??

4) A MULTIFORMAT BURNER. For all my CDs and DVDs.External or internal ? I think I'll try to get an external one. Just in case if I need to repair it, then I'll have to lose the whole laptop to those evil computer fixers if I have an internal one right ?

5) WEBCAM. Hello, don't you all want to see my beautiful face ?

6) BATTERY LIFE. At least my new lappie has to last about 5 hours...without recharging. Don't think I should get a 2nd battery, wouldn't make much sense..

7) MICROSOFT OFFICE programmes. Word, Excel, PowerPoint, all the basic programmes. I'm wondering whether I should have them pre installed to save trouble & time or do it myself since I will have time/ will make it at any rate, then I can have all the cool stuff I want. And I was thinking of whether I should take Windows XP or Vista. Vista looks so cool...but XP is safer and more reliable..Besides, Vista takes up all that memory space and slows laptops down.

Oh yea, I want all those cool digital media/ design & multimedia programmes too ! Can anyone recommend ? Plus I want the VCD Gear programme...

8) WI FI & INTERGRATED BLUETOOTH. I have to get one with a Wi-Fi card that meets the Draft N standards and a Bluetooth 2.1 with an Enhanced Data Rate ( EDR ) Draft N's basically means faster and a broader range of WI FI connectivity. EDR means I can bluetooth things to and from my computer at a faster rate. Yay, everything must be fast fast fast !

9) POWER SAVING FEATURES AND AS ECO-FRIENDLY AS POSSIBLE. Don't look at me like that, we should all try to save the planet in as many little ways as we can ! Besides, power saving features are good...

10) A VERY VERY GOOD & COMFORTABLE KEYBOARD.

Oka7, my mom is back so we're leaving for the PC fair in a bit..wish me luck ppl !!! AND TELL ME IF THERE"S ANYTHING I MISSED OUT !!! Besides my nice-to-have list.......

Notes to Self.

2008-04-11T10:05:00.006+08:00

Haha, I skipped a workout today because I came back really late last night, doing a cultural show in Cyberjaya

( Note to self : Must be able to fit a cheongsam perfectly before end of this month..

What's it with the cut of the cheongsam and its partiality towards small busted women...I blame the traditional upperclass Chinese woman's figure on the lack of dairy products and lengthy matchmaking parties.
No matter what the American Association of Dairy Products say about low fat milk, milk is milk, it will make you grow bigger, I shan't use the word ' fatter' because everything can make you fat, not just milk, and it's a tad unfair to blame milk for obesity instead of the lack of self control and other environmental/lifestyle causes, and yes, back to the point, infants grow 70% bigger during the first 12 months if I'm not mistaken, feeding only on breast milk and adoring attention from devotees, sorry, I mean their devoted parents.

Look at cows ! Calfs wean only on their mothers' milk and look how much they grow within the first 3 months ! So, if you want to grow any body part bigger, take milk. Specifically, take it with papaya. I guarantee you'll get sea shells and beyond **** soon.

And as for the latter, lengthy matchmaking parties require girls to sip and sip and sip Chinese tea and ONLY Chinese tea for the whole day, while smiling demurely and trying to win attention from potential mother-in-laws. Hey, these events are very stressful okay ? Think about it, how can they not lose weight with all that stress, the reputed fat burning and slimming quali ties of Chinese tea, and a no-food diet ? How can they not be willowly slim ? And they sometimes have to show off their skills like dancing, playing the gu zheng and other Chinese musical instruments, or making tea, or worse, cooking ! Even the art of conversation - memorising poems and prose to sound intelligent but not too intelligent and racking up their heads to think of tactful but impactful compliments to the targetted mother-in-law and husband - are very the calorie-burning la.

But they should just make bigger cheongsams...who wears a size 32A these days with McD's, Margaritas, and entertaining Media who keep us glued to our couches..)

So, here I am, very happy after a carbo deluxe breakfast of cereal and bread ( smiles very very contentedly ),

surfing the web, researching on laptops and USB drives ( it's preparation for my visit to the PC fair later. Promised bossie I'd go find him something good ;) Like maybe a Thai girl...You want you want..very fair price... )

and reading The Star online too.

( I finished reading NST earlier during OC and Numb3rs already ! OC is just so the drama, even if you

miss half the show or an episode or two, it really doesn't matter, because almost every episode has someone dying, or drowning, or drinking, or doing drugs, or partying, or ranting out their rages, or getting back together with someone, or dating someone else, or having a sex life crises, or getting divorced/married/engaged. See ? You don't have to watch it anymore, I've basically told you the whole plot line. I watch Numb3rs because I'm trying to learn more about Math without actually doing it ! Besides, it's a lot more fun learning about those little obsecure facts of Math which textbooks fail to fascinate through decently realistic crime scenes and cute lead characters who have really boring but gradually getting better love lives. )

And the Star has thie lovely write up on the Amber chess tournament !!!

http://www.thestar.com.my/lifestyle/story.asp?file=/2008/4/11/lifeliving/20856473&sec=lifeliving

Picture taken from today’s Star.

This chess tournament is really cool, you play the whole game 'blindfolded' which means you have to remember all the moves you've made since you won't be able to see the chess board physically. Gosh, I really really wanted to go for this tournament years ago when I was still a member of the Chess club at SBU...reading about it brings back hazy memories of my dad laughing at me and volunteering to teach me Chess.

Why did I stop playing ???

I am going to the PC Fair today, and I shall not look like techo-noob. I shall look and sound like a very intellectual technie or do they call them techies or teckies ? Whatever la, I'm going to read up some info on those laptops now.

BECAUSE I'M GONNA NEED ONE THERE TO KEEP ON BLOGGING AND KEEPING IN TOUCH WITH ALL OF YOU AND HUMOURING/BORING YOU ALL WITH THIS BLOG.

**** It's a joke I read recently. Okay people, tell me why mermaids wear seashells ?

Because they're too big for B-shells and too small for D-shells

I got this picture from Shawn from his blog..more like stole it lol..go read it at trickflip.blogspot.!!!

Direction

2008-04-09T18:36:00.008+08:00

Direction.
Just something Tarrant said the other day when we met up to get our SPM cert.

( Gosh all the teachers seem to have this similar train of thought; if 2 ex students of different gender come back to school together..they must be together ! As in a couple, girlfriend/boyfriend, special relationship, etc )

Cornily old fashioned la...passe sudah..times have changed and platonic relationships are very 'in' now, what with our 30-something-single-and -happily -so -career women and xxx times divorced men who're -too- scared -to -pursue -another -steady, -long -term -committed relationship again.

Direction. He says I'm lacking direction in my blog, the usual rantings and ravings and ( this is a complaint from everyone except my dance friends ) too many dance posts. Well, lately I haven't been posting up anything. I just didn't make time for my blog, and when I had any free time, all I wanted to do was to watch TV and talk to my mom or dream about dance and read my increasing collection of magazines.

I think I'm lacking direction in my life at this point of time.
The important things I procrastinate, like cleaning up my room, sewing new shoes, packing stuff, doing health checkups,...The not so important things but things I find more important, like practising dance ( which somehow these days, is starting to become more of a chore than a joy ) , reading, meeting up with friends, cardio-ing ( I've really become addicted to the treadmill machine ! I need to work myself on it for at least 30mins every day ! Keeps me from going insane.. Walking off the anger, boredom, and stress is so incredibily theraputic. And I tell you, runner's high is NOT a myth ! It has been scientifically proven !

But I still feel unfulfilled. I feel a sense of emptyness. This queer situation I'm in is so different from the life of busyness and hectic madness I'm used to. I'm not used to being COMPLACENT. I WANT TO BE A BUSY WORKING BEE !!!
I'm bored with my life right now. I want something more rigid, demanding, something with a sense of urgency.

Oh gosh, I want direction.

Blinded by the temporary joy meaningless activities give, i've been led away from God. But I had a very long talk with Benjamin about God yesterday, it was very enlightening. Never cease to pray...annointing..the Trinity, Father, Spirit, Son......

He made me realise that I've reached a sort of plateau in my spiritual walk with God too. I know, it's crazy, my up and downtimes with God.
Somehow, I don't talk to Him in the same way anymore. I'm so tired. I don't want to struggle with this strange weariness alone. This tidak-apa attitude that I'm just so..not used to. I'm not me. This is an alien Stephanie. It's as if I'm not in control of myself anymore, because I don't care anymore. My brain is mixed with realization of what's right and an indifference towards what's wrong.
I feel so freaking weird sometimes when I do some of the things I do; a great example would be food. Haha, imagine a Toxic Tuesday everyone...
But in my new New King James version of the Bible ( Courtesy of generous Benjamin ! ), Psalm 69 gives me hope. The 5th verse already says, O God, You know my foolishness.

God knows what I've been up to. And only He has the capasity and the capability to forgive the sins that I've done. The Lord knows how much I've sinned. Sin keeps you apart from God. The more you sin, the further you go away from God.

If I could be like Hiro ( of Heroes' fame, that s'upid tv show ), I'd reverse time and erase all the stupid things I've done.

But I can't. And the only thing I can do now is to pray for forgiveness, direction, and verses 16 in Psalm 69 : Hear me, O Lord, for Your lovingkindness is good, Turn to me according to the multitude of Your tender mercies.

Geez..as extremely emotional as this sounds…I've almost forgotten how right the words of the Bible sound. And how they never cease to amaze me with their appropriate-ness of context, time,place, and need. I've almost forgotten, how good God is, and how wide His unfailing love.

My Saviour..
My Lord..
My God..
and My Father.

Testing the words, 1,2,3…

Wow, rereading this made me realise what a long droning post this is...

BTW
Has anyone heard of the Save Sufiah programme ?
It's bloody stupid how Malaysians think of themselves ( great big egos we have lol, I mean, generally as a population ) as SAVIOURS. Hello, just because her mom's Malaysian and from Muar but so what ? She's a British national, she has got nothing to do with us - she was never educated in Malaysia, spent her life abroad, - Why do we have to offer our help to her ?
She clearly doesn't need it, she's got a good head on her shoulders in my opinion, and she's smart enough to find her own way. She knows what she needs to do, just give her some space la, there's no need to condemn and gasp and go ' oh poor thing ' when there're millions of kids out there in OUR COUNTRY who deserve our help and attention far more than she does.
Save Sufiah..tolong la.......................Dia boleh........

My INSIPID / INSPIRING week.......

2008-03-28T10:46:00.002+08:00

I've A FRIDAY OFF !!! OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG !!!!

Mon - Hectic morning, followed by 3 hours of jazz and ballet class, followed by work at night. :(
Please people, there's NOTHING to blog about work. It's just...work ?

Tue - Hectic morning, followed by 1.5 hours of jazz class and 3+ hours of travelling

Wed - Work Work Work... Did not do any dancing today, even though I could have sneaked out but I didn't..Yo yo, got to prac Jazz, PDC,Celeste's ballet work, Ms Adeline's ballet work...JUMPS...TURNS..ROUTINES..BALANCES..POSITION..TURNOUT...

Thurs - RECEIVED CU Student Documents !!! MY PIC IS IN THE CATALOG !!! OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG !!! Made up for non-dance day yesterday with 1 PDC ballet class and Ms Adeline's class. My lack of Stamina left me a zombie by 7 pm, did not do anything productive except read my CU student documents and cry and cry and bawl my eyes out.
I'm leaving...and it's so scary..all these halls and housing stuff..and fees...and I HAVE TO TAKE STUDENT PLACEMENT TESTS !!!!!!!!!! what the ??? SOME ONE TUTOR ME IN MATH PLEASE !!!!!!!1

Fri - ;) GIRLIE HANG OUT DAY WITH MY BELOVED SIS !!!! I don't care, for once, I shall not prac dance during my free time, I've precious little time to spend with my family now.

margaritas...............

You wanna know what's on my mind ????

2008-03-22T20:07:00.004+08:00

Some people asked me why didn't I blog about the election ? Hello, I was way too busy keeping track of it and discussing it and staying on top of all the juicy gossip and reading all those so called poisonous emails to be blogging bout it ! =)

Pre Election
Nervous anticipation

During Election
Glee, laughter, and ridicule

Post Election
Irritation. Like, GET ON WITH THE PROGRAMME LA!

Sore losers...having all these protests, and backstabbing, and spreading rumors, and refusing to acknowledge so and so, and lashing of tongues...ain't gonna help la.
Get on with the programme.

I'm really sick of politics now, some of you know I also blog at H.L's for socio-political issues/comments, because mine is a strictly personal life/dance blog and I don't want anything overly dirty/sick/disgusting in it, thanks very much.

Another reason is this; dancers go to my blog to read about dance, socially/politically conscious people go to H.L's to read ( or laugh ) about the state of our country's socio-political affairs.

Different blogs cater for different things, why be a Jack of all trades and Master of none ? Bazir masa aja...Setiap benda ada tempatnya dan setiap perkara ada sebabnya.. ;) my BM still sounds decent !

Seriously, don't complain if you find my blog too saturated with dance/complains/happy-fyingly lame stuff/Stephy deluxe style crap. It's mine ! That's why you come here to read it right ? You come here to read about me. And what I like/dislike/love/heart/crap/emo-ing about. Don't sigh if you see another dance post, just skip it ! The power of the scroller is in your hands.

By the way, I'm emo-ing now..I'm sick, with a whooping, hacking cough, my voice sounds 'sickly sexy', according to Tracy. I have to agree with here though, I think I can pass for one of those ..em..girls who can do phone sex with their deeply stimulating porno voice.

' ...Made me feel something somewhere, where, no other women has ever been able to make me feel before...' - Marc, Ugly Betty

And my SPM CERT !!!! ....

Better run now, got stuff to do. Love you all, despite the cold stares and shaking of heads you give me when you see another of my dance posts.........Thanks for loving me as I am ! I love you too !!!

Love may be an over rated word these days, but as Michael Jackson once said, " I'm a lover, not a fighter " ( The Girl is Mine, sung by MJ and Paul McCatfree, sorry McCartney )

Malaysian Punctuality

2008-03-22T19:55:00.002+08:00

Hey, everyone knows Malaysian time's different from the standard one the rest of the world's used to, right ? We're Malaysians, Malaysia Boleh Special la.

We run generally 5 - 15 MINUTES later than everyone else. There's just so many things we have to do that prevents us from being early or even being on time. Leaving the house 5 minutes earlier is really out of the question, what if I'm the first person there ? Then I'd have to wait for the rest ! Nah, let them wait for me instead...And there's that excuse of traffic, and with the horrid weather now, the excuse of rain. the excuse of parents/friends/bf/gf/cat/dog......

I'm freaking sick of waiting for you all to make a move. Why on earth can't you be DECISIVE ? Decide on where you want to go and eat and just GO. What's with the 'customary' hanging around and struggling to make polite but unsubstantial conversation to pass the time just to ' wait' for XXXX ? Is it some sort of tradition I,as a Malaysian, am not aware about ?

Some people just have no idea how IRRITATING it is to waste time. I just loathe hanging out with people who can't decide what to do and rather waste time chatting about mindless gossip. I just loathe waiting for people who really have NO VALID EXCUSE to keep me waiting.

STOP WASTING TIME !!!! LET''S JUST GO ALREADY !!!

Look what Google came up with on me.....

2008-03-20T22:53:00.003+08:00

http://wms.edu.my/spm.html

Wesley...you make me wanna cry.....

http://wms.edu.my/scholar.html

K after viewing my testimonial..I tersangat ingin balik...to Form 5...to have my school life back. I'd cherish it a lot more and do more outrageous things that I missed on doing. But I don't regret the choices I made on how to spend my time and who I chose to spend it with, I really don't regret skipping out on shopping and movie trips and going for dance/music classes,volunteer work ( although it was agony deciding!) and study stuff instead. I just regret ffk-ing my friends. Sometimes I wonder, if I hadn't spent so much time studying..would I have been a better dancer now ? Would I have been a better friend if I went out every weekend with my gfs on shopping trips and other girlie past times ? Would I have been a better person if I onlined more,watched TV & MTV like normal kids do, and did parties and hung out and got to know other people from the socialsphere, instead of spending time traveling between school and all those extra things and sleeping from sheer exhaustion?

Man, I'm bad at time management la.
Or maybe, I just doubt myself and my capabilities.

Astro and I

2008-03-20T22:41:00.003+08:00

Who am I kidding ? If I DON'T GET STARTED..LIKE SOON !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and STOP P-ing...
This is like school all over again...the exam-coming-soon-but-still-unmotivated-to-make-a-studying-move- senario.

Anyway, I googled myself for fun. Wanted to see whether I'm worth mentioning to some people.
Guess what? I am.

Prime Minister Presents Datin Seri Endon Mahmood and ASTRO Scholarship Awards
20-Aug-2007 - Article taken fr www.astroplc.com

Prime Minister, YAB Dato' Seri Abdullah bin Haji Ahmad Badawi, today presented ASTRO Scholarship Awards to eleven (11) deserving students as part of a higher education scholarship programme.

Currently in its second year, The ASTRO Scholarship Awards programme offers scholarships for undergraduate and graduate courses in local and foreign higher learning institutions. This unique programme allows scholars, who have keen interest in the broadcasting and media industry, to pursue a relevant area of study such as Engineering, Computer Science, Humanities, Mass Communications and Dramatic Arts (acting, stage design and film production), as well as Computer Graphics.

As part of the ASTRO Scholarship Programme, two (2) outstanding students have been selected to be the recipients of the Datin Seri Endon Mahmood Award for performing arts and humanities. This award was established in memory and recognition of the late wife of Prime Minister YAB Dato' Seri Abdullah Ahmad Badawi, and Founder of Yayasan Budi Penyayang Malaysia, to honour her commitment in revitalizing and strengthening the culture, art and heritage of Malaysia.

This year's Datin Seri Endon Mahmood Award recipients are Mohamed Hazeman Huzir, who will be pursuing a Bachelor of Arts in English and Literature at the International Islamic University of Malaysia and Stephanie Lee Su Ling who will be attending the Texas University to study Dance & Journalism.

Out of the remaining nine (9) Astro Scholarship Awards recipients, two (2) will pursue their studies in one of our many exceptional local universities while seven (7) will pursue their degrees overseas. Scholars who will be attending a local university of their choice are Khairun Nisa Mohamed Zabidi, who will be studying Bachelor of Arts (Mass Communications and Public Relations) at the Universiti Teknologi MARA and Kausilyaa a/p Rajakumar, who will be studying Bachelor of Engineering (Electrical & Electronics) at the Universiti Teknologi Petronas.
The students heading abroad are Anwari Ashraf Hashim, who will be studying Film & TV Studies at the Middlesex University, UK; Abu Bakar Siddiq, who will be studying Directing & Cinematography at the Full Sail University, USA; Siti Shazlina Mahadi, who will be studying Neuroscience at the University of Edinburgh, UK; Shriram Venugopal, who will be studying Electronics & Communications Engineering at the University of Nottingham, UK; Shawn Liam, who will be studying Multimedia & Computer Graphics at the Queensland University of Technology, Australia; Joel Lee, who will be studying Electrical and Electronics Engineering at the University of New South Wales, Australia; and Jason Kang, who will be studying Design for Advertising at the London College of Communication, UK.

With the latest additions, ASTRO now has twenty-five (25) students under the ASTRO Scholarship scheme. All of them will be offered a place at ASTRO to begin their careers upon the completion their courses.

ASTRO's chairman YBhg Dato' Haji Badri Haji Masri said, "The ASTRO Scholarship Programme was established in the effort of nurturing creative talent and develop human capital in the media and broadcasting industry. Offered exclusively to the immediate family members of Astro's subscribers, the scholarship awards are part of Astro's customer loyalty recognition and community development outreach."

The unique Astro Scholarship Award programme prides itself by being different from other corporate scholarship programmes by offering, not only world-class education, but also a promising career with ASTRO, and a specific development programme which includes a one-on-one mentorship with a senior ASTRO executive and internship with ASTRO's businesses and divisions in Malaysia and across the region, as well as ASTRO's international business partners, to combine academic rigour with practical industry exposure.

Bursary value of the scholarships ranges from RM8,000 per year for scholars pursuing a degree course in Malaysia to RM150,000 per year for scholars studying overseas. This will cover the students' tuition, living expenses, air travel where warranted, insurance, and internship expenses. By the fifth year, ASTRO hopes to sponsor 60 or more of Malaysia's brightest and talented students to pursue undergraduate and post graduate courses recognized by the Public Service Department (PSD), both locally and abroad.

The ASTRO Scholarship Award had attracted hundreds of applicants from across the country, from fresh SPM school leavers to those currently in the industry's workforce. Selection depends on an all-round combination of academic excellence, leadership in extra-curricular and community outreach activities, and involvement in the local performing arts. Short-listed candidates were evaluated based on a rigorous process involving essays, character and behavioral screen tests, and presentation of creative works, with the final selection done by a luminous panel which included representatives from local and foreign academic institution.
The presentation ceremony was in commemoration with Yayasan Budi Penyayang Founders' Day and Official Opening of Wisma Penyayang at Seri Kembangan, as part of the continuous collaboration between the foundation and the ASTRO Group's corporate social responsibility efforts.

- end -

ABOUT ASTRO
ASTRO ALL ASIA NETWORKS plc is the region's leading cross-media operator with Direct-To-Home satellite multi-channel television services in Malaysia and Brunei and soon, in Indonesia. It is the country's leader in commercial radio, and publishes Malaysia's most widely circulated magazine, the Astro Guide. The ASTRO Entertainment Network produces over 20 television channels of original and aggregated content of various genres in multiple languages. Celestial Pictures owns the world's largest Chinese Film library and its digitally remastered films are released internationally through theatrical, video, television and new media distribution, and the Celestial Movies channels. The strength of these complementary brands has extended into interactive and multi-media services, including provision of content for mobile devices. AAAN operates out of the All Asia Broadcast Centre, a fully-integrated digital broadcast and production complex in Kuala Lumpur

My Google search also showed that I'm mentioned on NST and The Star, our local daily newspapers. hmm...kinda depressing yet happy-fying in a way. I mean, I'm not mentioned in any weirdo's blog, at least not my full name...but on the other hand...

Sigh, having a fever and a real sore throat now...my bedtime headache is coming, my room is yet to be cleaned, my stuff is still in a mess, and I haven't gotten my luggage bag yet. Well, at least I sorted out my flight tickets...

Why am I so depressed bout leaving ? It's not like I've never left home before.
Should I come back for holidays ?????????

KIASU REGRET VS REALISM

2008-03-20T21:41:00.003+08:00

21st March - 15th July.
How many days are there left for me to enjoy Malaysia ?

There're so many things I've yet to do !!! And so many things I'm procrastinating !!!

The pile of 'kiasu regret' is getting higher and higher and higher and higher.

There're some things that I want to do because I'm 'kiasu', the infamous Malaysian/Singaporean - scared- of -losing- syndrome. I just want to do them so..I've done them, accomplished those things that teenagers do ! For instance, I want to

check out KL's clubbing scene since I'm FINALLY 18, PARTY ! PARTY! PARTY! Hang out with all my cool mates...;)
take blogging really seriously and make a really gorgeous blog with loads of gorgeous pictures & photos & write tons of interesting articles,
go to all the music/local gigs/MPOs/concerts/conventions/performing arts events
visit all the art exhibitions and watch language/art films,
do something really meaningful for charity,
date and fall in love,
eat all the famous Malaysian street foods ! In small,moderate portions of course..but there're so many many many places that I want to go and eat....I've got a whole book on 'em... Wanna eat roti bom, roti canai, mee kahwin, char kuey teow, rojak, cendol - I'VE NEVER HAD A PLATE OF ALL THESE DISHES TO MYSELF IN MY ENTIRE LIFE, I'm one sad Malaysian eh ?
meet up with EVERY SINGLE ONE OF MY FRIENDS before I leave ! Mamak and yum cha and shop and check out all those places that I've always wanted to go to !

But when I look at this list.. some of them are just so unrealistic and..not me.

The realistic things I have to do;

1) Fall in love. With Jesus Christ Superstar again.

2) Clean my room, get it ready for my sis. Get ready for uni - all that official paperwork which I'm so dreading...wtheck I should be packing up my stuff for uni already....But I am clearing up my stuff..gradually...Does anyone want my dance mags ? Maybe I should just donate my dance collection to TDS.

3) *** haha, this is extremely personal **** sew my soft ballet shoes and tights - Major procrastination of 2008

4)DO SOMETHING PRODUCTIVE WITH MY SPARE TIME APART FROM DANCE AND WORK. - SOMETHING THAT CAN PRODUCE VISIBLE RESULTS.

5) Practise PhotoReading. Omgosh, I still have almost 14 books ( NEW ) that I haven't touched !

6) Write letters.

7) Get me triple turns and split jumps and 'dancer's maturity' and technique UP TO STANDARD. And quit obsessing about class outside of class.

8) Spend time with the people who really matter to me; my family and my very small social circle of Besties.

9)Take a personal risk for charity. Haha, I can't really explain it here, ask me if you really want to know !!! ;)

10) Write essays, brush up my Math & English & comp skills, travel, go for Christian Education classes, participate in arts and music festivals,

11) GET RID OF EYE BAGS !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and P.E.C ! and D.B.C !!!

Kiasu regret list and Kinda More Realistic Me List.

Let's just combine both la...can we ? In a space of 4 months ?

TIME TIME TIME TIME TIME TIME TIME

MANAGEMENT.

HELP..GIVE MY STRENGTH.

Celeste Theunissen - MY jazz teacher of approx 2 years at time of writing ;)

2008-03-19T22:58:00.003+08:00

MY TEACHER IS SO SO SO SO GORGEOUS !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

These gorgeous pics are taken fr http://sandbox.mydancer.net

Mine is there as well, but obv I'm not as pretty as my teacher/sifu...

GO VIEW THE HISTORY OF CELESTAR STUDIO !!! AND DEF DEF MUST CHECK OUT THE PROFILE OF MY TEACHER !!!!!!!!!!!!

The Random Things I want / HAVE to DO before I leave

2008-03-19T15:49:00.003+08:00

Title says it all.

1) Tone up and get to my ideal weight and at the VERY VERY LEAST LOOK LIKE A PROFESSIONAL DANCER.

2) DANCE LIKE A PROFESSIONAL DANCER - Get my technique and consistency up ! This is like..practically all I ever do/obsess/think/dream about these days..... Triple turns both in Ballet and Jazz, SPLIT SPLIT SPLIT 2metres high GRAND JETE ELANCES and SCISSORS LEAPS..
But aside from that, I want to achieve the maturity of a dancer too - emotionally and mentally. I need to think and relax and truly just dance from the heart and soul. Cannot cannot cannot have a stupid fog/mental barrier/blackout/blurout/panic attack. " CANNOT." - oh so celeste....

eh, sorry sorry, this post is supposed to be about the RANDOM things I want/have to do before I leave, not about the goals I'm working towards. That's another blog post.

Aiyah..salah salah ...Never mind, I shall just continue writing. So what if terkeluar tajuk ( or whatever they used to say to us in high school when we wrote about a different subject from the essay topic given ). This IS MY BLOG after all. A record of my thoughts and all the 2320930293 different voices/personalities in my head.

So to retitle this post : My 2 main goals before I fly off on the 15th of July. - *** yuck, how uninspiring.....steph, what happened to your creative juices? dried up along with your tears last night ? ****

How much time do I really have left ?

2008-03-19T00:17:00.003+08:00

I'M LEAVING.

Booked my ticket just now.
15th July.

OMGosh !!!!!!!!!!
IT'S A ONE WAY TICKET !!!!!!!!!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Suddenly ,I feel so... so...argh, I wanted to blog bout my jazz classes and ballet classes yesterday but this news superseeds all...

One way ticket.
A one way ticket
MY one way ticket
The one way ticket.

The only other thing I remember as one way is the song by Planet Shakers.
'One way, Jesus, You're the only one that I could live for '.

Today's the 18th of March, well, technically 19th already. 4 more months to the Jazz 5 exam and the BJDW workshop. 4 more months of Malaysia.

The Moment of Truth

2008-03-11T21:30:00.002+08:00

'Who do you say I am?' (Mark 8:27)

This is the question Jesus asked his disciples. At the time, people had all sorts of opinions about Jesus - everything from a demon possessed lunatic to the Savior of the world. Jesus knows that how a person answers this question will set the tone for every other area of life.

No different today - which is why you need to answer this question as well. Here's the way The Chronicles of Narnia writer named C.S. Lewis put it:

A man who was merely a man and said the sort of things Jesus said would not be a great moral teacher. He would either be a lunatic - on the level with a man who says he is a poached egg - or he would be the devil of hell. You must take your choice. Either this was, and is, the Son of God, or else a madman or something worse. You can shut Him up for a fool or you can fall at His feet and call Him Lord and God. But let us not come with any patronizing nonsense about His being a great human teacher. He has not left that open to us. ( Mere Christianity )

Question #2-

'Who are you looking for?' (John 20:15)

This is the question Jesus asked Mary Magdalene as she looked into the empty tomb of Christ. She had heard that Jesus had come back, that He really is God, and that all His promises must be true. Yet...someone coming back from the dead??? So even with Jesus standing right in front of her, she didn't recognize Him.

Who are you looking for? Did you know Jesus stands before you at this very moment with the offer of salvation? Or do you doubt this truth because it seems so impossible? Maybe you are at the empty tomb of Jesus, ready to give your life to the One who can truly fulfill you, but you are still looking for that in someone or something else. A boyfriend or girlfriend. A future career. An academic award. A sports achievement.

Who do you say Jesus is?

Who are you looking for?

It's time for your Moment of Truth.

I got this article from dare2share.org. God is really amazing, He reaches out to me, somehow and some way. But that's what He's good at !

By the way, about dare2share.org - It's an awesome Christian webmag that actually doesn't sound preachy and has some pretty cool & relevant & intellectually challenging articles. Being Christian has more facades than one.......

Frustration caused by an Unreplied Text Message can be cured by Runga Bic

2008-03-09T00:21:00.004+08:00

Don't stray
Don't ever go away
I simply should be much to smart for this
You know it gets the better Of me
sometimes When you and I collide
I fall into an ocean of you
Pull me out in time Don't let me drown
Let me down
I say its all because of you
and here I go
Losing my control
I'm practising your name
So I can say it to your face it doesn't seem right
To look you in the eye
And let all the things you mean to me
Come tumbling out my mouth indeed its time
Tell you why I say its infinitely true
Say you'll stay
Don't come and go
Like you do
Sway my way
Yeah I need to know
All about you

And there's no cure
And no way to be sure
Why everythings turned inside out
Instilling so much doubt
It makes me so tired I feel so uninspired
My head is battling with my heart
My logic has been torn apart
And now It all turns sour
Come sweeten
Every afternoon

Say you'll stay
Don't come and go
Like you do
Sway my way
Yeah I need to know
All about you
Say you'll stay
Don't come and go
Like you do

Sway my way
Yeah I need to know
All about you
Its all because of you
Its all because of you

I love Runga Ric !!! Sway's my flavour of the day...Man, I'm so longing for you...RETURN MY SMS !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Sway my way............

By the way, some of you may be interested to know...her mom's a Chinese Malaysian. :) Her dad's a Maori warrior ;) She can play drums, guitar, piano, and she was part of many local jazz bands in NZ where she grew up in her teens.

And she's married ! I want her latest album ' Birds ' !!!!!

Deluxe

2008-03-08T23:17:00.002+08:00

( Haha, if you're reading this, Celeste/Tilla, thanks for being a source of inspiration for this post)

I'm thinking of changing my blog's name to www.DANCEDELUXE.blogspot.com. What do you think ???

Deluxe, deluxe, deluxe...it's such a nice word ! Catchy, simple, yet powerful ! And oh so trendy !
Who coined it ????

Actually, it's a French word ! Deluxe has its origins from Paris ! De luxe means luxurious or very fine in quality.

I must dance deluxe then !!!

Sway my way, I need to know, all about you..

2008-03-08T23:07:00.005+08:00

Listening to :

Michael Buble's Everything and Runga Bic's Sway. Am liking the latter more though....

I'm still waiting for him to sms/call. I sent him one earlier, asking " Whatca doin? ", and HE REPLIED..but after that, nothing.....

GERAMNYA AKU.

Won't you send me flowers too ?

Won't you look at me in the eye and ask me out ?

THE WORLD IS FULL OF WRONG GUYS......

Continuation fr My Ideal Guy List

2008-03-08T18:29:00.004+08:00

In today's news - two lesbians in Australia were sentenced to jail after they were found guilty of murdering another girl. One lesbo suspected that the girl ( their new housemate, or something like that, if my memory didn't fail me ) was flirting with her partner. So her partner decided to kill the girl to prove her love to the other. Guess what, after they murdered her, they kissed....

Did I mention that one of them drinks blood too as some sort of vampire ritual ?

This sort of sadistic news makes me very skeptical of love. If you really love someone, you'd trust them, not ask them to prove their love to you by taking another person's life, and kiss them right after the murder as a 'sick' reward ! Urgh...a depressing note to a positive post..

But let us remain positive and see whether I can come up with another 9 characteristics of my Ideal / Mr Right.

The Top 9 Characteristics of My Ideal Guy

Actually, to admit the truth, I already kinda have an ideal guy, whom I'm waiting for. But then again, he's just IDEAL, in my humble opinion. Mr Ideal may not be Mr Right. I don't want to impose too tight a criteria and campak Mr Right because he doesn't match ' this and this and that'. But I do have some ideas of people who are compatible with me and whom I can get along pretty well with. So this list is really..more like..a list of the common factors of guys whom I've fallen for share.

I've a long way to go, so maybe, I'll have to update this from time to time, but I think the general rules will persevere ! ;)

1. A man.

I cannot, cannot , cannot take orders from people easily. And I don't listen to just anyone, I don't even listen to my parents sometimes ! - the best example would be my career choice, which I fought for almost 2 years. Haha, I'm a real stubborn bitch at times.

Which is why I say, I need a MAN. A REAL man. A kind of guy who's mature, decisive, trustworthy, honest, someone who has a sense of purpose and direction and ambition in life, someone whom I can respect and admire, who'd always intuitively knows the right thing to do and doesn't need someone to mollycuddle/make all decisions 24/7.

I cannot, cannot, cannot stand wishy washy guys. The kind of guys who are always going " Should we do this ? Or that ? Aiya I don't know la, you choose " , who don't know what to do with themselves, what to do in life, how to make people happy, how to be discerning in judging people/making decisions/ taking action/ socializing, who lack confidence, and who aren't capable of taking care of others or being a good leader. Aduhai, I just can't.

Maybe what I'm talking about is society's image of a 'macho' guy. But a 'macho' guy doesn't necessarily have to be a guy who LOOKS tough and brave and capable and has all the 6 pack, triceps, biceps, whatever you want to call it. I mean, yea, they do look protective, to a certain extent ( I'd very much like to have them around when I meet a burglar ) but the maturity of mind and character is also very important.

I need a man who has a sense of integrity, a sound knowledge of right and wrong, and a great belief in himself and the good of mankind ( meaning, a person who still believes and sees the best in people, not the ones who pinpoint a person's fault and laugh at their misfortune ). A man who strives to be the best in what he loves to do, a man who has passion (for something else apart from sex! duh..) , a man who makes the best of what he has, and uses it to make it even better, a man who thrives in whatever environment, circumstance, country, and climate ! ( haha, the last one was actually intended just for rhyme, but somehow, it does ring true, I'd want a guy who can succeed in a harsh, biased, political climate, or deserts, snow, and storm ! )

To me, maturity is achieved when a person can take care of others as well as themselves, which is why my guy has to be a MAN, one who is capable of handling someone as volatile, impulsive, at times indecisive and unpredictable, and deceivingly innocent-looking but very stubborn person like me.

2. .............

You know what, these two requirements are the only ones I have for my Ideal Guy/ Mr Right.

I'm not asking for a good-looking guy, or making it mandatory for him to have a 6 figure monthly salary and to give me 3 holidays abroad a year. I'm not even asking for him to a faithful boyfriend/lover/husband/virgin even. I honestly believe in good, strong, foundations and to me, if he matches the 2 most important requirements I'm looking for, the rest of all that " must be loyal to me, love me as who I am 100% and my family and my cat and have a nice car and big house " crap will come too, naturally and eventually.

Haha, so to conclude, ( actually, I have really low standards right ? So..how come I'm still single ??? Aiya, God, faster bring him to come see me la! )

My Ideal Guy/Mr Right has to have the similar life principles as yours truly, has to share the same faith in the One True God, and has to be a man.

Tada. Only 3 requirements ( technically 2, because people of the same religion should share similar life principles, but then again that has not been statiscally proven so well.. )

Can I ever find one ?

*** I think I have ***

Novice Blogger Wants to Apologize

2008-03-08T18:14:00.004+08:00

Before I forget, I want to apologise for my bad editing ! Several of my blog posts are quite hard to read - yes, I admit, I'm not very reader friendly, when it comes to both content and design, but I'm trying ! So if you have any comments- content / suggestions - clarity, PLEASE LET ME KNOW !!!!!!!

" It's too late to apologise...it's too la...te....I said it's too late to apologize...yea..yea..yea. "
- STUPID SONG STUCK ITSELF IN MY HEAD AS I WAS TYPING THIS...-

My Ideal Guy

2008-03-07T01:44:00.004+08:00

Haha, I was reading Joanne Lee's blog - http://www.rainbowscolours.blogspot.com/ when I got an idea for this post...

Joanne's my prayer partner of 2.5 years, the person whom I go RUNNING/CRYING/SCREAMING to when I've trouble getting to God ! Despite the fact that we haven't seen each other, until like YESTERDAY for almost 2 years, I think I'm closer to her than a lot of people whom I see, talk, or smile to everyday. It's just chemistry, I suppose. But having a prayer partner ( especially one so faithful ) kept me sane throughout the SPM madness and the Gap Year Craziness.

Joanne, I dedicate this post to you. Thanks for always being there for me - the critical moments, the light hearted fun, the serious God talk, and the loving prayers.

And thanks for reminding me to stay and press onwards in the path I've chosen.

The Top Ten Characteristics of My Ideal Guy

( Voice 1001 in Stephie's head : Do we really have to do this ? Like uber embarrassing and boring and bimbo, no ?
Voice 122910 : No, no, no, we have to do this so Stephie will always be reminded and not fall for the wrong guy and get hurt and all that crappy stuff all over again ! It's a gentle reminder, now shut up and let her proceed ! )

- Perhaps to be reviewed from time to time..general guidelines, to prevent pain..like a panadol..only healthier ! ;)
- Ciplak a bit here and there la..fr a lot of people I know..but our idea of an ideal guy is basically a universal one ! Besides, imitation is the sincerest form of flattery, is it not ?

( Let's call him Mr Right/Ideal/Potential Ideal ) Religious Belief and Life Principles.

Mr Right/Ideal has to share the same principles of life with me. Meaning, he has to be of the same religion, or PRO CHRISTIAN at the very least. He has to be a person who loves God and takes religion seriously

- because I don't ? well, I'm TRYING very hard to k, I just read Jeremiah - But I love God. I really do, I just don't treat him that well, like the way I treat my own father and other males in general. Maybe I should stop being so chauvinistic in my way of thinking/ perceiving God as a male. Might do wonders for my spiritual life....

Religion gives you your basic fundamental principles of life, if you don't agree on the basic things of life, how can you possibly agree on more pressing / mundane issues ? How would Mr Wrong Masqerading as Mr Right/Ideal ever stay together with me and resulting us to being a lasting couple ?

Religion also equals to love. If you're a faith-believer, you'd have a different capacity of love. I somehow believe, that people who practise their religion faithfully, sincerely, correctly, and of course peacefully make better lovers.

Some think that when a person loves his/her God so much, they don't have anymore room for the human beings. But the truth is, we're created in the image of God and our Superior Creator has an infinite capability and capacity to love. And even if you don't believe that, use your common sense - ever seen a mother who has stopped loving their children ? Or a father who doesn't delight/feel even a seed of pride in their child's accomplishments ?

And besides, I can't be with someone who lies/cheats or likes to drink and smoke the whole day or doesn't give two hoots for charity/ friends/ spending time with family. I need someone who has similar life principles..ie : Someone who also believes in the importance of family, career, ambition, passion, hard work, humility, and service to others.

*********************I'm really tired now...blog more tomorrow la..........

Professional Dance Class - Ballet with Mr Zhou.

2008-03-03T22:40:00.005+08:00

Amazing God/hot guy. Which would you pick ?

Listening to ' Forever' by Hillsong, courtesy of Daniel Quah, the generous soul who loaned me his cds....

Aside from the yes/no dilemma I'm having now, dance life is going great ! In fact, I'm going to enlighten you guys on PDC Ballet class, the one conducted by Mr Zhou and Ellie Lai, the famous husband-and-wife ballet dancers, and the BEST BALLET CLASS IN THE WHOLE OF MALAYSIA. I've yet to meet such great teachers. You know what...I've been dancing since I was 5, but it feels like I've only REALLY started DANCE after I met

1) Celeste Theunissen - my fearsome Jazz guru..and the whole C.S.o.P.A gang...
2) Ms Ellie and Zhou Lao Shi - my inspiring, encouraging ballet teachers, and the whole E.Z.o.P.A gang

TODAY'S PDC CLASS

Will keep this short and sweet for all you dance noobs ! Lol, if you don't know how to dance - that's okay. If you don't know how to LOVE dance and life - that's sad. ;)

There were a lot of people today. I was asked to demonstrate glise at the barre - temporarily spaced out ! Gosh, I must have looked like such a fool...and I didn't demonstrate very clearly either so Lao Shi asked me to demonstrate it again..So much for my plans to excel in PDC and prove myself worthy of this class. But I came early today - actually I'm ALWAYS early, I HATE, LOATHE, DETEST, DESPISE being late for classes. Being punctual is not good enough sometimes, you have to come PREPARED, physically, mentally, and attitude wise too! - and Lao Shi CAUGHT me alone in the smaller studio, doing my warmups..to 'Voice of Truth' by Casting Crowns.

Hen embarrassing already...tambah with the glise incident...sigh....

Redeemed myself in the exercises after ! - STEPH, COME PREPARED LOL..DON"T DAYDREAM IN THE CLASS AND WATCH WATCH WATCH OTHERS SAMPAI LUPA SENDIRI PUNYA KAKI -

Lao Shi corrected me quite a number of times today, wonderful ! I'd never thought I'd say this, but I really like it when he pinpoints my mistakes and corrects me, when he goes near my feet and helps me push them ( albeit forcefully ) to a perfect 5th sandwich position, looks at me with this teasing, knowing smile, as if we're sharing a private joke ( which if we are, what is the joke ? ) and especially when he goes all philosophical and talks about the beauty of dance, in an abstract yet practical Chinese logic.

Like today, in the plies, he told us to feel ' beautiful', to go further, and really feel it. In the tendus, he told us to 'dance' and 'feel music', lift up more, and turn out. Gosh, he emphasizes so much on turn out..I was damn stressed on it today ! He specifically told me to relax my shoulders. I felt the tension melt away. He also stressed on the extension, especially in the frappe, he said we could all extend the toe more.

AND IT WAS SO TRUE ! THE MINUTE I STARTED POINTING THE ENDS OF MY FEET HARDER ( because sometimes I concentrate too much on my turnout/thighs and neglect me pinky toezzies ) , MY FOOT/LEG LINE JUST CHANGED ! THE WHOLE SHAPE OF MY LEG CHANGED TO BECOME THINNER AND LONGER !!! AND I DID SO WELL IN ADAGE TODAY !!! TOTALLY FELT THE STRETCH !!! I really understand ' extention' now !

He stressed again on the placing of the pointed feet in frappe when in degage ouvette. - Yes yes I must be more careful.

Rond de jambe - again more extention ! " Go high and longer, never stop!" Gosh, Lao Shi is never tired of saying the same thing all over again...

Adage - he made us stretch beforehand. I was already feeling awfully stretchy thanks to cardio earlier - try dodging cars in the morning rush hour. It burns calories real fast ...-

He really really wanted HIGH, LONG, TURNOUT legs. Everything had to be EXTRA Long, EXTRA backbendy, EXTRA extention and lengthen, EXTRA holding the leg in a crazy 160 degree position, EXTRA long long long loooonnggg penche...

But I haven't felt this good in adage in a long time. It's really strengthening. And it showed me how capable I really was, of achieving all his ' commandments ' ! I can..actually do it..compared to the first time I came/was wowed by PDC...

Grande battlement - I must have redeemed myself well in the adage and pleased him, because I was asked to demonstrate this. He reminded us to just G. B picke the leg, not the entire hip socket/body like a belly dancer and have lighter legs too. And he posed us a question - why is it that when our legs are thrown up high in the air, they don't appear long ? They should be long ( meaning extended FULLY ) then high ( meaning THROWN UP MAXIMUMLY ) "Always one or the other sigh..."

Those was one of the lighter moments in class, Lao Shi doesn't really crack jokes, but when he does, they're...not too bad. Really. Just not that all funny, when one's tired herself at the warmup exercises, trying to achieve his ideals.

And then, when we were stretching/relaxing after the strenuous barre work ( ONE HOUR !!! ), he talked about me ! In front of the whole class..said something in Mandarin which I HAVE NO IDEA what ( I REALLY HAVE TO LEARN MANDARIN...I":M THE ONLY ONE IN THE CLASS WHO POOZETAU !!! wthe..). But apparently he was talking about how he found me stretching earlier in the morning..I think he was pleased...and he said I've 'JING PU '. -THIS I def know..WOO HOO !!!

And then, he had me demonstrate the centre Port De Bra. YAYZERS !!! I MANAGED THE BALANCE - Double R.d.j en lair on DEMI POINTE and TRIPLE PIRROUTTES ON MY RIGHT SIDE @ LEFT LEG !!!

But somehow I couldn't recreate the triples for him in the pirroutte exercise..WHY ??? Because I didn't bring in my 2nd arm..I left my shouder 'hanging out there'. Only realized it AFTER I left class. But I was so exhausted by then. I need sleep ! And cake does NOT help in stablizing my blood sugar !

But I did well in the Adage. I had really HIGH, almost 165 degree legs ! And my legs were so stretched, long, thin, TURNED OUT !!! But my arms could have been better and more expressive...

Celeste said today ( at jazz class ) ( to me ) not to be FLUSTERED { and get all hot and bothered } when it comes to turns. I can turn. And I'm turning well. I just need to control it, and practise more for consistency.

WOO HOO !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! TRIPLE !!!! I WAS SMILING LIKE A GIGANORMOUS IDIOT WHEN I ACCOMPLISHED THAT !!!! The strangest thing was, I wasn't even THINKING of attempting a triple. It just..came..I think Annie'd relate to that..I saw her smile in the same way. I'm so proud of myself for the centre PDB. But I think I can, and I WILL DO BETTER.

Will BLOG about Jazz class tomorrow !

DANCE DISTRACTION

2008-03-02T01:30:00.003+08:00

Sorry if I sound like a mad, dance-obssessed person..which I am, but I'm slowly getting defocused..the motivation is chipping off slightly, and I need to get it back. I have to rotate myself back on track, cannot lose focus over a guy.

Now, WHAT GUY and WHO ???

That's for me to forget and you to never know.

But it's safe to say that as a dancer, one should not get distracted by the momentary things of life. Like boys.

He is so so so so so so so so cute......so my type la.......
BUT CANNOT ! Have to stop thinking of him, at this point of time in my life, I don't have the emotional maturity or ability to concentrate on so many important things at once !

I have too many things to do, and simply no time to commit to a relationship. I've t0 spend time and commit to God, my family, my Passion, my friends - hello people, yes I love you and no matter what,I'm always there for you, my work - this is a bit susah but still necessary, and my personal development. Not to mention, my personal farewell to-do list...

Gila la aku......
We haven't even started dating..and already I'm thinking of whether to commit into a relationship or not ! Gosh Steph leee..............

I think I'm just temporarily attracted to him. It's not going to last. But the other important things in my life will. That's why, I'm gonna stick to my guns, CONCENTRATE and DO WELL. Guys, I can slot in some other time in my life. Youth and energy and passion and focus and opportunities only come once, I have to maximise and reap the full benefit !

what the heck am i crapping i need sleep...........

************************************************************************************

DANCE ENTRY

2008-03-02T00:42:00.003+08:00

Saturday, 1st of March.

I only practised pointe today after a grueling 2 hours of Pilates class before rushing off for ** what else, my life only consists of dance,family, work,church, volunteer duties,friends**

And I only did like maybe 15 mins in all ! I was just so..unmotivated ! And I took too long a break ! Cannot Steph Lee, CANNOT. Just go put on your pointies after you finish Pilates class. Just get it done. Pull yourself together and PRACTISE ! You love pirrouttes remember ? The clean, swipe, whoosh, lift in the air as you effortlessly spin, strong and growing leaner and leaner on one leg, in a perfect position and balance, and the beautiful, tight, neat, tidy finish of a good, held, musical Pirroutte..

Yes Stephie, you love pirrouttes ! They are actually spelled with just one letter 'R' but because everyone I know seems to emphasis on the purr, so it has always sounded like a PIRR-outte to me...

( and actually, come to think of it, they DO make that sort of sound when you excute them perfectly and flawlessly ) I

Did

Pirroutte en dedan - slightly better, but I need to " HUG my muscles - core, arms, legs,- to the MIDLINE ". I need that sensation of stability, and drilling supporting leg right into the floor, core lifting me out of my hips and seperating my waist, whipping the head " ONE TWO " and perfect sandwiched 5th finish. Must stay up and drill down stronger! MUST GET THE DOUBLE ! DON"T LET GO OF THE WORKING LEG, KEEP IT TURNOUT AND PLACE IT PROPERLY TO FINISH !!!

Pose pirrouttes - COORDINATION ! For the left side, think of bringing shoulder ONTO hip while opening the first arm, so the points on the straight line are TOE-HIP-SHOULDER, then bring the 2nd arm quickly to close/hug and the shoulder to push( MOMENTUM ) to give you a better double pose pirr ! On the left side, the FIRST arm has to open wider k ? Think of turning the belly button to face the direction that you're going, to give you a better sense/line of direction. Arms aren't too high for the left side - bottom rib level will do. DON"T USE TOO MUCH FORCE..AND DON"T USE TOO LITTLE EITHER !!! Chaines are the same concept, just have to think of the shoulders and arms opening, the legs stay hugging the midline tight in first position ! Turn like a TORNEDO !

Pilates was better...I need to think about

MUSCULAR ENERGY
NOT JAMMING MY BACK, but USING MY OBLIQUES TO TILT THE PELVIC BONE UP TO MY HIPS
RIBCAGE TO BACK CONNECTION
The POWERHOUSE. Pelvic floor - Zip up and lift, Transversus - In and Down, like a corset. Obliques - Shortening and lenghtening to connect with rib cage. BREAK THE RIB CAGE to STRETCH THE BACK !!!
The Elephant exercise and push up variation
Spine roll down..sigh...high C curve..

Friday, 29th of February

Practised Jazz today with Tilla.

Jumps : Split leaps on the left side need to be FRONTWARDS, don't leave the back leg hanging out in seconde (like a dog pissing, Celeste's infamous words ). Scissors can be better and more spilt-ish...POINT THE BACK LEG !!!
Yen Shan's routine : NEEDS WORK.
Samantha's routine : Needs energy at the RIGHT places. Needs more PRACTICE. Needs BETTER HIP HOP STYLE AND SLIGHT ENERGY FOR THE 'SHARPNESS', the hip hop quality.. Needs bigger jumps ( Think of yourself as an athlete while preparing for this routine, says Celeste ) This is really turning out to be my favourite routine !
Wendy's routine : Remember that step cha cha forward ? Think of hips move back and front, really 'soft' and ' loose' feeling in the hips, kinda like a belly dancer. And remember, BE SEDUCTIVE, not sweety pie pie...Gosh, I need the maturity to carry this piece off..and flawless turns...

Thursday, 28th of February

Went for PDC and Ms Adeline's class.

PDC was good, I was slightly better, ALMOST DID THE TRIPLE !!! WHY ??? IT CAME BEFORE...IT CAN AND MUST COME AGAIN !!! But I did a gorgeous double attitude pirroutte en dedan ! I looked at myself in the mirror while doing it and it seemed..perfect..the thigh was at 90degrees..the arms were held..body was upright..leg was strong, drilled, and pulled up...ASTONISHMENT...if only Zhou Lao Shi saw it..

I didn't prac Ms Adeline's work..patutla agak teruk today in class - in my opinion.

She was STRESSING on

Turnout discipline and foot line during the barre exercises
My horrible SICKLED retire position. Steph Lee, WHEN ARE YOU GOING TO GET IT RIGHT ?
A high demi pointe and controlled fouette turn at the barre
GLISSES - especially en cloche and in 2nd
Grand Battements - picke ( this was in PDC..)
My arm position.........adoi......kena marah teruk......is it my back ???
Drilling pirrouttes for the Centre Port De Bra and the Pirr. Ex ....yes yes yes
The balance for the first Pose Arabesque
Jumps - Glissade derriere, jete derriere temps leve with arm gestures TWICE, jete ecarte, jete devant croix, pas de bourree, entrechat...I think...
Jumps must be quicker, absorb them FASTER !!! And do them well the FIRST TIME !!! MARK IT PROPERLY AND COUNT !!!

I think this is all I can type for now......stomach growlling la......and i've Church in .......7 hours.....sleep come envelope me in your arms.....................

I"M GOING TO PRAC DANCE ON SUNDAY !!!!!!!!!!!!!! I know I sound as if I've no life except dance, work, and classes...but really, I really have no so-called life apart from it.

And as taxing as it is, I LOVE IT.

* DISCLAIMER : this writer is not an expert on anatomy.she is just describing to herself how the dance step should feel. this description should NOT, in any circumstances, be taken literally.

Ok la ok la...

2008-03-02T00:07:00.003+08:00

Okay okay, I have to write down everything here, if not, these wonderful memories, along with its ancestors before this, will fade away and become but a distant, hazy, fussy, infomercial.

I shall split them into topics, for the benefit of friendly reading !

DANCE

I've been so demotivated recently but I'm trying to get back on track. It's just that, I HAVEN"T GOT MY TRIPLE PIRROUTTES YET !!!! I"M ALMOST THERE !!! I CAN ALMOST TASTE THEM...Fudge..and triple fudge....And I need my triples so I can get my doubles on pointe ! I've been practising almost everyday, whenever I've time to spare, in between work & classes & crazy classes (turns)

because I really, really, really, really

WANT TO SHOW LAO SHI AND CELESTE HOW MUCH I"VE IMPROVED !!!!!! GERAMNYA AKU !!!!!!! Okay, I'm gonna prac tomorrow, even though it's a Sunday. Just pirr, adage, petit allegro, and my jazz routines.

Even though it's supposed to be Family Day tomorrow, I think I'll just sneak off after lunch and go to the gym and PRAC PRAC PRAC !!! Because I must !!!

I'm seeing Lao Shi and Celeste on Mon...OH GOSH I HOPE I'M NOT FATTER....I'll just die, literally, if Celeste says I've put on weight......or if Lao Shi berates me for having too much fat on my body......And I will really die if I haven't got any progress to show them...

STEPH LEE MUST NOT MAKE ANY MORE EXCUSES FOR NOT DANCING/PRACTISING. because STEPH LEE HAS NO EXCUSE.

STEPH LEE HAS TO PROGRESS AND GET BETTER. because STEPH LEE LOVES IT WHEN SHE PROGRESSES AND GETS BETTER. STEPH LEE LOVES, HEARTS THE SOARING SENSATION OF SUCCESS AND PRIVATE ACHIEVEMENT!

STEPH LEE MUST GO TO THE UNI OF COLORADO AND EXCEL IN DANCE AND GET INTO INTERWEAVE DANCE COMPANY, LEVEL 3 JAZZ CLASS, AND POINTE AND VARIATION CLASS !!!

Okay, it's getting late, and I need my rest. Night everyone..will blog more tomorrow !

Blogging Dilemmas

2008-03-01T23:59:00.003+08:00

There comes a time where blogging seems so hard...
It means that I've too much to tell, and share, and cry about, and laugh about..

WOO HOO !!!

If my heart is the seat of all emotions, then it would be bursting at its seams now..BECAUSE I"VE SO MUCH TO SAY, TO DO, TO FEEL...

Oh gosh...........

I hate being in love........
And I love being in love............

Random

2008-02-26T19:05:00.003+08:00

" I broke up with you because I was mad at you, not because I stopped loving you "
- Rachel ( Jennifer Aniston ) from Friends.

I want to watch these movies so badly.. - La Vie En Rose and Atonement.\

I need to work on personal development.

I did a double pirroutte on pointe this week.

I feel " very the random ".

Which means I'm starting to crush on someone again...

UNIVERSITY ACCEPTANCE LETTER

2008-02-22T22:36:00.003+08:00

I GOT ADMITTED IN !!!!!!!!!!!!!!

My admission letters from Southern Methodist University and the University of Colorado arrived today ! FED-EXED !!!!!!!

THANK YOU GOD !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I'm still stunned. And speechless for once.

Will blog more about the whole story.......there's a lot to tell but I've to go thank everyone first !

PS : I'm currently reading Screwtape letters by CS Lewis.

Determination

2008-02-21T22:53:00.004+08:00

Today's dance classes were a tad disappointing. I expected myself to do better. In PDC, I didn't ' shine' enough...was just stuck to my own little world, getting distracted by my other oh so beautiful classmates. Didn't push myself enough. I could have done better. And in Ms Adeline's today..I was just in pain ! My knees........Stupid turn out ...and Jean's PY...put too much force and weight on my knees....

Didn't prac dance at the gym either..STUPID PT WANNABES AMBIK MY SPACE !!! I"LL GET YOU BACK FOR IT!!!

Okay, I will go rest now and do better in my own personal practise tomorrow !!!

FATIGUE IS IN THE MIND !!!!

My birthday video

2008-02-19T23:37:00.004+08:00

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=elhXHqftWaM

CHRISTINE LIM ROCKS !!!!! NO ONE HAS EVER DONE SOMETHING LIKE THIS FOR ME BEFORE !!!
Oh, you make me wanna cry.....................

She sang ' You and Me' ( my favourite song from Lifehouse ) and uploaded it on Youtube for my birthday !

THANK YOU !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Would anyone ( ESPECIALLY A CERTAIN J. FAM N. JIU ) like to sing me 'Big Girls Don't Cry' in an Indian accent ????

**** And for the record - The Jazz classes of 18th and 19th of February has definitely got to go down in history as one of the best classes I've ever done before ! I actually..didn't suck...and did...well..

So I'm giving all thanks to God !!! For showing me that hard work and perseverance actually brings results !
Always do your homework ! And push yourself a little further !!! *******

Blogging Resentment

2008-02-19T22:20:00.002+08:00

lazy to blog now....

body too sakit to blog....
brains too headachy to blog....
work too much to blog....
to-do list too long to blog....
personal dance practise too occupying to blog....
bible too tempting to blog....
pile of books and dance magazines too exciting to blog....
chores too taxing to blog....
friends too many to blog.....

There you have it ! My list of reasons why I haven't been blogging for the past ( gasp ! ) 11 days !!!!
But these 11 days, honestly, I've been too busy and lazy to blog. Time's too short to squeeze in a bit of bloggin with family, dance, work, CNY, Bible study, books, PhotoReading, chores, friends...

I WISH I HAD MORE TIME !!!!!!

Everytime I want to blog about an issue I feel very strongly about - ie: US politics - discovered so much dirt recently, dance enlightment, gorgeous music cds and books, everyday Malaysian ' marvels' - the new Jawi signboards in my area!, my work mates/dance mates,

something/one crops up.

AN INSTANCE WHERE I COULD HAVE BLOGGGED BUT DIDN"T

9th of February, the 3rd Day of CNY
- Went for Rachel How's open house and invited a bunch of my church mates over to mine for angpows.

Rachel has left Malaysia for the Uni of Melbourne...She got accepted..I'm so proud of you, Rachie!!!.
But I'm worried for our friendship - which is already hanging thread bare. Like, over the past 2 years, ever since we left high school, we've met a total of ??? See what I mean ???

Thank God she's not a high maintance friend. I got really really superbly upset on the day of her departure and called her, and totally confessed my emo-ness. Poor Rachie had to listen to another emo friend bawling on the phone. As if her 200--0-0 relatives and all those Uni application thingies weren't stressful enough.
But she still listened.

Despite all that, she STILL had the strength to comfort me and assure me she'll still see me in June when she balik kampung. Oh Rachel...AND she smsed me to tell me not to take drugs and drink while driving - HOW DID YOU KNOW??? - AND she smsed to tell me that her heart's definitely got space for me, like a whole ' bungalow ' of space!
Oh Rachel...

Actually, with all you people leaving for Uni, I'm starting to get a little freaked out myself. And extremely depressed. You guys are disappearing like RABBITS.

Instead of spending my time blogging, I wrote some cards/letters and went around meeting up with all the people who're leaving soon for Uni. Sigh...I miss you all already. And you are in my prayers always.

-Thomas. Who left for the Uni of Melbourne.
-Peak Sheng . Who left for Trinity College Aus.
- Cheng Lee. Who left for Monesh Uni Aus.
- Shawn Liam. Who left for QUT Aus.
-DARLING RACHEL. Who left for the Uni of Melbourne.
- Li Zhen. Who left for UNSW.
-Alysza. Who left for the UNSW.
-Jason Tang. Who left for Trinity College Aus.
-Izzy Lee. Who left for the Uni of Melbourne.
-Joel Lee. Who's leaving this Saturday for UNSW.

So, I made a promise to myself to plan my limitted time here before my departure -

Do all the things I've always wanted to do - CARPE DIEM MALAYSIAN STYLE, which basically means EAT ALL MY FAV AND ALL THE MUST TRY MALAYSIAN FOOD !!! ;) ,

See all my family and friends again for one last time before I leave, we can do this over lunch, tea, dinner, supper, pasar malam, island hopping, touring all the must-visit spots in KL,and other parts of the country which I've not been to, watching good shows

Prepare myself well for uni - SHOP ! for ...practical stuff, ya know..DANCE WEAR! and DANCE SHOES, get my own crock pot and mini teapot set - a must for me ;), BOOKS BOOKS BOOKS,

GET DANCE TECHNIQUE UP TO STANDARD - I want to take adv jazz and pointe&variation classes when I get to Uni !, GET STUDY SKILLS UP TO PAR AGAIN - gosh, I'm going back to school!!! must learn up some comp skills to show off, refresh my memory&study techniques, build up my Math, English, History, Literature, general knowledge - esp of US -, and of course,my WRITING skills.

Build up a superbly strong Spiritual Faith ! - read up more so I've a good general knowledge of Christianity, finish reading the whole Bible at least ONCE before I go, finish all my Christian themed books - Philip Yancey,Max Lucardo, all those Daily Bread loaves of wisdom that I totally forget to 'eat' last year

and of course the boring things like eye check up, dental check up, medical check up, visa smizas, and all the interesting things like hair cuts, pedi/manicures, spa holiday(s!).

I've great plans for Uni. And I must prepare well. So I can enjoy myself to the max, make full use of my time - NO MORE PROCRASTINATION STEPH LEE - and learn learn learn learn and reach my fullest potential !!!

MUST PREPARE MY JOURNEY OF FAREWELL ..WELL !

Therefore, I will have less and less time to blog... ;)

Short Stories - Part 2

2008-02-08T22:47:00.000+08:00

TIME

Time's always pressing me to use him properly. He's the only thing I really have, that I can call my own, and bully around as I please. I didn't inherit him from my parents or buy him from a shop. I'm given him as a gift. And of late, I've been abusing him real badly, no wonder he's complaining and making such a big fuss. ~~ K,k, I promise to use my planner properly and come home early every Wed and Fri so that I can spend time with my sis, attend the family dinner, and make time for Christian Education classes and CG meetings and BLOG. I also solemnly swear on mandarin oranges and lychee that I will come back home early on Sundays and recuperate.

POLITICS

The following conversation has been edited for clarity. Names have been kept anonymous for the sake of privacy

"I read your blog the other day and saw that you supported Obama. Why ? "

" I think he deserves it. I've listened to his speeches over CNN and read his policies. Besides I hate Bill, I'd never support Clinton "

" Because I think Obama would not make a good president. Clinton would make a worse one, but Obama would still be bad.You should support the Republicans"

I'd write more about the conversation but can't, it's linked with some very personal things and I didn't ask the permission of the people involved to post it up. Safe to say, it was a throughly enjoyable conversation. I saw a spark in someone that I've never noticed before. - - - I actually respect you even more than I did before. And I hope we'll always be friends even if Obama does win the election.

MATTERS OF THE HEART

MK, if only you knew how much respect I have for you, and how sorry I am to have to distance myself from you, but I really cannot stand what you've become. I can't stand the change in you, I want the old you back. But then again, I've changed a lot since the start of our friendship. Perhaps it's time to move on.

CN, if only you knew how much disdain I have for you right now, and how angry, stupid, used I feel. I wish I never took that first step to get to know you. I rather have kept those words/feelings secret, to have never started the friendship. Because those brief moments of happiness we had together brought nothing but pain in the end. And now, I don't feel any love for you. Only grief. For the time wasted.

CT, I'll wait. If I have to wait for you, I will. I always have a place for you in my heart. No matter what. ' The first cut is the deepest' is how the song goes, but to me, it's the first love that's the deepest.

Short Stories - Part 1

2008-02-08T21:16:00.000+08:00

CNY

Every year I kena CNY Kiasu syndrome. It's not just me, it's the whole family. ' MUST HAVE MORE, MUST BUY MORE, WHAT IF NOT ENOUGH ??GOT THIS AUNTY AND THAT UNCLE COMING, YOUR COUSIN EAT LIKE PIG ONLY, AFTER YOUR MEI MEI NOT ENOUGH TO EAT...YOU SEE THAT AUNTIE ? BUY SO MUCH WO... JUST BUY LA,NEVER MIND, EXPENSIVE SO WHAT ? WHAT IF NOT ENOUGH ? WORSE WO..'

djskldjs

Sounds so ah beng/jin jang/ chinese cockneyish when you put caps and exaggerate the words right ? But it doesn't sound that way when you're jostling at the market with your mother, carrying cheap orange plastic bags heavy and full with roasted pork, raw fish, fresh broccoli, sweet smelling oranges, and oily chicken feet, trying to avoid being trodded by the army of mad cows,sorry, aunties with their entourage of Indo mee, sorry, Indo maids, and dressed in flimsy flip flops and (God forbid! ) a white sheer mamak T-shirt and no bra

sdsdsd

I'm still not getting into the spirit of CNY, despite undergoing all the mandatory craziness of late night shopping and last minute purchasing. When most of your family members are away/living abroad, and there's oh so few of you, there's really no point in celebrating. What's the point ? No children, no grandparents, no smoochy young couples = no CNY merriness.

There's no one left to eat the plentiful food or quarrel over the TV remote with. We sit around and stare at each other, lost in the peals of laughter from the contestants of the HKee gameshows that's always being played on Astro Wah Lai Toi during CNY. What's there to do - too few people to gamble with ( and besides, we don't gamble or drink, since my grans passed away ) and too few people to show off new red threads to.

sdsd

My last CNY here. Despite all this, I'll miss celebrating CNY at home. The preparation's half the fun actually - cooking, cleaning, washing, putting up new things. And family brings in the other 50% - 110% of CNY. Angpow joy is shortlived really.

skdjskd

I miss my cousins ! I miss my aunts and uncles ! I miss my paternal grandparents ! But most of all, I miss my Ah-Ma..my loving bear, survivor of a Grandma.

sdkjskdj

CNY's too overly peaceful this year. Everyone seems to have other plans. Well, I'll be celebrating my next CNY in the States. Hope it won't be as dismal as this. Or maybe I'll skip it altogether. After all, the meaning of CNY is lost without family

Oh I'll miss the memories......

lkdlskdsl

A PAIR OF HUSBAND AND WIFE WERE EATING THE REUNION DINNER ( on CNY eve ) ALONE. They sat next to us, and ordered 1 large Yee Sang, 2 vege dishes, and 1 plate of chicken. Just two people, eating alone, dressed in their everyday casual wear. A table away, my family chatted and cajoled each other to eat more, scooping food to each other's plates despite the weak protests of various new tight-fitting outfits we were wearing that night. What a contrast. But at least, they had each other. Steph Lee's worst fear ( I have a lot but this is probably one of my Top Five All Time Fears ) is to have to celebrate some major festival/ holiday alone amidst the merriness, joy, and cheer. That would be the biggest test of one's independence.

Shouldn't expect Fireworks on your first week.

2008-02-08T18:49:00.000+08:00

The alcoholic chocs I received for my birthday.. ;)

I haven't been blogging for quite a while, since last Saturday ! That's really unusual for me, and I've been trying, believe me I have, every time I jog and watch CNN / the OC in the morning, I think, oh better remember to blog tonight. But hee hee, I don't. When I get back home at night, I'm far too exhausted to spend precious energy online, rather creep into the warm, comforting embrace of my faithful partner, sorry, bed.

I can't remember what I wanted to blog about, because every day, I wanted to blog about a different thing. So I'm gonna summerise my week to refresh my memory ;)

This list is to simplify life for meself yea ? I need to remind myself constantly, people say I'm very forgetful. But that's no excuse. It's all in the mind. My brain is capable of remembering an entire textbook in 10 minutes, I just have to utilize my brain power to the fullest, cannot let the gray cells be lazy..

SUMMARY OF MY WEEK - WHAT DID I DO ? WHAT WAS I DOING ? ( two questions you never want to ask after a dance performance or a one night stand )

Sunday, 3th Feb

- Lunched with Jenn, Jo, and the nameless bf.

- Practised dance

- Experienced Self Realization about how selfish I've been

Monday, 4th Feb

- Missed PDC ballet because I had to nurse my sick sister. From suspicions of a food allergy... to German meascles...to a viral/bacterial infection... Poor thing, luckily she recovered on the eve of CNY.

- Taught classes

- Participated most willingly in a Choc fest. Naughty D.I.S people...Fed me a whole packet of white hazelnut chocs and another box of dark choc with truffle filling laced with hazelnuts and almonds...Oh the sinful calories..But it was wonderful no doubt.

Tuesday, 5th Feb

- Went for Pilates class

- Did some very last minute shopping for CNY ** BLOGGER ALERT ! ***

- Went back home early after work due to exhaustion.

Wednesday, 6th Feb

- Work...CNY eve doesn't mean anything really. After all, what better way to leave the Year of

the ___ than to be productive ?

- Ballet class with Ms Adeline

- Went back to the gym to prac Jazz. It felt great. Jumps were soaring. Every inch of space was

mine. The joy of having a whole floor to yourself. Dance like no one's watching. I love jumps.

NOTHING tones your muscles faster than grand jetes.

- CNY eve dinner..sigh... ** Yea, I saw something that night that I simply need to blog about too * **

Thursday, 7th Feb

CHINESE NEW YEAR !!!

I did some paperwork, watched lots of TV , whiled my time away like the rest of you, dined at Sek Yuen...AHA, remembered some stuff I should blog about TOO ! ~ grins like a manja babe ~

Had an incredibile conversation. About Politics. About AMERICAN POLITICS. for a grand total of 3 hours. Which even continued to the next day. Shoot, I think my support for Obama has sort of wavered since I found out about his non-existant stand on the Afgan War. BUT I still refuse to support the Republicans or Clinton. Especially Clinton - freaking no way, woman, female, XX cromosomed or not. blarr....

Friday, 8th Feb - Today

YAY I jogged for a grand total of 1.5 hours ! But I did not practise dance - adoi...................................................................OH DON"T ASK ME WHY. Something really stupid happened and made me lose my appetite to 'taste' pirrouttes today.

Then lunched with Daddykins...Then Bad Daddy ffked me. So much for the father-daughter bonding time.

Momster and Sisom already left for Bangsar. Without me.

Actually, it's my fault. Maybe I shouldn't have ditched them in the morning for the gym.

So what's me supposed to do ? Simple. Go upgrade my knowledge of personal finance in Kino and indulge in some reading pleasure and retail therapy.

BUT IT'S JUST SO SAD WALKING AROUND IN KLCC ALONE.

WATCHING

THE INDONESIANS CHATTER HAPPILY ON THEIR DAY OFF,

THE GRANDPARENTS LAUGH AT THE JOY OF THE RED-CLAD CHILDREN WHEN THEY DISCOVER WHAT THEIR ANGPOWS CAN BUY,

THE KAMPUNG PEOPLE WAH AND WOW AT THE WONDER OF PETROSAINS, THE EXPATS COMPLAIN/COMPLIMENT ABOUT THE SERVICE GIVEN,

THE JAPANESE TOURISTS SNAPPING COUNTLESS PHOTOS OF THEMSELVES, HOPING TO GET AT LEAST ONE VERY KAWAII ONE TO SHOW THEIR FRIENDS,

THE COUPLES WINKING AND SMILING TOGETHER, CLASPING HANDS, WEARING MATCHING COLOURED CLOTHES, PRETEND QUARRELING OVER THE BILL.

The last one really set me on 'foh ' / fire. And what with the incident that just happened before lunch. All sadness snowballed in.

Guess what I did next ?

A ) Went to my favourite restaurant and ordered a Sangria and chatted up a table of strangers, becoming more cheered up considerably.

B ) Went to the nearest cafe and ordered myself two cupcakes, but found it too awkward to eat with so many clumps of people around ( including my ex make up artist, she would have been livid to see me without mascara and eyeliner ) so forced myself to eat half of each, make a pretend phone call and make a quick, relieved, getaway.

C) Went to a real swanky restaurant and made reservations for two for Valentine's Day.

D) Went to Starbucks and ordered my usual order ( despite the absence of my favourite barista ) and sat down to read my new purchases.

E) Called my bestie and cried in front of everyone. Then went to watch Kungfu Hustle, which made me cry even harder.

F) Called the Bad Dada and whined and begged to be chauffered home, complained all the way about his miserable attempt of allowance money, and got him to promise me a new credit card, with HIGHER limits...

If you wanna try guessing, leave a message at my chatbox. Thank you.

The summary of my first week of being 18.

Notice one very very glaring fact.

There's no drink involved.

Dance Log

2008-02-03T22:22:00.000+08:00

Warning : This is a dance post, about my personal dance & pilates prac and what I've discovered about my own body. Run away while you still can.

Somehow, today's practise was infused with weariness. A weight of sorrow and tiredness damped my spirits but I made myself do just PDC work, because I've class tomorrow and I absolutely NEED to practise before class, otherwise I'll just suck. I need to revise the movement and fire up my muscle memory so that I'll be able to work on improving things tomorrow instead of strategizing ways not to end up looking like a damn fool. AND I HAVE TO PRAC JAZZ SOON..can hear Celeste in the background * shudders * Must improve, and get better, and improve, and get better,

Ok here goes...

Started with a 30min cardio blast. Shins were hurting, heart wasn't beating fast enough to keep up with the machine's pace, blood flow didn't increase rapidly enough for me to look like a nonchalent jogger. But I digress. I still did the necessary cardio to warm up my legs. Inner thighs fired up, but I could tell the rest of body was reluctant to participate in the warm up. Bad body.

Did Pilates to fire up my core muscles. Dancers have to dance from the core, Elynn of all people, helped me to see that. Engkau buta la Steph.

By order of the exercises : Spinal roll down, Ball hip release, Shoulder protraction and retraction, ab prep on ball, 100's, single leg stretch, oblique twist, double leg stretch, ab pulses, a Teaser variation, side abs with ball, push ups, stretching...

Seemed a lot more when I was doing it.Why does listing things down make them look less significant ? Nevertheless, proceed.

PDC Ballet - Did 5 barre exercises.

Plies - smoother transistion, find your ab connection & inner thigh muscles & WORK YOUR TURNOUT fr here. Be careful of the arm position in 2nd, lift palms up okay ?
Tendu - 5ths !!! And you have to use the metatarsal !!! The ronde has to feel like a sail, growing 150% longer ! Extention, Push, Pull, Turnout, Ab connection, CORE
Glisse - the fast glisse in 2nd position has to be faster ! 1 + 2!, 3 + 4! Don't forget the coupe position during the petit develope, very important to be clean and clear in demonstrating every movement.
Rond De Jambe - By this time, my back was aching..and this ex has a balance in it. The Rond de jambe Jete was not inspiring enough Steph, you can ronde and throw it even higher ! Pull it out of the hip socket !!! And don't forget, a rond de jambe must work the turn out EVENLY on both legs !!! Supporting leg hang on there and ram strongly into the ground ! The balance ! Think of the core, the rib to hip connection, the inner thigh shadow solid into the ground, both arms and legs must grow in the opposite direction !!! HOLD the balance for 3 counts at least !!!
Adage - my back was hurting so badly by this time. But my penche in this ex was much better. Must think of Zhou Lao Shi screaming ' LONGER , then HIGH ' . Fondu's were surprisingly very fine too, must be all the fire in the inner thighs. But the fondu devant on rise must be higher ( working leg, at least 150 degrees ) and stronger/straighter ( supporting leg, pull up your saggy knee cap la ! ) Don't forget the turnout in BOTH legs, NO TIME FOR NEGLECTING , when you melt the leg in.. And your fouette was pathetic, Steph. Mana ada orang henti in the middle of the ex, just to catch her breath ? And this is adage, already you are tired. How are you gonna last the class ? * K Steph, stop berating yourself ala Celeste, and go sleep early tonight. And overdose yourself on chocs * EXTENSION !!!!!!!! MELT !!!!!!!!!!! ARMS !!!!!!!!!!!! POSITION !!!!!!!! LENGTH OF THE PENCHE AND STILLNESS OF THE FOUETTE !!!!!

Did the 3 centre exercises - Port De Bra, Pirr, and finished practise of with the Amen Adage ( I like to call it that because in the middle of this particular exercise, during the pivot in arabesque, the songs sings AHHHHH and I always sing MENNNN silently to compliment it because after that LENGTHENING pivot, we need to do a long penche in a torture worthy set of 8 counts...I need to say my prayers for that kan?

Port De Bra - STIFF !!! Yo, why does it look so awkward and constipated...keep it looking natural, lengthen, and whip that double pirroutte into shape ! Keep the arm position, wind beneath your armpits - haha, where did I get that from ??? - Feel like pushing the water away, going UP UP UP and finishing in a perfect closed 5th..ah, the taste of pirrouttes. I'm so hooked up / fixated / OBSESSED with getting perfect doubles. I CRAVE triples........

Pirr - HAVE TO PRACTISE THIS !!!! Remember Ms Adeline's tips about the arm position and shoulders and the core !!! and remember how a really good one feels like ! PRACTISE !!! DON"T GET DISTRACTED BY THE STUPID PEOPLE WHO WALK PAST AND STARE !!!

Adage - I nearly wanted to pass on this, but I couldn't. Okay Steph, be careful of your elbow, the shoulders square-ish but the upper back turns to create that aplomb line ! Remember to have the " long line " when you pass the leg fr devant to derriere, Extend till the muscle fibres pull the bone, NEAT and CONTROLLED balance and Pas de bourree,ATTITUDE PIRR !!! , and that double ronde de jambe thing on 1 leg - QUICK CONTROL !!!.

Penche's are pretty easy really, just remember to extend the leg higher and higher to PUSH / TILT the body forward - which is the exact translation of penche actually, penche means to lean/tilt no ? - Recovering from one takes a LOT OF CORE WORK !!!. Ecarte side developpe must be higher, OFF AXIS !!! And that rombasse - push off into releve and arch the back, make it look like a real circular movement, don't cheat!!! Gather the flowers and swish the rond !!

Fine finesse and you've clinched it ! Remember, Zhou Lao Shi wants more "fine feeling' from you. Be subtle and powerful. Ballet is internal.

GO TO BED !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! SLEEP !!!!!!!!!!!!

Tomorrow's another hectic day. People please pray for my sis too, she got a food allergy. I just received the news. Wish I was home more often. But really, it's my fault.

* Jon Fam..you can be a real puzzle sometimes. *

How To Save a Life.

2008-02-03T22:06:00.000+08:00

Where did I go wrong, I've lost a friend,
...
Had I known how to save a life.

- How To Save A Life, by the Fray.

This was the song I rewinded again and again to facilitate my salty tears.
I've just read your blog. If only you knew, when you grieve, I grieve too. I may seem two dimentional at times, but I really do care about you. I'm sorry if my intellect can't catch up with yours, I'm sorry if my comprehension skills cannot make sense of your pain and weariness, I'm sorry for not being able to be there for you, for being so helpless in your hour of need.

I really do care about you too, S.L.M, but sometimes, 24 hours just aren't enough to do all the things I want to do.

Numb grief took over my appetite when I heard what happened and how much you needed me at that point of time, and how terribly I've failed you. Is it true ? That I care more about the outsiders than you guys ? Am I really all that externally dressed but internally empty and substanceless ?

2nd Day of Being 18. It's tough. I'm not loving it.

I'm glad I didn't go to the Switchfoot concert. I'm so glad I didn't.

Goodbye Kiddo

2008-02-03T00:06:00.000+08:00

I've only been 18 for a day and already I feel so weary. What happened to the elatedness of youth ? The exhiliration of turning 18 ? Pah, rubbish I tell you. The last hours of my 17 years were frankly some of the happiest I've experienced so far. And I tell you, I've experienced my fair share of pain, agony, discrimination, heartache, humiliation, stress, and fear, so I have every right in making comparisons.

But thanks so much, everyone who came and got me prezzies ! It was such a last minute thing, I'm frankly shocked you guys managed to come...Did you know they ran out of food ? Was it that good ? I wouldn't know, I was running up and down, hugging ( if before,I told everyone that dancing's the best exercise in the world, I now declare hugging the best calorie burner activity ever ! ) all my friends who came. I know some of you couldn't make it, and seriously, it's okay.
Perhaps Fate decided the attendees in advance. And I know, ramai yang kena buat performance, kerja, ajar, tak dapat cari transport, pergi cuti dah, and etc. Don't feel a pang of guilt, I rather you use that energy to plan our next meeting or think of a great bday prezzie for me ;) !

The evening went on pretty well, from what I hear from my party planner ( LOL !!! ). Games were awesome, according to various sources - you guys sure enjoy watching someone else get humiliated on the floor ! sadistic sa kais you -, but the highlight of the evening was definitely Khai Hoong and Jon Fam's singing rendition of my birthday poem, composed by the former ;)
Gosh, I can't believe I've only known you guys for 2 months..And I thought I'm the writer ? BLAH...No wonder you two were grinning in that overly gay,conspiring way...( please, Kelly, gay here means happy k, not the other one k )

Here's the poem for those of you who missed their song and for those of you who didn't..
Admire.

Now my friends we gather here,
Just before Chinese New Year,
Oh what a thrill,
We're in Bukit Jalil,
For Stephanie's party,

She is just eighteen years old,
With a scholarship thanks to Astro,
Fresh out of school,
But she's nobody's fool,
And bound for Colorado,

She's so tall I asked her why, ( Khai Hoong, you're treading on DANGEROUS GROUND here )
That's because she's a quarter Thai,
While growing up,
Saying 'sawadeekap',
That's just not Stephanie, ( yea lar, I know I'm short lar..you two tall handsome dudes laugh at my 5''6 height la )

We all know she loves to dance,
That the door at every chance,
From a ronde
To a develope,
And jump and slide and sway,

When she surfs the internet,
She likes to talk,
And she's proud of her blog, ( YES YES I AM !!! I cringed and laughed when they sang this part...)
It's called ADAGIO,

Just before we end this rhyme,
( I'm going into Extra Time )
We'd like to say,
On this awesome Friday.....
To Steph, Happy Birthday. ( perfect rhyme..excellent )

Steph Lee's Thank You List

MOM - is this the largest font ??? I LOVE MY MOM !!! SHE'S THE BEST MOM EVER ! SUPPORTIVE, DYNAMIC, LOVING, CARING, FUN,SARCASTIC - haha I had to put this in ! where d' ya think I get my sense of humour -, CREATIVE, ORGANIZED, GORGEOUS, and ABSOLUTELY FABULISTIC !!! Mom, you're the coolest mom ever, you give me anything and everything I need or desire in your power to give , the latter most of the time ! WITHOUT YOU, THERE"D BE NO ME... gosh, and that would be a sad sad world....
My family. I know my friends are a great bunch of people, and I'm so lucky and don't think I deserve your friendships really, but honestly speaking, I think the people who've always pulled me out of trouble and stuck by my through thick and thin are my parents, my sis, my cousins ( HONG LUN I HEART YOUR T-SHIT, sorry SHIRT ), my late grandma, my Mom's darling siblings who are also my AUNTS..and my other set of extended relatives.
GOD. IF the whole world abandoned me, You'll still be there for me, my Abba Father whom I hardly make time for...THANK YOU FOR LOVING ME shitless, even if I totally fucked up everything I did, YOU'd STILL LOVE ME UNCONDITIONALLY despite my vast stupidity,foolishness, naivety,plain bodohness, YOU"d still wouldn't condemn me and love me WHOLE HEARTEDLY which is something I'm just plain grateful for.Oh the power of cussies ! won't all you teenage people agree with my raging 18 yr old hormones which are just about to be taking over my sanity WAKAKAKAKAKAKKAKAKAKA...
Everyone who came to my party and wished me Happy Birthday. Here's the exhausting list - just scroll down and look for your name la, tak payah busybody and kepoh lol..

WMSers - ( In no particular order k, I don't play favourtism, I hate and love you all exactly the same! ) Zhuang Xiao, Alex, Jian Han, Jason Loh ( and gf !!! so cute you two ) , Cheng Lee, Xae Hoyy, Khai Wen ( and bf !!! ), Tarrant, Peak Sheng, Mary, Jason Chow, Hui Shan, Munnie,Rachel How, Sue Ching,Mel, Yiing Chyi,
C.C.C people - Once again, no particular order...but admittedly I love some of you more, and you know who you are.. Jenn and Jo Lau, Ryan Chew, Christine Lim ( the 1st guests to arrive I LOVE YOU 4 !!! ), Pastor Micheal and Sis Siew Chin, Hai Yen, Emily Tang, William Mok, Wing Tsun, Agnes, Daniel Quah, Kumar, Daniel Lim, Cherie, Alyssa, Beatrice, Cheryl, Joel Yap, Annette and Matthew Chan, Desmond, Tommy, Josiah, Abigail.
My BK FRIENDS !!! Ken Jon and Jon Mah
MY ASS-TRO [sorry sorry, TYPO, Astro.. ;) ] soon to be workmates and already superbly tight friends Joel Lee and Shawn Liam
The Jokers of the Evening...Khai Hoong and Jon Fam...adoi you two....
My SBU muakxxies... Kim Loh, Peh Lin, Sze Min, Shin Yi
All those who tried to make it but couldn't : Claire, Sam, Yi Zhen, Thomas, Rachel Janaki Raju,Ruki, Hui Wen, Zhi Wen, all my dance ( BOTH BALLET AND JAZZ, CAN YOU BELIEVE IT ??? THE PEOPLE WHO'VE SHARED MY PAIN, JOY, LAUGHTER, AND TEARS FOR NEARLY A YEAR...WHO MEAN SO MUCH TO ME...) classmates - party planner's oversight la.......Sharon !!! ...-, Chow Sook Yee, Jackie, Richmond, Asher, Sarah, Kim, Elsa, Yean Xin, Caryn, Kay Lee, Pui Yee,Rachel Heah, Denise Chuah, Andrew Chow, Connie, Jason Lim, Natalie, MY DARLING PRAYER SIS - Joanne Lee, Bahirah, Shaj, Manpreet, Janice, Mikella, Samantha fr church, Raymond fr church...

I'm awfully sorry if I missed out anyone...believe me, I didn't mean to do so ! Tried my best to remember who came...coz I didn't exactly draw up the guest list so...but thanks everyone, lova ya all...

I miss being 17 already. When I poured that champagne, and blew the candles, I glanced around, trying to remember every single detail, every single face, every single thing. Memories are all I have. I don't think I'll ever have such an awesome party again, perhaps, this is an 'if' clause. We'll all leave and go our seperate ways, travel and settle down in different countries around the world, I doubt I'll ever be able to gather the same bunch of friends under one roof ever again. For some of you, this might be the last time I ever get to see you.

I guess, what being 18 really means, is, farewell to 17. Like Hong Lun and Aemilia so aptly wrote, ' Welcome to Adulthood'.

PS : No one can say God's not fair.

My 1st day of 18yr-hood came with its fair share of challenges. One of the most self negative days I've had in awhile. Couldn't concentrate in classes, my pupils prob thought I totally sucked, cried while listening to one of my birthday presents, I didn't prac dance because of stupid stupid argh I don't want to say it,

But, Celeste smsed " Happy Birthday " to me. SILENCE. STUNNED.TOTAL HIGHLIGHT OF THE DAY. And Tilla and Sze Ann msged me right after that. More birthday messages soon followed and it rained real bad the whole evening ,so now, there's that fresh, after rain scent which I just love. I couldn't go to the pasar malam and get my fav pancakes but I opened Jason C.'s chocs instead and had FOUR gorg ones all to myself. I got paid today despite all the shouting and threats and near death situations..Stupid Switchfoot concert's on today and I didn't go because...argh another stupidity of mine but anyway I went to KLCC anyway and met up with Jia Wei - happy b'day girlie ! , Theng Koon, Rachel How -AGAIN !!! - , Li Geok, and the stupid Clinton supporter Kenneth, which was way more fun than any stupid old rock concert would have been. Oh, but meeting them at Chilli's reminded me so much of Thomas..

I haven't got anyone to spend Valentine's Day this year with !!!! SHIT..I'm actually gonna be celebrating it alone...even my gf/bf's aren't here to celebrate it with me no more.. PEOPLE ! If you're celebrating it without that stupid over rated so called better half/special someone, COME FIND ME !!! But then again, I've lunch dates for next Tues and Wed...and meeting my darlings Jenn and Jo for lunch tomorrow too ! And so many CNY open house invites this year !...And the guy I'm currently eyeing..seems to be eyeing me too...His gorg smile..Oh Swooness..

Yea, no one can say God ain't fair.

happy birthday to me..............

OBAMA

2008-02-01T00:05:00.000+08:00

VOTE FOR OBAMA !!!! OBAMA !!!

OBAMA !!!!
OBAMA !!!!
OBAMA !!!!

There's a myraid of reasons why you should vote for him, but just listen to his speech on CNN today - it was awesome !!! He totally convinced me he can lead America.

Btw, Bush was an alcoholic. Interesting ? Not, like who really cares about him anymore ?

OBAMA !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Having A Relationship. With my Dad.

2008-01-27T18:07:00.000+08:00

http://across2u.com/Declareduntreatable.html. An article about Pastor Ray Johnson. He preached today at my church service, after an absence of nearly 2 years, and I'd like to dedicate this post to him.

I missed church twice this month I think, both times because of some very silly reasons. To console myself, I tried self-reasoning : ' Not going for service and listening to the sermon regularly doesn't make you less of a Christian, God understands, after all, it's basically entertainment if you look at it objectively - we sing a bunch of songs, some guy talks, we all laugh, we read a bit, sing some more, and leave -. And all that socializing is really tiring sometimes, I deserve a break '

But today, I made myself go. I just needed to go. I..I actually miss going to church in a way. I miss the spiritual discipline/fervor I used to have. All those 7.10 am chapel services at school before assembly, Wednesday C.F lunch meetings, Friday night CG meetings, and 8.45 am church services I used to attend ever so religiously. Not to mention HUGE camp, WMS CF camp, church camp, my prayer partners...

Apa yang telah berlaku ? And I made a New Year Resolution to start 2008 clean ! Be all ' Godly Girl ' and model Christian and all....fuck la, I fail noone but myself when I fail to fulfill my daily prayer commitment. It's not anyone's fault but mine. And I could only blame myself for being so behind in all those Bible readings I was SUPPOSED to have completed. Wtf, and I haven't even started school in full swing yet. Grrr...

Wallowing in self-doubt, anger, and misery, and trying very hard not to show it while sitting next to Jo and her darl bf ( I tell you, they're the cutest couple ever la, he wore green, she wore orange, and I wore purple..See how coordinated THEY are..and how uncoordinated I look sitting next to them..),

I really tried to distract myself from all those ' FFFFF ' guilt-piling thoughts and concentrate on the message. And Pastor Ray was preaching !!! He came back all the way to preach and he's such a swell guy - he's the portrait of an all American dude; his accent, skin, eyes, hair, build, etc.

And something he told us just snapped me out of my selfish tirade.
Christianity doesn't end with forgiveness. We were cleansed by the blood of Jesus, ( ya know, the dude who died for us, the totally humiliated one who was nailed on the cross ), our sins were forgiven because the Son of God died for us.
But it doesn't end there.

We were forgiven so that we could come home to the Father. The real purpose of the whole 'dying for our sins' part ? So that we could come to the Big Daddy's mansion up there, Heaven in other words.

'Forgiveness is not the goal, going home is.' - As quoted by Pastor Ray Johnson.

Please correct me if I'm wrong, but my train of thought goes like this ( I've simplified it somewhat, because I'm not one of those technical people who like using jargon ) ;
If Jesus didn't die for our sins, we'd still all be sinners and it would be impossible to us to be totally sin-free. Which would technically mean none of us could go to Heaven, because you would need to be sin-free to be in God's house.
So Jesus died to pay the wage of our sin which is death by the way, according to the Big Book ( Bible ). So, we're technically clean and sin-free. Which means we can go to Heaven to be with our Abba Father. Which means that Jesus died so that we can go home.

Faham ?

' Abba Father. So tender and precious these words, and God allows us to use it with Him. God allows us to call him Abba Father.. He's there to welcome you.......remember the story of the Prodigal Son ?.........Our Father's just so glad to see you and He wants to let you put your arms around him and crawl on His lap and hug Him........When my children call ' Daddy'.......it's the most beautiful sound to me '. - As quoted by Pastor Ray Johnson.

I'm so glad he spoke about the importance of having a relationship with God, our Abba Father. Going to church regularly shouldn't be my main goal, I should be focussing on getting closer to God, and trying to relate to Him as a Father. It's really hard for me to work on a relationship with God because I find it so hard to relate to a father-daughter relationship, since I've never really had a good one with my other dad.

But I'm trying.
And gonna try harder.

I mean..it's my old Man we're talking about ;)

'Forgiveness is not the goal, going home is '

Ballet Photos

2008-01-27T00:00:00.004+08:00

Alexa's the girl wearing black, posing in that oh-so-sexy-stylish photographer's pose ! I'm the girl wearing orange..my t-shirt says " NO PHOTOS ALLOWED " by the way...hilarious irony !

I've 'stripped' my warmmy t-shirt off to reveal..my boring standard black leotard...and am putting on my shoes..btw, what's the song, jon/chi hou ? that ' take off your shoes baby ' one ????

My leg can go higher...Can hear Celeste in the background............

Ooh, my arabesque ! ;) The arabesque is my 2nd favourite line in the world, next to the penche !

THANKS SO MUCH ALEXA FOR TAKING THESE PHOTOS OF ME !!!

I'm really sleepy actually, but viewing these pictures make me so happy !

Just have to blog about them lol ! Didn't put up all, just the more random ones that Alexa took.

Spontaneity hasn't died yet !

We were at the gym, right after Pilates class. ( Thank you Bossie for letting me off that day..if you ever read this...) I was feeling a little stiff actually...Pilates is a great body conditioning class but nothing warms up my muscles like a good Ballet barre and Jazz jumps.

I'm ever grateful to my loving Mom, Celeste, Ms Ellie, Jessica, and Zhou Lao Shi. I tell you, if you told me a year ago I could do a 160 degree developpe in second position, turn double pirrouttes, do a 180 degree split jump/grande jete in the air, and have such passion for dance...I'd tell you that you're nuts !!! I didn't put some of them here la, from some idiots' point of view, girls who have no hips and who open their legs that wide must be coo coo doo doo's kan ? And they're far too private anyway.. ;)

Looking at these photos actually give me strength, courage, and inspiration. They tell me that I can do it. I can pass that Jazz 5 exam. I can.

*** I meant to put these pictures up ages ago...but uni applications got in the way...I've lots more actually..Alexa took 116 pictures ! Urgh, but WHY DO THEY TAKE SO LONG TO UPLOAD ??? I"D MAKE THEM BIGGER BUT THEY'D TAKE TWICE AS LONG !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Ballet Photos

2008-01-26T02:52:00.003+08:00

Alexa's wearing black and holding a camera in an oh-so-sexy-stylish paparazzi style photographer way. I'm the other girl wearing long pink underwear, sorry, I mean ballet tights..We're at the gym ! ;)

The orange t-shirt I'm wearing says ' No Photos Please ". Hilarious in its irony !

Putting on my ballet shoes ! I LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE ballet shoes...Whenever I feel like buying new clothes, I always look at them and think, ballet shoes or new clothes ? Ballet shoes always win !

Sorry, the picture's not the right way up ! I'm stretching !!!

My arabesque !

I can actually hold my leg up higher now, I think....But this is pretty high already..though I can hear Celeste saying, in the background, ' THAT LEG CAN GO HIGHER..."

THANK YOU, ALEXA !!!!

Here are some of the ballet photos Alexa took for me to use for my audition....some of them really stun me. I've never been able to lift my leg that high if you asked me a year ago.

Thanks Mom, Celeste, Ms Ellie, Jessica, and Zhou Lao Shi. I owe all this to the four of you.

~this is my first dance photo experience k...now, I truly understand what they mean by hold still for the camera..i still think my leg could have gotten higher and more arched...maybe I'll do a second round but I'm quite pleased with some of them..these are some of my fav's...I didn't show all the 116 pics we took - FAINTS!!!

*** By the way, I actually meant to post these pics up ages ago..but I was real busy with my university applications then..anyway, better late then never, right ?

***** Why does it take like..forever to upload pictures ? I really have respect for those who can wait with such patience....

1st Jazz Class of The Year

2008-01-23T18:15:00.000+08:00

http://break-a-leg.blogspot.com/2005/01/d-november-24-2004-history-of-jazz.html

MY TEACHER'S LISTED ON THIS WEBSITE ! READ THIS TO KNOW MORE ABOUT THE HISTORY OF JAZZ DANCE IN MALAYSIA ! EVERYONE ( in Malaysia's jazz scene ) SHOULD KNOW ALL THESE NAMES !

Ok, anyway, that's a nice introduction to my teacher, Celeste Theunissen. I wrote an essay about her and even made her a metaphor once upon a time, when I find that essay, I might post it up here. ( haha )

Okay, but this post is about my 1st and 2nd Jazz class of the year. And by the way, yes I got sworn at..dang...and lots and lots of bad bad comments/yellings/screamings/annoyed looks..and yes it was pretty horrible and yes I broke down..

But it was awesome to see her again and go for class and especially POST-class...Pre class is nerve wreaking, class can be a nightmare, post class is really the only thing I look forward to.

So, a post by post analysis of my performance in class last Mon and Tue. Celeste's comments are in blue ( Celestar Blue ) and mine are in orange, a happy, positive, colour ...

Sook Fun and I, during our Celestar Graduation...JAZZzzz..... those happy moments...

Jazz

Warmup - RELAX YOUR HEAD & NECK, IT'S A BODY RIPPLE, BEND YOUR KNEES, GO RIGHT DOWN AND UP, DON"T BE SO STIFF,TOES OVER KNEE, TWIST YOUR SHOULDERS WHEN DOING THE QUAD STRETCH, Remember it's -AND- 1, breath!!!, and for goodness sake, sleep at least 7 hours before class...

Plies - wider 2nd arms, it's a side bend, LIFT YOUR CHIN, why arn't you getting any better ?!!?, relax, 5th arms

Tendu - CLOSE FRONT, TURN OUT, DON"T CRAMP YOUR TOES, WHY CAN"T YOU REMEMBER WHAT I TELL YOU ?!!!,

Rond de jambe -EXPRESSION, EYES FOLLOW THE HANDS !, remember the reverse arms,

Kicks - WHY IS YOUR BUTT HANGING OUT!!!, STRAIGHTEN YOUR SUPPORTING LEG, POINT, JAZZ STRUTS, she changed the counts, it's so much easier now, dang!..struggling for nothing, my off axis kick still looks like crap...

Adagio - YOUR LEG ISN"T HIGH ENOUGH, WHY CAN"T YOU REMEMBER YOUR STEPS, HOLD ON THE POSE, LIE FLAT ON YOUR BACK, CLOSE YOUR LEGS, Try not to count..just relaxxx, expression,

Now we come to my 'fav', Aerobic Spatial exercises. Woo hoo...

My stupid Split Leaps which I've been practising as often as I can, turned out to be wrong. I practised them wrongly. Shoot....I was supposed to use my back leg to spring up and create the split ! Use the power of the back leg !!! And what was I doing ? Totally ignoring my back upper thigh !

Routine !!! HIP HOP !!! WHERE'S YOUR STYLE ???? #$*)#(*$#)($*#()$*#*$#)($*#

I wrote down most of her other comments already in my dance diary...some things are just too personal...Perhaps some of you think I'm obssessing about jazz right now, but seriously, dance is my life.

I'd never stop dancing, even if I get injured or become too old to dance - highly unlikely thanks to all you amazing future doctors and insurance agents and economists and accountants and public servants ( HAHA... ;P couldn't resist lol )

Dancing is the most amazing feeling in the world. It's an electric sensation we dancers LIVE and STRIVE for; when your muscles move in time with the music, and your head doesn't have to count the beat,remember steps, or figure out the technique, when there's absolute concentration in the movement, the beauty of dance shines through.

I seriously believe that one can only dance properly and express oneself with all freedom once technique has been mastered to the fullest extent and the body sharpened to the fittest condition possible. Technique is only the beginning, it doesn't dictate the inner dancer in you.

I actually set out to be a ballet dancer at first but perhaps I was being too narrow-minded. Dancers have to be versatile. But Ballet will always be my first love. People dance Ballet for themselves, not for the money, attention, or calories. Frankly, Ballet doesn't pay as much as it should, doesn't get enough appreciation as it could, and certainly does not BURN AS MANY CALORIES AS YOU THINK - therefore not all ballet dancers are slim - HA.

But Ballet is Internal. Jazz, on the other hand, is external. Jazz dancers seem to feed off from the crowd energy. Jazz is all about energy, excitement, style. Jazz dancers are paid A LOT better -I'm taking this from an actual survey !

I'm starting to really like Jazz. It's fun, albeit tiring, and extremely different. One has to have extreme energy and zeal to learn the proper type of Jazz, not the stupid hip hop cum funk cum cheerleader movements people in Malaysia like to pass off as jazz. Please, give it some credit. Jazz is technical as well, it's not just all about style and Pussycatdolls - I hate this stereotype people have of Jazz, a lot of you think it's all so easy but it's NOT. It's every bit as hard as Ballet.

Iniitally I took Jazz because of ( frankly, in all honesty..Celeste..if you've seen her, you'll know what I mean..) I wanted to learn something new, to improve in my Ballet, and most of all, to discover how to dance. I have to credit Jazz for building me up technically and helping me in my struggle with Ballet.

Along the way, I discovered what Ballet/Dance really meant; Passion. I tell you, it takes a LOT for a person to go to dance class, practise technique AND memorise steps, take exams, and get scolded and scolded by dance teachers. To me, dancers are the only people who need to strive so hard for PERFECTION - they need perfect bodies, perfect technique, perfect knowledge of steps, perfect expression, perfect work ethtics ( Dancers can't get pregnant, drink, take drugs, or smoke, it affects their dancing terribly. They also have to be able to work effectively within a time constraint, incredibly disciplined, hardworking, punctual, self motivated, creative, multi able, and trustworthy. See, doesn't this sound like the perfect employee ? )and a perfect mental attitude.

See ? It's not easy to be a real dancer.

So, why do I dance ?

I dance Ballet to please myself,

to satisfy the inner Aurora/Juliet/Kitri/Giselle in me,

to taste bits of the ' fine de kan chuaeh ( meaning the fine feeling, according to Zhou Lao Shi ) ' here and there,

to express myself in the hauntingly beautiful movements of the adages

to sparkle in the quick, sharp, lively movements of the feet in the petit allegro and batterie,

to fly and SOAR in the grand movements of the grand allegro jumps,

to touch in the solos,principal,and character roles.

There is nothing more beautiful than Ballet. I challenge you.

I dance Jazz to taste the excitement of the crowd,

to strengthen and improve myself as a dancer,

to release my pent up energy and emotions,

to thrill, to stun, to electrify, to shine,

to dazzle, to amaze, to entertain,

to satisfy my inner Diva.

There is nothing more exciting and entertaining than Jazz. I challenge you.

Gosh ! I feel so much better now ! Yay, wish me luck for my Jazz exam next Monday, everyone ! I haven't been blogging lately because I've been too stressed with work and dance. But thanks for reading this post. And I hope to have enlightened and given you insight into the MAJESTY of DANCE.

Whatever makes us happy.

My sis, aunt, uncle, darling cousin Tim, and I.

Birthday Wishes

2008-01-20T10:48:00.000+08:00

This is so funny; when I tell people of my party, the first thing they ask isn't ' What do you want for your birthday ? ' as opposed to 10 years ago when I had my birthday party.
( GOSH IT"S BEEN SO LONG SINCE I ACTUALLY HAD SUCH A BIG SCALE B'DAY BASH... )

The first question 8 out of 10 people ask / exclaim very loudly in mock horror is " What to wear / what's the dress code ??? "

Adui people !!! It's a pool party, you can wear WHATEVER you like ! This is so strange, I mean, the invitation says POOL PARTY, how can you NOT know what to wear to a swimming pool ?

LOL LOL LOL LOL

I'm laughing myself silly as the 10th person asks me ( and of all people, it's TARRANT KWOK ) what's the dress code.

OK, laughter aside.

This year, Steph Lee's gonna give in to her materialistic wants for a change. She's gonna ASK for what she wants, instead of fighting for it her way ( read : slogging at work, toiling out in the sun/studio, scrimping on food, penny pinching, exercising extreme persuasion skills and magnificent self denial )

Besides that, telling people what I want is actually really practical; the chances of me getting something that I'd hate ( and I detest quite a number of things ) will be much slimmer. But then, the chances of me getting surprised...will also be much much slimmer...

Tell you what guys, try and surprise me. This is my 18th Birthday after all.
But I will put a GENERAL GUIDELINE in here...just to guide you, of course, if you think you know me better ( and that's a DARE ), go ahead and disregard, ignore, and pretend it doesn't even exist.

What I'm currently currently trying very very hard to get for myself, using my own time,effort,and cash

Music Cds.

I'm really in love with Brit rock right now. Some call it alternative rock / emo-rock, but anything is way better than Pop-Rock.

Favoured bands include : Lifehouse ( HUGE HUGE HUGE FAN ) , Oasis, Muse, Coldplay, Maroon 5, The Fray, Timberland, Musiq, Sum 41, movie soundtracks, the soundtracks from my favourite TV series - House, Grey's, The OC, Prison Break, Ugly Betty - ( okay maybe some of them don't really count but they're still awesome, no? )

Not forgetting,the STARBUCKS music compilations ! The current one has a really appealing album cover. Plus they actually get original compositions from music composers all around the world, effectively promoting world music and awareness using their own stores - an effort we should most definitely support. Coffee Bean's looks good too. ( Now, I am not superficial...but looks do count in terms of appeal, not shelf life perhaps ) Thank God world music is no longer just Latin music..

But thanks to Khai Hoong and Jon Fam, I totally heart Salsa music / Salsa-influenced songs now...ESPECIALLY the salsa influenced version of Maroon Five's She Will Be Loved - gives me the impression of relaxed, elegant,romance in a garden setting.

Salsa, classical, and Jazz music albums please ! Live recordings would so totally rock ! Make my day, won't you?

If you still can't crack your heads to decipher my needs ( yes I need good music ! ) or simply to lazy/busy to, just...

Get me any music to do with Ballet - whether to get the short piano pieces dance students use in class or the full length classical ballet ones, really isn't the issue here !

Get me soundtracks from musicals - RENT !!! LES MISERABLES !!! MY FAIR LADY !!! MAMAMIA !!! and more.. ;)

Get me any album by Joaquin Rodrigo - SPANISH PIANO COMPOSER. Ha, the fact that he's Spanish and therefore reeks of sophisticated maniless is already making me keel..make me swoon with his music..and get one cd for yourselves in the process. You will not regret the terrific bargain I tell you.

Get me CASTING CROWNS !!! and Delirious and Jars of Clay. But C.C is the best of them all, they beat Hillsong and Planet Shakers hands down la..But I don't mind Hillsong/ Planet Shakers, all gospel rock is good ;) While you're at it, can you get me a Switchfoot too ? I mean, I've a backstage pass to their concert but I've only heard like maybe..3 songs of theirs. I need to know more about them before I can attend their concert..which is incidentally..on my birthday..LOL !

Get me a Stereophonics - They're new Brit rock group that I haven't really listened to yet. But apparently they're quite good.Their album titles sound quirky enough to appeal any ear - Language.Sex.Violence.Other ? 2005 & Pull the Pin 2007/08. The latter has a GREAT ALBUM COVER ! So..stimulative and seductive in hot pink and black..

Same goes for Angels and Airways's new album, I-EMPIRE. Remember Delonge ? Yes, BLINK 182 !!!

The safest bet ever : The HAIRSPRAY and BROKEBACK MOUNTAIN soundtracks!

Perhaps a dbClifford..his jazz albums are not too bad..and I like the green message in his latest album : Recyclable.

LIFEHOUSE's SECOND ALBUM ! actually...I still don't have the first one..

Harry Jr Connick ! I really really want to go to his concert in March. However, short of funds..I so heart him though....The hottest Jazz pianist ever...

The Timberland album with the accoustic version of Apologize - THE SONG OF THE YEAR ! NO WAY RIHA-ELLA>>>

Deacon Blue's Raintown - A colleague told me it was good...wanna try your luck ???

Okay will blog more about my bday wants next time...
Need to fall asleep to 'You and Me' - HINT...........

2008-01-20T10:36:00.000+08:00

Hey people, you think I should join ???? Leave your comments here please....I'm a bit undecided..have been working on something for the past 4 days, I was awfully busy too which is why I didn't blog about anything - surprising kan? ;) Decided that catching up on sleep was more important.

SHOULD I SUBMIT MY WORK ???

Title :
Call for Submissions - Urban Odysseys: KL Stories *Deadline extended*
Venue :
MPH Bookstores Sdn Bhd
Date & Time :
DEADLINE: Thu 31 Jan 2008
Email :
mphpublishing@mph.com.my
Synopsis :

MPH Group Publishing are calling out for submissions of short fiction and creative non-fiction for an anthology tentatively entitled "Urban Odysseys: KL Stories". The aim is to publish the anthology in 2008, depending on the number of submissions received.The theme of the anthology will focus on life in the city, specifically Kuala Lumpur, with writings that show images of the new juxtaposed against the old, urban living with contrasting bright lights and shadowy realities and other short fiction or creative non-fiction which best encapsulate the spirit of the national capital. This is not a travel book but an anthology of literary writings about the city.Stories must be original, between 3,000 and 5,000 words, and must not have been previously published.

They invite submissions from both emerging and established writers.

Hmm...
It sounds really interesting though...
Thanks in advance for all your feedback guys !

Escapsim of Guilt For God's Love

2008-01-16T17:36:00.000+08:00

"I have loved you, my people, with an everlasting love. With unfailing love I have drawn you to myself." (Jeremiah 31:3)

"See, I have engraved you on the palms of my hands." (Isaiah 49:16)

God has said, "Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you." (Hebrews 13:5)

God, You so totally rock. I really really should read my Bible more...I mean, I said on national TV that it was my favourite book of all time and it's listed in every one of ( the very few ) interviews I give ( forced to give, actually )

Why am I so bad with this whole prayer thing >>>>

I'm guilt ridden for not spending enough time with You...just turn me into a nun...

Actually, becoming a nun wouldn't be such a bad idea.

ESCAPISM.

A Lack of Faith, in Faith.

2008-01-16T15:46:00.000+08:00

Word of Warning : This is a bashing RANT-A-TANT-TANT

Made many crap crap crap discoveries today. Well, to put it in a nicer way, I've discovered many rage-deserving issues today that made me want to shout ' A-hole' aloud in the office.

So if you read this and you feel your blood boiling just like mine, please don't take Angiotensin antagonists ok, no no no good for you like every other vile chemical concoction
- Angiotensin antagonists is a high blood pressure medication, widely available in pharmacies nationwide ( so advert-like) It makes our blood vessels become wider. as a result, blood pressure goes down, but there are numerous side effects. I had a gf whose mom nearly died of taking an overdose of this drug cocktail -

The LINA JOY CASE.

It's last year's news, anyone heard of her since May 2007 when the Federal Court overruled her right to religion ? She's been disowned, fired from her job, and given death threats, thus her move to go into hiding last year.

I'm not revealing her wherabouts in case some religious fanatics happen to read this and go after her throat, but she was said to have been spotted in our country recently and my friends and I have been busy debating about whether or not to fire some questions regarding her case at our politicians during the upcoming election. Yeap, I'm gonna go to one of those political meetings and shoot the b******s down with my SL 9 Steph-ock.

I mean, if you, as an elected government servant, cannot guarantee us citizens our right of the freedom of religion and allow people like Yusri Muhd, the president of The Defenders of Islam Coalition to go around bragging and saying things like "It's clearly justified and fair," ( He was also quoted as saying by Channel NewsAsia. "We hope that we've seen the last of such an attempt." if I'm not mistaken ) which it is OBVIOUSLY NOT, why should I vote for you ?

Moreover, the only non-Muslim on the three-judge bench of the Supreme Court ( they're civil servants people, you should know that from Sejarah Form 5..) who heard her case and judged her appeal dissented from the judgment. Takda guna la you, tak mau tolong, tikus punya orang.

Oh yea, just in case, you've forgotten her story - SL : HOW DARE YOU !!! SHE FOUGHT 9 YEARS TO CONVERT TO CHRISTIANITY, AND TO MARRY HER CHRISTIAN BF-, go wiki it. I really admire her courage.

Lina's case may have been 'resolved' but it was a legal blow to our religious freedom. And why am I so miffled at this ? Because people are still going after her.

Bloody hell. She lose, lose already la. Somemore want to gloat.And boast.And chase.And threaten people. Got so much time go build 2nd Penang Bridge la.

Then again, I don't know whether I can go blast religious questions at the wannabe-leaders; even Abdullah shot down a proposed “inter-faith council”, banned a civil-rights group from holding public debates on freedom of worship, and abruptly cancelled a long-planned gathering in Kuala Lumpur of senior Muslim and Christian scholars—including the Archbishop of Canterbury—on the grounds that he was too busy to attend it. Woo hoo..

Even bringing up Lina Joy can be considered a government threat, according to Jason T., but ya know what ???

The freedom of speech has not been culled. Yet.

I'm not very well versed at politics, please correct me ok if I've gotten my facts wrong/misinterpreted the govt's good intentions. but you know what...

" Constraints on individuals' rights to choose their beliefs are usually backed up by claims that religions are somehow “under threat”: a curious lack of faith—in faith itself ", as quoted from The Economist, 31st May 2007.

Oh, more about Islam ppl, now the word ' Allah' has become a trademark ! You can't just use it as and when you like it, for example, no more shouting ' ya allah when you see some despicable or horribly unreal, like floating poop, or screeching cars, or beggar children.

The Malaysian government now insists that it's restricted,and will be upheld against non- Muslims. It's a BRAND THAT ONLY MUSLIMS CAN USE..

Allah is basically the Supreme name for God and as you all know, there's a God in almost every religion in the world.

Guess how I found out ? Through BBC. Even international media knew about this earlier than my fellow Malaysians. A quick survey with my friends found out that most of them were clueless about this restriction.

BODOH BODOH BODOH

THANK GOD I"M LEAVING YOU.

That All Too Common Question

2008-01-16T14:05:00.000+08:00

Hey, arn't you guys tired of asking me what I'm currently doing? My last answer,
me no want to keep saying the same thing, me not parrot tau..

I'm bumming around,

working several jobs part time, dancing.
self studying - reading ( INDULGING ) more about my country's history and political issues - which I hardly ever got to do at school because we're all too busy hafaling nilai-nilai murni that don't give us a shit of good, trying to develop my own writing style
writing an essay a week to keep my writing skills intact and expanding my vocab by learning 10 obscene words a day -_- no la no la mana ada..i'm learning new words, not swear ones... ;)
blogging everyday - to install a strict journaling habit ( it's my personal moral guardian and writing outlet more than anything else ! ),
gymming - will blog about Fitness First one day, Menara Axis has the friendliest, kindest, sweetest staff ever!
and yes yes yes being more disciplined with my prayer life - using my STARBUCKS 2008 Planner as my devotion/prayer verse journal. I only write happy happy things in my gorgeous pine scented diary, like the little daily blessings God showers me which I take for granted almost 100% of the time, the nice things people do for me - eh, Why still empty wan this part...KIDDING, it's actually brimming full at this time of posting..

I'm planning on

Attending the Malaysian Student Leaders Summit this year before I leave - Go people ! Be more aware of what's happening in and to our country !
Participating in the HSBC Public Speaking Competition this year before I leave - one resolution that I might actually regret... wtheck, if you can deal with angry parents and whiny kids and weird males trying to make a pass at you, you can deal with talking in front of a crowd. - You can, right ? Me insecurities acting up...
Making sure my students pass their exams well before I leave - Please let me hear an Amen to that, PLEASE...
Going for this music festival on the 15th of March and attending more ASK, KLPAC, and MPO performances now that I spend Saturdays and Sundays in Malaysia ! ;P
( I hate saying this one but ) Learning accounting and financial management skills - I actually enrolled in a bloody freakin course...well..not yet but I got the forms filled already..friggin stupid necessity, I did enrol for Accounts in Form 4 but all that neatness and placing of numbers with dollar/RM signs in all-too-weirdly-tidy boxes and columns and what not...blar....
Going for the Mind Mapping Challenge this year - I missed last year because of the US Workshop and the year before because of the National Bible Knowledge Quiz, shoot shoot, must prac now...
Volunteering - with BF's, aye ! don't think I should commit to something serious like tutoring at orphanages though, I'd be leaving when their crucial exams arrive.
Learning Braille - something which I've wanted to do since Form 3 but bloody school had to take over me plans..argh..
Maybe maybe maybe learn Mandarin- I'm only gonna do this after me uni application totally finito and work stabilized lo...
Ha, my parents will freak out after reading this - CLUBBING !!!! No, actually, they're quite cool with it, they've never ever protested against my plans, come to think of it. Whatever I want, I get. I always get my way, with reason, of courseMy sis'd be jealous but it's quite true.I request for really simple things in
the most logical and reasonable and gentle manner at the correct venue and hour.
It's all about the timing ;) I think I can actually get away with almost
anything with my parents, they give me way too much freedom. But I've never seen
fit to abuse it. What, give up their trust, abandon my self imposed rules and
principles and take out a wild-child rebel personality ? For what ? Me not
American. Me Chinese lor..We're
famous for our fillial piety and cunning reasoning/calculating/mental power and
infinite capacity/tolerance for hard work.

I've been to the ones in Sg, Malaysia'd be kacang putih after St James Power
Station.And Misha. I want to go for the music more than anything, not really the
dancing. 18th bday 18th bday..yayzers..
11. MEET UP WITH EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOU !!!!!!!!!!! before I leave

K, muakxxies, time for my next post. This was just to address the common question of " So, what are you doing now ? " I really can't stand it anymore, my inbox is overflooded already, kena tsunami nanti..Seriously la, why you all so clueless one..

I have ' spies ' to investigate how you all are doing and can sms you whenever your important exams are near, but you can't even find out what I'm up to ? Lol...no wonder I'm me.. ;)

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MATTHEW

2008-01-16T00:40:00.000+08:00

Hey YOU, YES, YOU MATTHEW CHAN HOW YONG ( ee hope I spelt your name right ! )

HAPPY HAPPY 20th BIRTHDAY !!!

your bday verses :
Romans 4: 4-8

your bday gift :
Given...so much earlier in advance...

your bday prayer :

The Serenity Prayer

God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;

and wisdom to know the difference.
Living one day at a time;

Enjoying one moment at a time;
Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;

Taking, as He did, this sinful worldas it is, not as I would have it;
Trusting that He will make all things right

if I surrender to His Will;
That I may be reasonably happy in this life and supremely happy with Him

Forever in the next.
Amen.

--Reinhold Niebuhr

your bday proverb :
,
Trust in the LORD with all your heartand lean not on your own understanding;in all your ways acknowledge him,and he will direct your paths.
Proverbs 3, 5-6

your bday poem :

Another Year Older

A birthday is just another day,young of mind,
yet youthful looks go away
Another year older,
the world seems a bit colder.
Yet my heart still burns,and for love it forever yearns.

Another year older,I grow even bolder.
Life is for us to learn from,as calculated as a mathematical sum.
Another year older,hurting blazes now just smolder.
Letting go of past rage and pain,living life and feeling sane.

Another year older,a tear on your shoulder.
Life has not been so bad,my tear is of joy not because I'm sad.
Another day older,more pages added to my folder.
I'm glad of whom I am today,I would not have myself any other way.

I've lived through my life up till this time.
I think it is safe to say,that things will go as planned His way.
He's got more for me yet,It'll be even better I bet.
Another year older,and I am in His debt.

I'm way too nice to my friends.. haha..but if time turned back again and given an opportunity to erase what I did..I'd do it again.
Not just for him, for ALL OF MY DARL DARL DARL FRIENDZIES !!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I L.O.V.E. ALL OF YOU !!!! no jealousy please..

The Author of The Beginning and The End

2008-01-16T00:06:00.000+08:00

A New Year signifies a new beginning, a chance to change ourselves for better and tackle the challenges ahead of us with even more aplomb and flourish ! For the aspiring dancer in me, it means a new year with new goals to achieve - double pirrouttes on pointe, perfect grande jete en tournant, consistency in class, and artistry in performance.

But the Christian side of me has her spiritual goals too, I can't leave them out, I've TRIED, believe me, I'm so guilty of chucking God aside and manipulating His Generosity when the hour calls for it.

THE BIGGEST AND PROBABLY THE MOST IMPORTANT LESSON I"VE LEARNT FROM EXPERIENCE : it's really impossible for me to be an atheist or leave God out of the picture and only rely on Him to drive me out of trouble only when and where I need Him. It just doesn't work that way;

I was brought up ( by my church in a space of 2 years, I wasn't a Christian from birth ) to believe that we all have a special relationship with God, our Heavenly Father, and like every other relationship, it needs to be carefully built and constantly maintained, just like your relationship with your dad, mom, sis, bro, boyfriend/girlfriend, best friend, etc.

DECISION : Keep a prayer/happiness journal - Come on la, everytime you pray, you 'descargo', release, all your burdens and worries unto God and lay them in His Hands. Though the trouble might stil be there ( or NOT, you never know, after all, never underestimate the power of prayer, seriously 10 words to God can save you 10hours of worry, I can testify ) , you'll feel a sense of relief, calm, peace, and happiness. This queer sort of feeling..I'm not quite sure how to describe it but it's like a wash of cold water that just jerks you out of your anxiety and invigorates you to look at life again more positively. At times, the solutions will seem to just sparkle, so obviously, in that river of calm, and it'll be just impossible for you to miss. Sometimes the answers may not be that easy or simple, and it might take you ages to dig out the 'diamond' answer, however, slowly and surely, the Big Guy up there'd make a loop hole for ya all His Precious Kids !!!

VERSES FOR TODAY :

Romans 5 : 1-8

Verses 6-8 particularly stand out...

You see, at just the right time, when we were still powerless, Christ died for the ungodly. Very rarely will anyone die for a righteous man, though for a good man someone might possibly dare to die.

But God demonstrates His own Love for us in this; While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.

God, dear God, You really shouldn't have...You're like this gracious host who does everything and anything she can to make her guests feel loved, warmed, and welcomed in her home. You don't owe us anything, OUR debt to You is bigger than the expanse of the universe. You really tak payah do this la, somemore want to die..Gilar la...

No other religion has God like you..no wonder la they rather go for other religion wei..not half as scary as You..too much love can scare people off k..just look at some boy/girl relationships today - sometimes when you love someone too much, you scare them away, they don't dare go near you coz they feel suffocated by your love... -

Oh yea ho..true true..so that's why You leave us alone in the dark sometimes...to make us remember not to take You for granted and in order not to scare us away and indirectly test our love for You. Ai ya, why so mah-fan one you...somemore want to die for us just so that we can go up and live with You ... for what..should just let us die and rot in hell and You retire nice nice up there with golf club and tennis racquets....We go up there will only disturb and mah-fan you...

But thank you ar...For helping and loving us so much...we really no deserve so good...

Occupying My Day While Waiting For Bedtime

2008-01-14T23:34:00.000+08:00

Mattress baby cuddled me deeper and deeper, my blankets didn't help by wrapping me so tightly with their love and warmth. On the other side of my bed, my soft, candy-cottony fluffers begged to pillow and cushion my head/ass - they're interchangable and alike to all the occupents of my bed. I refused to slide out of bed and obey Mom aka P.A.C ( Personal Alarm Clock )

But I did, in the end, and this is a short summary of what I did to pass the time before I could go make love with my sheets again.

1) PDC. I so heart Zhou Lao Shi !!! He said so many enlightening things ( per usual ) and really really brings the whole philosophy of ballet in such a practical down to earth manner ; Be clean in your movement, position, and feelings.

" Classical Ballet is so easy, it's just 5th's,push,pull,turnout, and extension ! Move with the music ! "

No wonder Ms Ellie fell for him..I would too if he were 25 years younger and 25% better at English...I pity ballet students who've never gotten a chance to take class with this wonderful teacher. Granted, he doesn't really notice me most of the time, but today, he commented 3 times about me ! YAY !!! ~~~ yeah I'm a sucker for teacher's praises/comments..it shows I'm a part of the class, wanted and needed.

Right now, I need all the attention I can get, to take my mind off a LOT of headachy things.

2) Personal Dance Prac. - Did jazz - warmed up core by doing lots of twists, warmed up legs by doing lots of hamstring stretches, and practised mostly turns and jumps. Woo hoo ! I felt so light and actually paused up in the air ! Woo hoo !!!!!! My turns were more secure and controlled, my arms held..but I didn't think about my hips today, all that was in mind was : PELVIC FLOOR LIFT and SHOULDER RETRACTION... ( Pilates terms )

3) Read some very interesting articles in the newspaper and I will blog about my opinion about the Lingam case later..Oh, but please read this.

" Let somebody else do it seems to be the accepted notion. There is that popular story about the four people -- Everybody, Somebody, Anybody and Nobody goes.

Everybody thought Somebody would do it, Anybody could have done it, but Nobody did it. Well, Somebody was very angry and upset because after all, it was Everybody's job. Everybody thought Anybody could do it, but Nobody realised that Everybody would not do it. So, Everybody blamed Somebody and Nobody asked Anybody! "

I got this from an article in the NST today by K. P. WARAN: Let's not live with a sea of rubbish. The article is bril. Funny, memorable, and something we can all totally relate to. GO READ GO READ GO READ......

4) Taught class at Kelly's. The kids are a joyous burden. You totally rock Kelly, my no 1 supporter !!!

5) ADVANCE BIRTHDAY LUNCH !!! Woo hoo !!!! Yayzers...muakxx muakxx muakxx donnedd@hotmail.com...

6) The mere fact that I'm alive and have such a great God who looks after me, fab Mom who takes care of all my earthly needs, darling sis and many many dear friends who care and listen and support, a passion for dance which helps me to stay focused..

7) I've just discovered text colour. Yay Peako, I can rival you now ! Woo hoo !!!!!

8) This guy at the gym thinks I'm fit enough to join some Contender contest for gym bunnies/worshipers..: HAHAHAHAHAHA, first of all, ME, FIT ? * looks at her lumps of fat and prodding stomach and rolls eyes, moving them on to her massive thighs and arms next, then shakes her head sorely *

Gila. Even if I was super muscular and have not even an inch of fat on my body, why I would want to join that insane competition to show off my physical abilites ? I'd be showcasing my physical limitations rather...and a lot of skin..and obviously, a lot fo flab as well.

But it was a really sweet compliment...I kinda have a semi crush on him now..which will wear out by tomorrow - which is now already today because it's past 12 midnight already.

I can't stop thinking bout you...

~ Thanks, Aunty Sylvia and Cheng Lee for being so nice to me at Life Chapel, though I was probably a bore and a chore to entertain.. ;)

BACK TO MY BED !!!!!!!!!!
We're gonna make beautiful music all night..till 5.45 am because I've to get up for work.

Short Summary of 13th Jan 2008

2008-01-13T18:51:00.000+08:00

Song of the Day :

Summary of my Day :

1) Didn't sleep the whole night thanks to late night snacking ;P Read and read and rewrote Ming Ni's letter again and again. Thought and thought about jazz classes and Celeste. [ God please show us a way ! ]

2) Went to visit Cheng Lee and Aunty Sylvia at Life Chapel.

3) Went for lunch with Cheng Lee in KLCC, parted, and met up with seveal friends at the educational fair who gave me a lift back home.

4) Met the perfect A-hole , the guy I was talking about in my earlier post.

5) Blloooogggging

I keep nodding off every 2 mins, need sleep...
gnight everyone..

2008-01-13T17:02:00.000+08:00

You broke my heart once, twice, and now the for third time, you AGAIN shatter the fragile thing I took months to plaster painfully togehter.

WHAT'S YOUR FRIGGING PROBLEM ?

' Why do all good things come to an end ? Flames to dust, lovers to friends '. - All Good Things, Nelly Furtado's.
' Goodbye to you, goodbye to everything I knew, you were the one I love, the one thing that I tried to hold to ' - Goodbye To You, by Michelle Branch

I need silence. I have to stop the music, I can't hear my voice in all this noise. Their lyrics are theirs and they don't quite mirror my own feelings. I can't seem to find a song that plays the same strings that are pulling my heart apart.

Damn it, I want a song that sings everything I feel exactly, every precise tug and slice, and every exact hurt that's acting on my insides now. Damn it damn it damn it, I can't find the words to say exactly how I feel.

How do I describe the numb, dead, pulse of my heart when we parted ways ?

How do I describe my awkwardness to bid farewell and best wishes and explain that miserable attempt at saying goodbye ? Or the mortification I felt after replaying and replaying those hours we spent together ? And my fervent wish to erase everything and go back in time and redo the string of events that had just occured ? And my regret at my actions and their intentions ?

' It's really good to hear your voice, saying my name, it sounds so sweet, coming from the lips of an angel, it makes me weak....I guessed we never really moved on '
- Lips of An Angel, Hinder's.

I felt so so so numb. Your reluctancy to even look at me and your obvious repulse at my touch made me feel so small, stupid, and naive. I was stupid to have ever fallen for you.

But yet at the same time, your voice makes me flush with a childish redness, your gradual maturity gives me buds of hope, and your acknowledgement of my existence frankly...makes my pride soar with joy. Your happiness - it can be said as one of my highest priorities and your well being my constant concern.

These few moments we spent together I'd cherish forever. I hope we'll never ever meet again. Because I've never fully gotten over you, pathetic I know, but I think you'll understand ; when someone has claimed your heart, stolen your love, and challenged your soul ( and sanity perhaps ), you would always always long for him.

Blah, time ain't that great a doctor, it hasn't got sturdy bandages to wrap around my wounds or soothing salves/ointment to distract the pain of rejection and losing someone you love.

I need God to fill this emptiness and vast space you have dug once again in my heart. Take your spade somewhere else. Where there's more fertile and compatile soil and plants that'd bear the fruit you desire.

Don't come near me. Ever again. I won't allow it. I won't allow myself to be broken again. I know it's rather premature for me to say this right now, but at this point of time ( I might and hopefully will regret saying this in the future ), I find it impossible for me to fall in love ever again.

After all this time
I never thought we'd be here
Never thought we'd be here
When my love for you was blind
But I couldn't make you see it
Couldn't make you see it
That I loved you more than you'll ever know
A part of me died when I let you go

After all this why
Would you ever wanna leave it
Maybe you could not believe it
That my love for you was blind
But I couldn't make you see it
Couldn't make you see it
That I loved you more than you will ever know
A part of me died when I let you go
That I loved you more than you'll ever know
A part of me died when I let you go
- Blind, by Lifehouse.

Father in Heaven, I seek Your Forgiveness and ask for Your Patience and Healing, please fill my soul again with Your love, and help me to mend this broken blood pump of mine.

Many will scoff at me for saying this, our priorities differ, I respect yours completely so give me the same respect won't you ?

My priorities lie with my God. Not with my boy. At least not for the time being.
Besides, God's so much more reliable.And He's not a heart breaker.

A Tribute to my P-eers..( continuation from Friendship post )

2008-01-13T06:25:00.000+08:00

Fr the left to right : Xi Lin@Chloe, Prisham, Jocelyn, Thomas, Shermaine, Yean Xin, Pui Yee, and the guy looking really lame down there is Xae Hoyy

The ' HOT ' 5 P prefects...

Sorry I left you out in my Friendship post Thomas..never meant to ! Deepest apologies here ! Thanks for all the 4P and 5 P memories,advice - hahaha.., the letter, the chat, and the amusement your blog/Aussie pursuits give me.

My sweet sweet Jocelyn. Wish I hung out with you more. Wonder if you still have that flower clip I gave you during Carmen's party...the last time I saw you..perhaps the last time ever ? Still remember the last words you said to me; ' Hope you'll have a great life and success in everything you do ! ' .

..aww...nostalgia rocks my stomach and splits my guts into heartwrenching pieces..
Even more so when I see Shermaine, Yean Xin..the two best friends who first sat in front of me in form 4. The pillar of the class, and two of the nicest and sweetest girls in the whole form !

And Pui Yee...thank you thank you a thousand thank you's. I'll always be grateful to you for your friendship and cherish the memories of sitting next to you in Chem/Biology/Physics lab. You and Grace totally rock in experiments !

Not to mention Xae Hoyy.. I know you miss my homework la...but I miss your weirdness and racial biasness too..you make me laugh without even intending to. Don;t forget, I want big big discounts when you become a successful business man in the future ! I know you will la, you're determined enough to be a politician and you'd prob succeed if you really put your mind to it..but don't end up like Dr. Chua la..don't be the Health Minister lol...

I love love love this photo, looking at it makes me want to cry. Ruki !!! Hui Wen !!! Rachel !!!

Kinda sorta late..but better late than never...my old class...5 P..
ai..memories.

Don't taunt me.
Let me sleep....
I haven't slept a wink the whole night. Oh gosh...25 hours without sleep already,,,
and I'm gonna be seeing the doc in like 3 hours..and TCL after...

To paraphrase Lexa's quote, memories suffocate us. They're like breathing apparatus - they either suffocate you or support and help you breathe better.'

APA PASAL NI ..TIDUR LA >>>>>> damn my black eye circles...
Sleep, take me away, lull me away, give me peace once more. Too many things on my mind.

For You ( ahhh so zhou lao shi..)

2008-01-13T05:46:00.000+08:00

A tribute to Ming Ni before she leaves..never mind...one month will pass soon..
' time goes by..so slowly,every little thing that you say or do.. '

If there was one person I could pinpoint as the embodiment of a dedicated dancer, she would be Tan Ming Ni, one of the warmest, funniest, and most generous people I’ve ever met. From the time we crossed paths at the Ellie Zhou Ballet Studio - me, a greenhorn at ballet, she, an aspiring professional ballerina, 2 years my senior -, she has never ceased to amaze me with her ambitious drive, determined spirit, and approachable demeanor. I’d call her at any time, any where, and she would be ready to offer kind words of sympathy, solid, sisterly, advice, and firm moral support.

Who am I ? I’m 18 year-old Stephanie Lee Su-Ling, a recipient of a dance and journalism scholarship, currently pursuing the Professional Dance Course under Mr Zhou Gui Xin and the Celestar Jazz Dance Syllabus under the tutelage of Celeste Theunissen, Come September, I will be a freshman,a dance and journalism major.

I would have never dared to pursue this exciting yet emotionally turbulent course ( dance and journalism ) if it weren’t partly for the encouragement from Ming Ni. She doesn’t have to speak or write of her passion for dance; it radiates from her soul. Not only is she famed for her expressiveness, she is also well known as a self motivated and hardworking dancer. Her persistence with her pirrouttes paid off enormously when she showcased exceptional control and mastery of fouettes on pointe on stage; many marveled at her solo performance as the ‘Topaz Princess ‘ at the Slave Princess Ballet held recently in Kuala Lumpur, by the national Dance Society of Malaysia. The same girl who never backs down from a chance to perform and delight audiences also relentlessly pushes herself to the maximum; while juggling performing opportunities, teaching responsibilities, and grueling ballet technique classes, she has also found the time to take up Leadership and Pilates Instructor courses to improve herself physically and mentally.

A girl of many contradictions; she can forgo meals, socializing, and personal luxuries, but would never pass up the chance to get the latest dance magazines, dance books, autobiographies of famous dancers, and good quality dance gear ( all extremely costly at where we live ) A girl who focuses so well in class ; her sharp and accurate memory of ballet classwork and new exercises ( which are changed monthly at our studio, in order to stimulate and accelerate the learning curve ) often amaze me. A girl who’s charm, grace, and beauty could dazzle ( given more performing opportunities, who knows when her meteoric rise to fame will end ! ) even the most reluctant and primitive of dance enthusiasts. A girl who is compassionate and empathetic of the people around her, who’d never look down on the downtrodden or less talented, risking herself to help even the most anonymous of strangers. I remember clearly how she first extended her friendship to me when I took over her role in Don Quixote after she was promoted to a soloist in that particular ballet. Courteous, respectful, and gentle, she propped our teacher’s prestige when she participated and won in the National Dance competition in 2005.

Perhaps the biggest lesson she has taught me is how to cherish the subtlety, the ‘ zen ‘, still, quiet beauty of ballet. To her, ballet is all about the purity of the line and the simplicity yet breathtaking movement. I for one, admire her deeply for being able to express herself in the freedom of the music, showcase her personality on stage, and extend her joy of dance to everyone within a 10 mile radius. Her distinct style is reflected most strongly in the adagio – her interpretation original and exquisite, carried out most gracefully by her elegant arms, lanky legs, expressive torso, and dramatic toes. No matter what type of dance – jazz, modern, tap, ethnic, contemporary, classical, cultural/ traditional – I know she will succeed in making the dance her own, given her tendency to research extensively and practice dedicatedly.

This P.D.C ( {Professional Dance Course } graduate is one we are all proud of. I am confident that given more performing opportunities, Ming Ni will continue to shine on stage. Her resourcefulness, persistence, patience, and perseverance will take her through, come what may. Our ‘marshmallow’ may be soft on the outside, but she’s tough on the inside, and I daresay, nothing can possibly faze or stop her from achieving her goals and dreams.

Once again, I vouch my absolute confidence in Tan Ming Ni ; as a fellow dancer, classmate, senior, older sister, and friend.

Hope you like this !

STARBUCKS

2008-01-12T19:36:00.000+08:00

I FINALLY GOT THE STARBUCKS 2008 PLANNER !!! ON THE 12th of JANUARY, 2008, like...12 days late, after 18 freaking drinks and almost 180-200 bucks poorer...I'm so sick of starbucks now, and I'm not going to go near another green tea latte for a long time.

who cares, I GOT IT !!! WOO HOO !!! LIMITED EDITION !!!

PS : Thanks daddy, love you love you love you for lettting me spend like mad to get this

Friendships Last If You Make an Effort : Fact of Life

2008-01-12T00:32:00.000+08:00

Heyzz..I'm on a blogging high now after eating 1000kcal of grilled candied walnuts ! Walnuts are good for your heart, albeit a little high in fat..but it's all good fat...and Maria just visited me, so I'm in such a chocolately, sweet-craving mood right now ! ( Those of you who know who Maria is, shut up..don't let the joke out ! )

Since I'm on a blogging high, and very very very very happy for several good friends, I want to dedicate this post to them. This post is also to serve as a self reminder of how lucky I am to have such talented, driven, funny, interesting, intelligent, beautiful ( on the inside and outside ) friends.

Really, God couldn't have blessed me with any more. Sometimes I think I don't deserve such goodness from our Abba Father...but then again, all fathers love to spoil their children ! I'm not going to get into the ' But why doesn't God care about the sick, dying, malnourished orphans in blah blah blah part of the world and war and natural disasters ' debate because my opinion on that is way too intricate and will def overshadow this post.

OKAY !!! *** DRUMROLLS, LIGHTENING, and THUNDER announce the arrival of ... ***

1) Khor Sue Ching @ CHING, CHEF. ( Say this in a very very serious manner, you'll get the effect ! ) - ( I'd normally put my friends' initials to protect their privacy but her story's just too good and needs to be given proper credit )

My, sorry, OUR darling Ching's gonna pursue culinary arts and recently received a letter to audition ( show off her culinary skills ) for the CIA, the Culinary Institute of America ! You rock, Sue Ching !

I'm really really really proud of her, she's following her heart and gonna pursue her dream ! Who cares where, as long as she gets there ! Woo hoo ! I'll be cheering you all the way ! The sad thing is...she's never cooked for me before, but I can testify of her talent with food preparation and presentation; her huge, healthy gorgeous, and entirely wholesome salads that she used to bring to school for lunch...dang you....why never cook for me one...

Sue Ching's gonna be a chef !!! A great chef, a master chef, a professor of chefs, and build a new generation of credible and reputatble...chefs !!!! Wooo hoooo !!!!!!

2) Tan Ming Ni@ MING, DEDICATED DANCER

Oh gosh, just look at her dreamy eyes...

Aww..Ming Ni's the first dancer I know personally who's going to audition for ballet/dance companies ! In Europe; Germany no less !!! PRAYING HARD FOR HER !!! I really really hope she gets in, she's an awesome dancer, expressive yet still, gentle yet sturdy, incredibily hardworking, patient, sweet, funny, and seriously self motivated. She's the most self motivated dancer I know besides Lexa, and was one of the first people I got to know at PDC - when I took over her role in Don Quixote.

Like Sue Ching, she's determined to do anything and everything she can to fulfill her dream. Rock on, you awesome ballerina !

Her smile embodies her determined spirit. She will go far.

3) Jenn and Jo Lau @ LOVABLE DUTCHESSes

My newest best friends ! ( I haven't exactly confirmed our best friend status yet but will do so asay ! ) Omg, they've already been through so much with me, even though we just got to know each other 3/4 months ago. R, Jo's bf - the 90% most perfect boyfriend in the world, is a really really great guy too; generous, understanding, humourous in his lameness, unique in his essentricness, and really really lovable in the way he cares for his girl. Aww.. EH, THIS IS BOUT JENN AND JO...

Ok, back to them. I CAN ACTUALLY CHAT GIRL WITH THEM !!! And they don't judge me by my ( lack ) of spiritual life and clothes and cash and things like that. And we can bitch together !!! Woo hoo..although the bitching does get tiring...but then we talk and talk about lots of stuff...I actually have a lot in common with them, come to think of it...

and they're so honest and straightforward and frank ! The one thing that makes them so different from the rest - they just say it as it is, no pretense, white lies, polite jokes/hints, etc. Everyone I know tries not to offend me [ like I'm that scary/unapproachable.. I'm loud sometimes but I cry too ! When you kick me, I hurt, when you cut me, I bleed ! ] but they don't. Yay.
WHY DIDN"T YOU COME INTO MY LIFE SOONER....

4) ALEXA !!!!!!!! HON JIA XUAN !!!!!!!! FAB FRIEND

See the elegance..inilah dancer..

Thanks so much for helping me with my photos today, even though you were so pressed for time ! You're just a fantastic friend. I'm so blessed to have met you, and to have you for a friend. You always always try to help me out whenever and however you can. Why do you have to be so nice to me...sob sob sob...how to return the favours...Pray la...I will pray pray pray for you...CAN"T WAIT TO GO BOULDER TOGETHER !!! WOOO HOOO !!!!!!!!!

She's so much fun !!!!!

Special mention goes to Khai Hoong and Jon Fam - who gave me the idea ( indirectly..) of setting up this post tonight, during ANOTHER late night makan..thanks guys, you two are so sweet..Hope you'll make beautiful music together ( HAHA SOUNDS SO WRONG...I have a very bad habit of doing that..)

So, you know what ( Can hear Khai Hoong's voice in the background, NO I DON"T, TELL ME, and Jon's snicker snicker snicker and wide wide wide smile..that guy's got such a Mona Lisa smile, I just want to wipe it off him..)

I've actually a lot more friends to blog about. I haven't touched my ballet mates yet - Wai Kit, Sharon, Claire, Siau Yin, Siew Hiong, Annie, nor my jazz mates - Tilla, Sze Sze, Kim, Mei Leng, Sook Fun, Arika, Sze Ann, Yoke Eng, Jia Sin, Angeline, Yen Shan, Mei Shang, Jessica ( kinda sorta ) , all the friends I made at BDJW 2007, my church mates - William, Wilson..ee I especially hate the latter...who coined that twin name for us... and not to mention my prayer partner/darling sis in Christ, Joanne,

school mates fr WMS [ how i miss them...Ruki, Hui Wen, Zhuang Xiao, Rachel How, Khai Wen, Tarrant, Alex, Jian Han, Yi Zhen, Peako, Mary, Caryn, Sam, Timothy, Zhi, Zhi Wen, Elsa,.the list goes on, how am I gonna list all of you..) and SBU/ BBGS - RACHEL J.R, my soul sister, the only girl I can NOT talk to for 24 months and start chatting again, picking up from where we started, our friendship's the only one that has truly tested the test of time..we can talk no matter how long things have been without needing all that fuss and polite catching up conversation awkwardness brings..where have you been !!???, and SOOK YEE....kisses fr afar.., Denise - COME TO COLORADO WITH ME !!!

I'm lucky. I truly am.

a

THANK YOU GOD !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

COMPETITION

2008-01-11T20:21:00.001+08:00

Why does life always seem like such a competition all of a sudden ?

Mother K ( K for her name and also for KIASU ) came up to me and asked me about her daughter's progress in class. Actually, all she really wanted to know was whether her daughter had the potential to become a dancer, and if so, was she getting too fat ? Her concerns mainly centred around her daughter's size, eating habits, and physical activity, and they all could be summed up in a single questions ( which, incidentally, she kept repeating during our 40minute chat ), " Is my daughter too big ? I don't want her to get fat, otherwise she won't be the thinnest girl in your class "

I felt like screaming, or throwing something, stabbing a cow, butchering a horse or even just slamming the door and walking off in a huff would have made me feel loads better. Instead, I 'smiled ' a 'sympathetic' teacher type of smile, and just offered a very weak excuse for leaving [ and running away from her as far as I possibly can ]

WHAT THE HELL.

What's the deal with all this competition ? Give her a break ! Why does your daughter have to be so super thin for ? Why does she need to compete with the other girls for ? Why do you have to be so super kiasu with your daughter ? Blar lar k ( this is steph-speak for get lost )

You always want BIGGER discounts when you go shopping, BIGGER salaries, BIGGER houses, BIGGER cars, BIGGER, grander holidays, BIGGER numbers of A's on your child's report card, BIGGER portions of food even when you go out to eat.

So what the heck is wrong if your daughter grows up to become a little bit plumper, more womanly, and curvier ( ultimately sexier than you ha ! ) ? You know what's her problem ? It's actually not the daughter's size, it's really about the daughter's size being an advantage in this so-called competitive world of dance.

To me, dance is only competitive if you make it to be. What do all dancers compete for ? They don't compete against others. They compete against themselves. They want to be the best they possibly can, and it's their own personal achievement and goals. NOT everyone's dance goals are to be the next ABT prima ballerina. And certainly not the world' thinnest ballerina...

Why do we always have to be the best ? Do what you can, and do it to the best of your abilities.

But who am I to talk ? Here I am,busy trying to compete with older and more established bloggers who have better pictures, better style of writing, more interesting topics, more readers & commentors, richer boyfriends ( hell even the existance of one would make me a little envious, just a little ), more disciplined spiritual lives, etc.

- secret confession, yo, give me some respect for admitting your secret desires UPFRONT and some sympathy too for getting sucked up into e-popularity -

but I've come to realise ( thanks to a bitch slap from my sis )
that bloggers blog for themselves.

Who really cares about how your day was, what hurts you , who irritates you, your poems, the love of your life, honestly speaking, would anyone of you care if I don't get into a university of my choice or if I'm a total failure in ballet ?

Do YOU really care about other people or do you just read their blog for cheap entertainment - I mean cheap as in the price of online reading material compared to movie-ing, clubbing, drinking, NOT the quality of a blogger's post, no siree, I ain't offending no fellow blogger - ?

LIFE JUST GOES ON. THE SAME.

To all my silent readers out there, I think you're all gorgeous and simply lovely for taking the time to read about my life. And I'm really gonna try and make everything really readable, because I really wanna share my dance life and ( a bit of ) my personal life with you guys. But, I ain't bloggin to satisfy you.

I'm bloggin to satisfy myself.

I do what I can do best; write and dance. And I'm gonna keep doing my best.
Not to beat you and you and you,
But to beat myself.

~ I am my own worst enemy, Oscar Wilde. ~

My Take on Politics

2008-01-09T23:22:00.000+08:00

Before I sleep - since I already drank coffee in anticipation of someone's arrival ( that didn't materialize.. blah you..)I'm wide awake..grr.. - I want some answers to these questions;

1) What happened to Bush? why isn't he in the news anymore ? He's still the US Prez but the Americans don't seem to care about him anymore. I mean, he stil has about 1 year to go. All that power for so few braincells..I personally think the people are just not bothered to hate him anymore, since there's 2 very strong candidates fighting neck to neck to lead the country and restore her reputation, why do we need Bush ?

But it must really feel very horrible. To know you so unwanted and unwelcomed and not needed, that people don't even want to bother about hating you for your past mistakes, wrong decisions,or attempts to ractify them. Sorry Bush, you had your chance. But you blew it away on the Iraq war. And the Kyoto Protocol. And many many other dumb actions you took and wrong choices of words you selected. I, for one, will be glad to see Obama for Prez. It's about time an African American gets to lead US.

2) Myanmar's junta is planning on building another capital.Smart move, with the oil crisis, and economic slow down, and people welfare, and shoddy international reputation. Good luck on that new city !

Christopher's Theory - RED vs YELLOW

2008-01-09T22:43:00.000+08:00

Alex, your wish granted

2008-01-08T23:07:00.000+08:00

One of my best friends fr WMS asked me to blog about him. Thus, the purpose of this post; TO SHOUT TO THE WORLD THAT ALEX HOOI's BDAY IS ON THE 26th of JANUARY and HE"S NINETEEN. YOU ROCK ALEX XOXOXOXO !!!!!!!!!!!

Also that he's one of my best guy friends ever, who spent ages and ages and ages listening to me moan about my guy problems, attractive factor, and many other relationship issues besides helping me tone down my geek image a little...
~~ ME STILL A GEEK AT HEART...

I've prayed for him many times too, he's really one of the people from WMS who genuinely cared about me. Not to mention he was one of the first to extend his friendship to me, when I first gawked at the sophistication of Wesleyans. I think I'm still not Wesleyan enough, but I've gained so much from Wesley - friends, teachers, the experiences, the memories,

Everytime I sit on the STAR Lrt to go to our old school, I think of you three, my LRT mates who went back home with me on the train almost everyday for TWO YEARS. You spoke Mandarin and sat down and tried to catch up on sleep or the latest gossip. I stood up, spoke in haltingly shy English, and pretended to understand@be interested in your conversation.

Every morning I'd see you and your sis. You sleeping..always...When you got prefectship and had to wear a tie, at least you'd wake up 2-3 stations earlier...And congrats on your promotion as Special Functions Coordinator of the WMS Prefectorial Board, the post that's so sesuai for this wannabe event/party planner, the first guy I've met who's actually capable of doing so and Funding Director of Interact - lol,so you !

I only went out with this guy...like once..in our entire friendship...lousy-nya...
He drives an X-Trail - bloody bugger with his money,... but he's never stingy la, thank God, and he's really sweet to his sis, helping her to get fat by buying lots and lots of choc/sweets for her

Drag racing in Bukit Jalil with you was fun...my first time...in an X trail lol !!!

And I'm really proud of you Alex. Hope you do great in Sunway, surrounded by your best friends and beloved family ! I know you'll find love again !!! Or maybe you already have ?

I Steph Lee, can safely vouch that he's one of the most loyal, loving, generous, and fun loving guys on earth ! Plus, he's matured a great deal, and worth so much more now... hehehe

Muakxxooooiee...I've missed you....And I will too when I leave...when we finally part and leave for different countries, different paths, and different lives...

Details of Kay Elle that I ABSOLUTELY MUST REMEMBER

2008-01-08T22:20:00.000+08:00

I should be in bed right now, I just said g'night to my mom, but somehow I can't sleep. Too many things running on my mind and I need to get her/them/It to shut up.

Procrastinate my sleepiness for a little while longer..

1) Summary of my day

6 am - Woke up at this ungodly hour to go to the GYM
Practised Ballet Adv, mainly because Celeste's gonna teach ballet next Mon
( PANICKING,,, )-

Ballet feels so good...my fondu's actually felt like fondue ! The melting quality was probably enabled after working on my abductors for 60 mins on the machines..Did

plies, tendus, glise, fondu, rond de jambe en lair - I got the 'kick' and extention, YAY ME !, rond de jambe jete - I totally dissected this now ! it's a swish to a small,low attitude,then throw towards the ear/side, then ROUND & extend, then point on the floor in perfect turn out. YES !!!, and petit battement with pirrouttes and balances

Must remember to engage the back muscles by pressing lightly on my shoulders and pulling the two lines down to connect with my hips too.

[ bear with me, darlings who don't take ballet, and take courage ( love this phrase ), will be moving on soon ]

Then I did pointe work. And people started to staring already. Okay, bad enough there's a girl wacking her legs all around and turning on one tippy toe toe, now she's putting on pre-arched torture foot binders made out of satin ( by the world's best pointe shoe maker, Gaynor Minden ! The best pointe shoes I've ever worn, all thanks to Lexa and the PDC girls ! )

Plus my pirrouttes on pointe are not that great, I was falling all over. WHY ? Because I wasn't holding my core properly and couldn't balance. I was scared and I lost concentration when all those people started staring at me. A BAD MALAYSIAN HABIT =(

NEED TO PRAC MORE TOMORROW ! I don't care, I'm just gonna turn and turn and turn and get my DOUBLE PIRR on POINTE !!!

Steph Lee : DO NOT BE AFRAID ! Remember Li Cun Xin - his book's fab btw. The exact position of the nose, arms, back, hips, thighs, knees, toes !!!

11.15am - Went for G's pilates class before work. She's awesome. Her voice is stil echoing in my mind I swear, " slide the ribcage down to the hips, fold the ribs, hug muscles to spine, keep the tail bone on the same line as the hip/pelvis, don't TILT it down, use your abs, we're focusing on the abs, feel the ribs, hips, zip up the pelvic floor to come up, etc "

I'm really lucky to have found such a good Pilates teacher. All dancers should do some sort of body conditioning in my opinion. Can't wait to go Boulder and check out the Pilates centres there - they have one of the BIGGEST PILATES CENTRES in US there ! Awesome...

oh gosh, my uni application's gonna be reviewed any minute now, it's there !!! keep your fingers, toes, and everything else crossed for me please

As usual, work is ...boring. I want to get a colummist job and get paid to write - that's the course I'm taking anyway - or work in Tower Records, all that music ! Can I intern with some company for 6 months before I leave ??? Please ??? Some one teach me how to...

Then I went for my driving lesson. Drove on the highway from 1U to Amcorp Mall and nearly died in the process. I need to practise - all that clutch, gear, brake, oil,... - Me cannot feel me feet no more...that caramel hazelnut latte from Coffee Bean did not help, I'm STICKING TO STARBUCKS FROM NOW ON !!!!!!!!!!

Got back home in my MOM"S CAR ( HOW ON EARTH CAN SHE DRIVE LIKE THAT EVERY DAY ?? )

gave the ticket - thank God I got rid of it,the more I see it, the more tempted I'd be to rip it apart, I listened to Linkin Park's What I've Done and I really feel like hitting myself, WHAT ON EARTH HAVE I DONE !!??? But at the same time, I feel this tremendous satisfaction and peace of mind. I know I did the right thing, giving up my Switchfoot tickets for you two is the best decision I've made this week and I know you'll enjoy it to the max, compared to this noob about Switchfoot girl -.

wrote emails and emails and emails, me and my EMAILS...and read this hilarious article in Cleo that I absolutely agree with

and now..I've forgotten what I wanted to post about...
Ah...my uni applications...

" It's too late to apologize " - Apologize, Timberland
" Love me, Choose Me,..." - Meredith Grey, from Grey's Anatomy

The Thoughtless Things I Do Sometimes

2008-01-08T18:19:00.000+08:00

Today I saw this really really old lady - all stooped over, with a horrible hunchback, and she was carrying a huge plastic bag and climbing up the stairs to the LRT at Taman Jaya, PJ. For those who've been there, those stairs are pretty steep. And she must have been ancient. I mean..gosh, even I get breathless sometimes climbing that tower of torture, the authorities really really should install a lift / elevator for us poor unfit mortals.

She was going up, albeit slowly but surely, one stone step at a time,wobbly and all huffy.

And you know what I did ?

Stephanie Lee just climbed down the stairs, without even giving her a second glance.

It wasn't until she paused at the staircase for a moment to wipe salty sweat off her face, only did I notice her.

And I didn't help. I just stood there and ..gawked ? I didn't go up and offer to carry her bag to wherever she was going, or smiled, or said ' auntie ' and give polite sympathy ( which is what someone said I should have done, instead of just staring at her like us Malaysians are so apt at doing )

I'm such a thoughtless and selfish bitch.

And today, for the first time, I noticed all the litter along the road which I walk on to and fro everyday. How come I've never bothered to pick them up ?

I've also sent a very curt message to a friend, when all he did was ask me how was my day. And it turns out he had a terrible day at work. AND YET, he knew I was having my driving lesson today and was considerate enough to remember my struggles with the wheel.

( We used to be tuition mates in Form 3,a really short spell because I can't take the pressure of mass tuition classes. He'd give me yellow post-it notes with smiley faces whenever I got screamed at by the teacher, and once, he left a choc bar for me when I told him I had a dance exam and couldn't attend class.)

And sorry, WM, for being a bit rude when you asked me about my dinner plans tomorrow.

DAMN ME.
You know what, I actually have a bit more sympathy for our health minister now, Dr Chua...I know what he did was just plain wrong from every possible angle and as a politician,leader,and government servant, he has to maintain higher moral standards.

But he made a bad decision to do what he did, he lost control of his moral judgement - perhaps for the first time? we don't know - . I think it was a thoughtless, maybe impulsive act of lust and loneliness. I personally cannot comprehend how his wife can stand by him and forgive him for that, but I know someone who has forgiven her husband many many times for his affairs with other women.

And I know a person whose capability to forgive is simply, unbelievably, astounding; My Saviour, the Prince of Peace [ ' Forever and ever ', that song from the CIF musical is STILL stuck in my head...geezers... ]

Father in Heaven, hallowed be thy name...Forgive our sins,and help us forgive those who sin against us, lead us not to temptation and protect us from evil. AMEN

BOULDER..MUAKXXX, here we come !!!

2008-01-07T23:53:00.000+08:00

SO MANY PEOPLE ARE GOING TO BOULDER THIS YEAR !!!!!!

THIS IS SO AWESOME THANK YOU LORD !!!!!!!!!!

LOVE YOU LEXA, WE'RE GONNA HAVE SO MUCH FUN !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

YAY !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

CELESTE IS AWESOME

2008-01-07T23:38:00.000+08:00

Celeste totally rocks !!!
Gist of the story : I don't have to go Singapore anymore !!!

CELESTE, YOU TOTALLY ROCK !!!!!!!!!!!!

University

2008-01-06T23:25:00.000+08:00

STOP STOP ASKING ME !!!!!!!!! People, I'm very stressed by all these uni applications...I applied for 10 okay

but the ones i'm really hoping to get

a) Uni of Colorado, Boulder campus
b) Southern Methodist University, Texas
c) Uni of Arizona, Tuscon

And just for the record, YES, I got the Astro Scholarship and YES I'm ever so grateful to them, and YES I will come back to serve them , and YES I will be back in Malaysia in 5 years' time !

SO STOP ASKING>.... please..it's horrid having to repeat every damn thing and detail like 100000000 times over.........................

BDJW 2007.

2008-01-06T17:24:00.000+08:00

I really miss the dance workshop..3-4 dance classes a day, everyday for 2 glorious weeks in one of the most beautiful universities in US. I just miss all that dancing.

I miss
1) Ken - the best cure for Homesickness, prob Arkansas' most wanted export.

Ken, Jessica, and I, during our student show.

2) Valerie - The perkiest Tap dancer I've ever met and the first Alaskan girl I've ever met too

3) Katie - You were so nice and friendly and sweet and such a darl to us !( the cute girl in the middle)

4) Lauren and Courtney - Jazz ii classmates. I'm so jealous of their legs !

I loved it there, but I'm really glad to be home too.Was so uber homesick on the 2nd week. Sigh, prob the stress of dancing Jessica's choreo solo in the student show didn't help. But they did !

Ken, Valerie, Kathleen, and I

Valerie and Kathleen acting out the ' Crazy Dolls ' routine. The song's awesome !

We were homesick...

Then we met lots and lots of different people but all who shared the same love for dance and the common goal of fun !!!

Then we were happy again !!!

I've at least 400 pictures from my trip, and goodness knows how many friends, and tons of valuable, cherished, bittersweet memories, and all those dancing tips ! The teachers there were truly inspiring; Jessica Hendricks, Alex, Webster, Christy, Lara, and Amanda.

CAN"T WAIT TO GO AGAIN THIS YEAR !!!!!!!!!!!!!!

PICTURES OF MY DANCE GRADUATION 2007

2008-01-06T17:05:00.000+08:00

C.S.O.P.A Dance Graduation 2007

2008-01-06T10:01:00.000+08:00

* starring Teo Mei Leng, Khoo Kim Leng, Ong Sze Sze, Leong Sook Fun, and Lee Su - Ling *

We all graduated from the Introductory syllabus that night. It was truly one of the most memorable and unforgettable experiences I've ever gone through. All that screaming and threatening and brutality beforehand from Celeste truly truly made that night an even bigger success for me. I think she did it on purpose, because if she hadn't screamed and yelled and scolded and $%($*%)(#$@@^#$# me before the concert, I wouldn't have done so well or enjoyed myself so much. Surprisingly, I was really superbly calm that night.

This post is to thank all those who came. I really really appreciate your effort, sorry it took me so long to post my thank-you's.
All my gorgeous friends

- From WMS : Ruki, Hui Wen, Tarrant, Asher, Sarah, Richmond,

- From church : PASTOR Michael and Sis Siew Chin ( THEY WERE SITTING RIGHT IN FRONT !!! MY YOUTH PASTOR !!! HOW COOL IS THAT !!!! ) Hai Yen, William, Wilson, Wing Tsun

- From PDC : Ming Ni

- From BBGS : Kim Loh, Rachel, Peh Lin

- From Astro : Joel, Shawn, and Shawn's friend whose name I cannot seem to recall

- Hong Lun, Amelia, Mr and Mrs Chan,

- Mr Cheang and his daughter,

- Kelly and her husband

- My Mom and her entourage of people ( mostly bankers )

- My Dad and his entourage of people ( all from his hotel... sangat the scary ! They watched me grow up k...)

I swear my parents were trying to outdo each other...
and thanks all of you who tried to make it, msged me your congratualations

Biggest thanks goes to

1) MY MOM - the best mother a girl could ever hope/dream/wish for. Thank you God for this blessing !

2) JESSICA, my teacher, friend, classmate, and 'babysitter' ( during US trip )and CELESTE THEUNISSEN, the principal of C.S.o.P.A, a 'diamond in the rough '. A teacher who tortures because she cares. But I wouldn't have it any other way.

3) LEXA - my senior, and the FIRST person in C.S.o.P.A to do a dance degree un the UK. couldn't have done it without you ! You were always there to advice and listen to my woes and moans, and help me out, even sending a video of the Chris Brown routine all the way from UK ! Gosh, I'm so so touched !!! You're really one of most inspiring dancers I've met !

3) TILLA, YEN SHAN, MEI SHANG, YOKE ENG, my classmates. Thank you all so much for helping me prepare for the Jazz 5 exam. And the graduation. And giving me much cherished memories of C.S.o.P.A. Wednesdays are now so boring without you all. Major thanks for bearing with the stress I caused in class.. ;)

4) ARIKA, SZE ANN, JESSIE - my 3A ballet classmates who totally went through all the hardship and scolding in ballet exams with me. You guys rock, really miss Saturday Bal now.

5) ANGELINE, JIA SIN - Jazz 3 exam mates !!!!!! White halter tops rule like 4eva... hee hee hee...But seriously, thank you for taking Jazz 3 with me, and taking the Jazz 3 exam just so I could have an easier time. You both were and still are very inspiring people. Miss you la Angeline, come back fr Canada soon...with lots of notes about dance !

6) SAMANTHA - for helping out with the music during graduation. Can't wait to dance and be your classmate again ! I think you're one of the strongest and most determined dancers I've ever met.

7) last but not least, SZE SZE, MEI LENG, KIM,SOOK FUN, and SEAMUS
GOSH !!!! I MISS YOU GUYS SO MUCH !!!! Remember how we actually went to rent a studio just to practise changing clothes and our routines for the graduation ???!!??
Meeting you guys was the highlight of my year, my style and confidence has improved so much thanks to all of you ! Especially Sze Sze, Kim,and Mei Leng - all those times I went over to your house just to practise jazz...and during my grandma's passing. Thank you all so much ! Will never ever forget you !!!

My deepest gratitude goes to God. You know I love You.. ;)
All glory and honour and power is God's alone.

** I woke up this morning to Apologize by timberland & one republic, which was what got me started on gushing bt my graduation...hehehe....eh, that song gets my vote for song of the year !!! will post up pics of my grad soon **

WISDOM

2008-01-06T01:26:00.000+08:00

Blogging is Addictive. Should have come with warnings. But to my credit, I only started a blog after I've completed my formal studies in both academia and dance. So I'm allowed to blog because technically, I've no 'real' commitments to exams and grades and yadaa yadaa..got quite some time on my hands..

Plus I love to write anyway..ask those people who used to be in my BK class and Eng Lit class.I wrote 12 pages for my SPM eng lit and bout 10 pages for my SPM BK exams.

Bloggin is my new writing outlet now. Until I get to Uni and have tons of writing assignments to do, I will use this blog to write, write, and write !!!

So actually, blogging's not that addictive. I was just deprived of an writing outlet for too long. I mean, yakking on the phone with my pals hasn't got quite the same effect. Descargo should be a way of life ! Well, maybe it is, just that the super stressed me never knew it before.

" Life is the road I wanna keep going, Love is the river I wanna keep flowing "
Some song by The Clientele I was just listening to earlier.

A HUGE THANK YOU whoever who reads and comments - LEXA

But my biggest gratitude is for God. Who sparked the idea into my head in the first place.

DANCE - read at your own risk,pleasure, pace, and discernment.

2008-01-06T00:29:00.001+08:00

My contact lenses are drying out, I've been wearing them for more than 12 hours already. Quite usual. After all this fiasco with my stupid blog post ( The Job Hunters ), I can finally get down to the real stuff.

Personal Practice of PDC Classwork
*** VERY VERY IMPORTANT, almost ESSENTIAL if you want to survive and improve in PDC, the Professional Dancers Course, taught by two of the best ballet teachers in the WORLD, [and this is not my opinion alone ], ZHOU GUI XIN or as we reverently call him, 'LAO SHI... ', and Ms Ellie, or as we fondly call her, 'TEACHER !'
Ha, funny, same meaning but different languages and tone of voice.

By the way, sorry people for my awful 2nd post ! In the words of W.M and W.L, so so noob.... I'm new...forgive la if you can't read. The only person who needs to forgive me is JL anyway.. ( JL, don't merajuk k ???!!!??? )

Right, now, PDC classwork. People, if you don't understand or not interested, it's okay. It's very much dance related, more for my dance friends, esp, darling Lexa,my Big 'Sister/Senior/Mamita! '

1st class of the year !!! And my new year's resolution is to IMPROVE by 80% in PDC. I MUST GET MY TRIPLE PIRROUTTES BEFORE I LEAVE FOR " Mei Guo " !!!
I MUST BE CONSISTENT IN CLASS and NOT GIVE UP and KEEP TRYING and GOING FOR IT !!!

Anyway, I went to the gym to prac today. Saw AC's bro on the train & told him I was going to the gym when he asked me whether I was going out to meet friends. Got a very queer look. Yes yes I know I'm pretty anti social and a lot of people complain I'm too busy for them, esp my beloved and dearly missed ( oh gosh, sounds like a funeral now ) WMS friends and several church mates but...I'm just very bad at organizing my time. I'm sure I could make time for everyone and every thing, if I didn't have dance and work and uni applications and sleep and food.

After 2 hours of gruelling Pilates Fit Ball,

[ Writer's thoughts : GINNY IS AWESOME, my abs felt ROCK hard, I could feel all that pelvic floor zip and corset abs activation thing she was talking about after all the ball exercises in both the Basic and Intermediate/Adv class. Only after the Elephant, the single leg stretch with the ball, the Swan on the ball, the rolling down and flattening/folding of the abs, ribcage to spine, the hinge - thighs and abs, the Bounce on the Ball ( sounds like ' bounce baby, out the door ' but it isn't at all ), contracting and rolling down and deep concentration and repetition and working on my arm muscles and all....
so so heart PILATES now. must go for her classes, esp the ball ones ;) ]

I felt really tired, felt like giving up half way in the class - I'm not surprised by that thought, as much as you all think I'm a super hardworking machine, I'm NOT, and I get those couch-potato-I-deserve-rest tempting thoughts too.

But I rested about 45 mins after the class and loaded up on caffefine and went back to the studio and practised PDC !!!
Started with the centre adagio, the one with the hauntingly beautiful yet creepy-funeral-like song. Oh gosh, my arabesque...Must pull up legs more. Chin Lai says PULL UP the KNEECAPS...

Note to self :
1) Use obliques to balance, (G )

2) Poke the supporting leg while wrkg leg is in developpe, (EZ)

3)Penche allignment !!! Maintain straight line from the nose to the tippy tippy toe while doing pivot !!!!

4) Extend the wrists, no broken ones please girl...

5) Get that double pirr in attitude !!! and that balance with double rond de jambe en lair before fondu with developpe devant !!!

6) That last 3-sec hold in pose 3rd arabesque line ! Extend ! and Lift before running away gracefully

7) Eye line. Always above the heads of the audience.
Arms. Shoulders slide down,elbows supported, with fingers extending the energy

Then I practised turns, and jumps ( jazz jumps ). Jumps were so much better today
( WHY AM I SO INCONSISTENT ??? MUST FIND OUT THE SECRET OF CONSISTENCY ! But I suspect I already know it; practice, perseverance, and focus )

I got the ' split' beautifully in slide turn leap turn leap turn leap turn ( FORGIVE ME PPL IF YOU DON"T UNDERSTAND ;( just don't read this part la...or ask me ). Felt that pause and extention too. Funny, my arms weren't 'pressed' down, they were actually lifted and not at all tired despite the crazy pilates back2back classes. I could see my fingers...I 'paused' in the air for that long ???

Turns - I need to turn with my hip, have my balance, but I've improved. Scored more secure doubles and poses and good balances today.And my toe has to be cupped on the knee...remember !!!!

Okay, I practiced centre port de bra, adagio, pirrouttes - that was all I learnt before I left for work. Sorry Lexa, I know I know I know...should have stayed..but work constraints...get me a better job la....

I also prac the barre work -
1) started fr grand battlement - devant, derriere,seconde - don't forget the 5678 on rise,supporting leg needs to be very stable on rise !!

2) Rond de jambe - the funny turn in, turn out one with rond de jambe jete and full port de bras on fondu. My r.d.j.j devant's much better ( esp after seeing ISABELLA'S !! YO JEALOUS LA !!! ) but derriere needs to be improved. how do I stop my hips from doing that belly dance thing ?

3) Frappe - I understand Ms Ellie !!! The 3rd toe has to be aligned with the knee and the thigh super turned out so that it won't move and be able to produce that quick, sharp, movement !!! UNDERSTAND !!! Only in that flick flack thing I need to lean a bit forward for my balance and my serre to be super quick and my toes to do
that V shaped movement

4) Plies - my fav. I want to demonstrate this on Monday la...hehe, big headed now. But I can seriously feel my inner thighs now when I plie and my upper back and the smooth quality of this warm up exercise. And I COUNTED !!! YAY ME !!!!!!!!!

It feels so good to prac ballet and jazz.It just feels good to dance and move your body without any pressure from anyone. To be able to feel my muscles working to produce the movement, and the results of intense concentration, that's bliss and satisfaction for me. I honestly think I didn't think about anything else aside from dance when I was practising. Well, maybe I got distracted by one or two people who were watching me out of curiosity...But only for a moment or two !

Thanks for bearing with me ppl.

Oh and after that, salad for dinner. At BV 2's delicious...Yay...

NTS : MUST DO PILATES before ballet and jazz class. Perhaps the jumps were a result of the lifting n zipping pelvic floor thingy...

1st Lesson in Blogging 101 and Friendship 999

2008-01-06T00:00:00.000+08:00

Title says it all. I have no idea what I pressed but some how, edit became edit html. I've returned all my knowledge of html back to Madam Lalitha already !!!

MACAM MANA SKRANG ????????????????????

Adoi, God, please have mercy, I'm a new blogger, I'm only blogging because I want to remember Kay Elle, my family, my friends, and all those cherished moments as accurately as possible. I'm gonna leave for US soon, please please please make life easy for me and let me blog really super quickly and neatly ! That's all I ask, I promise not to tamper with stupid formatting anymore !!!

Forgive me Oh Lord for I know not what I sin !!!!

PS : thanks so much, Peak Sheng and Tarrant. Appreciated your help even though my panicking voice prob didn't show it...

Real friends are the ones who will help you with no conditions required - ie : favours, constant interaction, etc.

The Job Hunters

2008-01-05T18:32:00.000+08:00

Why do I need to job hunt around Pavi ? I hate that building, plus I swore never to step in there on the account of it being the site of my old school ( BBGS ) and the sole reason I was deprived of a BBGS tradition and historical education. - Absolutely unjust. Besides, I totally don't need a job. I need more time....

But JL, aka SL's best friend, wanted to go TOPLESS, sorry, TOPSHOP to look for a job. So okay, being the loyal friend I strive to be, I followed her and together we must have irritated half the sales assistants in the entire building. We went to almost 10-15 shops....' do you have a vacancy ?? ' , ' hi, we're looking for a job ', ' wow, we saw the sign outside and we'd love to apply ' , etc...

The best line of the day goes to ESPRIT. The conversation went like this;

Steph Lee : " Hi, Harris ! " ( All perky and smiley and shop assistant potential-ey. )

Harris * Never met us before and didn't know who the heck we were * : Er... ( looking around and really sheepish, like he was trying to recall where he'd seen us before. Duh I'd know your name, you're wearing it on this gargartuan name tag ;P ^^ boys...)

Steph Lee : Oh no no, we've never met. We're actually looking for a job here and were

wondering whether you guys had a vacancy...

Harris : Oh, oh, okay, em..let me get you some forms.

* ** while STARING at JL's and my :::)::) and trying to chat us up. EWW....Such a Disgrace to your parents !!!! Who do you think we are, the cast of Reality Porn for Desperados ???? ***

Anyway, I've high hopes for Jenn !!! ( Fingers, Toes, and everything else crossed !!! )

TOPSHOP was okay, ESPRIT was pretty optimistic, MARC was sweet and encouraging,OH CHA CHA was the most serious and the first to talk about salary and commitment. starbucks was and still is such a disappointment. The rest were pleasant enough but TIMES Bookstore was the best in my opinion.

I had to write an essay to apply for TIMES, isn't that absolutely the BEST way of applying for a job for us bibliophiles ?!!!!!!? Yayzers !!!! *** Stephy Lee very very the happy. Totally blasted an essay in 3 mins flat !!!! *** Plus only 4 hours of work a day ! *** Gleefully dreaming of books,books,books ! To be near you, touch you, smell you, feel you, understand you, dive deep into you,..

( dreamily sighs while JL buys her --- magazine for her parents. Didn't even notice her absence, too engrossed in trying to convince them to pay me to molest the gorgeous books )

4 Interviews + Goodness knows how many job application forms + 3 hours of walking around niolivap + Meeting an old BBGS girl at Marc J + Live Jazz & Salsa Music + Best Friend + Tons of Gossip

= Productive outing

Anyone know of any jobs that'd allow me to work only Tues and Weds afternoons ?

I'm working whole of Mon and half of Thur and half of Sun, will be in Singapore on Fri's to Sat's and have to attend church on Sun mornings.

Oh, and have to find time to squeeze in Soul Fuel ( God / devotion / Bible study / quiet time, whatever ppl call it ) driving lessons, personal driving practice, own dance practice - VERY VERY IMPORTANT -, sleep, and meals ?

Should I even be committing to a job ???

Eh, we forgot to check out the telesales job at Prince Hotel !!! and all those job postings in the Star Classifieds !

Voice 8889 in Stephy Lee's head : Steph, you really shouldn't be so competitive

Voice 1104 in Stephy Lee's head : NO NO NO, GO FIND GO MAKE MORE MONEY

Voice 1212 in Stephy Lee's head : But for what, darling ? And at what expense ? Listen to logic's reason

Voice 1355 in Stephy Lee's head : Eh, you think money grows on trees ka ? budak mentah tak tau apa pun

And the whole dilemna.conflict.argument.quarrel.

begins again

Adagio Dancer

2008-01-03T23:20:00.000+08:00

Nouns mean ' names ' in Latin. Everything has a name. That's why this blog had to have a name and a blog address. That's why I asked several people on what they thought of the names I picked, because it's important for a blog's name to be well balanced; people - accessible ( I'm always thinking of other people ; P ) and yet personal at the same time.

The first ideas

1) descargo.blogspot.com

Descargo means ' release ' in Spanish. I can relate a lot to this because I dance and write to 'release' my feelings, express my thoughts, unburden my soul, and to regain a a certain clarity of life and peace of mind. Tarrant liked it, said it sounded really deep. ( I think...) Which it does, becuase release has many layers of meaning. There's so much depth to just one word, isn't that amazing ? Like the amazing fact that 26 alphabets and millions of millions of words in dozens of different languages. But what a blogger, sorry, BUMMER, someone else took it already.

Sayang kan ?

2) descargodanza.blogspot.com

I had a bit of reservations about this one. Because it doesn't really make sense if you translate it directly to English but the double D's are just so lingustically beautiful, they just roll off your tongue so easily. Definitely people accessible. But a certain person by the initials of M.C.H.Y didn't and said it sounded like escargot. I'm not even mentioning this person's name here because I'm still very offended by that person. Waste of time and evergy and effort asking really.

There are MAJOR differences between descargo and escargot - one's a Spanish term and one's a French term, they both mean completely different things; one's a food and one's a verb, an action word, a word of endless possiblilites and limitless imagination and usage. One's in my favourite language and the other's in the language I loathe the most ( aside from the ballet terms which I've come to terms with.. )

But I didn't pick it because it didn't really sound like me. I don't sound like that,do I ? all breathy and 'danza' and all...? nah, it's not how I sound like at this point of time. Maybe when I become a dance professor in the future, descargodanza will become me ???

Certain words require a certain maturity and personality to be carried off effectively.
So I choose...

3) adagiodancer.blogspot.com

in the end. It's very me. Adagio dancers are ' slow ' dancers ( in literal translation ), the ones who do the slower, more lyrical, pensive dances. The ones who have to " extend, extend, extend " and " lengthen, lengthen, lengthen" and " grow, grow, grow" and " use use use " every second of the music to it's full capacity. The ones I like best, because the strength of a true dancer lies in her/his adagio - their capability to move IN the music, express themselves with all freedom of technique. That's where the artistry of a dancer truly shines. In the adagio.

And I find that adagio dancers tend to be the most expressive and technically brilliant ones.

Those of you who don't go to Mr Zhou's PDC class at Ellie Zhou Ballet Studio might not understand this, but it really doesn't matter, as long as you know that my aim is to be the BEST DANCER I CAN BE, allegro or adagio.

And I still kept descargo ; because to dance and write is to release. To release oneself completely from the burdens and craziness of life; that's freedom.

This writer maintains that true liberation comes from God, because only He can take away all the weariness and replace it with happiness.

But ' why not do a crazy dance ? ' - Hilary Duff, Why Not
Yea, and why not, ( while you're at it ) pen a personal comment ?